Monday, November 26, 2012


It was hard leaving Erick's yesterday morning.  The kids were all pouty and so was Grammie.  So, I'm holding onto the memories until the next time.  At least it was a clear day, no rain like we see so many times on the road.

We stopped for lunch and dinner and I thought I was choosing wisely.  Guess that shows what I know.  I would have been better off with the hot dog and fries I thought I was avoiding when we went to Ponderosa and I got a salad, chopped steak and a baked potato for lunch.  Then I KNEW the calories of the toasted ravioli I was going to get at Fazoli's for a lighter dinner and thought I would be fine for the day.  The thing is that Fazoli's no longer has that on their menu and I ended up with spaghetti and meatballs and a breadstick.

Pretty much after we got in the door when we arrived home, I went to log in my food.  What I saw was close to the amount of calories I'm allotted for the day but it was in red ... it took me a minute but that meant I was over by that amount.  It happened ... and it hasn't even been out of my mouth for a week ... what I swore would never happen again ... AND I THOUGHT  I was in check ... are you kidding me?  I didn't even finish the @#$%%#@ spaghetti and I left a meatball.too.  No dessert ... no trip to the sides bar ... no loaded potato like Gary had ... no candy bar at the rest area ... and I didn't even mention that there was NO SAUSAGE BISCUIT at Mickey D's.  I had doubled my calorie allotment for the day.

I got this, I got this ...I'm okay even if Gary did lose 1 1/2#'s but he's a man and their metabolism is different and he weighs more and ... and ... and I'm stuck and I'm tired of it.  So, I've got to dig deeper.  I got through all this unscathed so far and I'm not an exercise machine like my friends nor am I depriving myself of anything.  I always ask myself is it worth it when I see the extra calories that will be added to my diary and I make the choice .... and I've been feeling good about it, but it goes to show I know nothing!!

It's one thing when you purposely gorge yourself.  It's another thing when all you eat is sugary, fat laden snacks but I don't.  Portions, portions, portions ... I've really been making the effort.  Something's gotta give ... I can't go back, I won't go back but I'm stuck and that seems almost as bad ... but it's not going to be as tough as last week ... I can do this.  I'm going to get on the scales every day this week.  I NEED to see some fluctuation ... I really do or I think I do.  I think I'd be okay to see the scale go up a tad and then back down the next day, as long as it was down more than it was up ... would that help?  Oh well ... I guess it's just Monday and I'm trying to find my way through it all and just be!

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