Saturday, July 31, 2010


I was able to sleep an extra hour this morning and how did I feel … tired, draggie, out of sorts. No, not at all. Did the extra hour have anything to do with it? I don’t think so, as it was the same number of hours for the night, as I got to bed much later. Then why did I feel somewhat refreshed. Was it because it was the weekend and there was nothing I HAD to do or did healthier habits have anything to do with it? Maybe a little of both. I’ll wait and see what Monday morning brings.

Yesterday was a great day. I only work until noon on Fridays and I know that I can get through four hours and then I get a respite. I love the company I work for but because of the economy, my duties aren’t as demanding and I am bored most of the time. With boredom comes complacency. I need that dash of excitement, a challenge. This road to good health I’m currently on is certainly a challenge and I’ve got to do what I can to keep adding the excitement into the recipe. Since this is a somewhat new twist to an old activity, my energy is high because of the motivation I’m getting from the positive reinforcement of Stephanie’s blog and reading a great book, as well as my losses on the scale. The excitement is there moving me forward much like a cheerleader would do to motivate her team to keep going for the win. But, cheerleaders don’t do the same routine or yell the same cheer. When things don’t work you need to shake up a things a bit and I need to remember than when the time comes.

Anyway, as I mentioned there are always challenges and yesterday was no exception. Gary called me and suggested we go to Indiana Live because we would be able to have a free lunch buffet if we turned in a poll we took online. He had done quite well gambling on our vacation and I guess he still had the fever. I agreed to go there for lunch but the moment I agreed to it, I knew I had to keep reminding myself that I could eat a healthy lunch and not over-do it at a buffet. I was creating a plan in my mind and what I could do to fulfill my intention. My strategy was one slice of meat for protein and fill the rest of the plate with vegetables. I’m not a big veggie eater and I didn’t have to clean the plate … something I had practiced the week before. Well, I did it. There was more to lunch with your husband than the food. There’s the conversation, planning, sharing, and just simply being together. Gary and I had a short walk in the evening for more togetherness, an activity I am starting to enjoy.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Ho-Hum Day

Well after my realignment yesterday morning the day went on and on and on. No special revelations or excitement. A "No New is Good News" sort of day. I did get out on my lunch hour. I usually just sit at my desk behind a closed door but thought it may do some good to take a short walk and out into the sunshine. The humidity was down and it seemed pleasant outside. I walked over to the Circle Monument where many people sit on steps and ledges enjoying their lunch and chatting with friends and co-workers. I found a place partially shaded and got out my new Kindle.

My Kindle was waiting for me when I got back to the office after vacation and I was anxious to order my first book and start reading. Of course, it was diet related. I wanted something a little whimsical but yet motivating and spent a lot of time looking over the selection. There are a TON of diet books out there. I ended up ordering "Fat Chance". It was written by a former contestant on "Biggest Loser". It's quite good and I'm enjoying it. I've even used the highlight feature on the Kindle for certain passages that have an inspiring message. I hope I can figure out how to retrieve those selections.

A couple of days ago. Gary said something that stayed with me. We were talking about losing weight and he said, "well I guess I need to lose another 20 pounds, because no one has noticed the 30 I've lost". That really isn't true. When he was off on his sailing adventure and I didn't see him for two weeks, I did notice ... especially in his face but when you see someone day after day you probably don't notice a big change because your eyes adjust like they do from light to dark. The focus is a little different but you still see objects pretty much the same. I think that's why it is important to have a "before" picture that you can see the obvious change. The definition of a waist or arms or maybe the elimination of a chin. However, it's also important to hear those compliments and words of encouragement. It can really lift you up and add to your determination.

I'm glad the weekend is almost here. It's been a long week. I have no plans except to make wise choices and stay positive even those the scales are moving.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

With a Capital "T"

I enjoy musicals. We even saw a rendition of Grease while on vacation in Wisconsin. This morning a line from a tune in Music Man comes to mind. "Trouble, oh we've got trouble, right here in River City, with a capital "T" and that rhymes with "P" and that stands for "Pooh". Well, the last word is really suppose to be "Pool" but I'm saying Pooh because that's how today has started and if I don't watch out, there's going to be trouble ... big trouble.

Of course I woke up tired ... nothing unusual but a lousy way to start the day. I choose a pair of slacks that are tight, which is a reminder of I'm not there yet and then I made the mistake of getting on the scales. A minuscule loss ... of course nothing to shout about.

So what's wrong with this picture? Absolutely nothing an attitude adjustment won't fix. It's early and there's no time like the present to turn around all that negative thinking. In a few hours, I'll be moving in a faster gear. The weekend is in sight where I can get an extra hour of sleep and don't have to rush around like a mad woman to make a mad dash out of the house. The slacks, while tight, can be a guideline for the next time I decide to wear them and the scales are moving downward and why would I want it any other way.

Sometimes you've just got to set the positive tone for the day. Don't self-prophesize the outcome the day and be discouraged when you have a few bumps. If I just open my eyes, I may see a learning experience or even a turning point in my progress. It's hard to look at the small brush strokes when all you want to see is "the big picture". Did I say "Big", I mean the beautiful picture. It'll come, it just takes time. Time is what they say "flies by so quickly". Sure doesn't seem like it when you want instant results but I need to look where I am now from where I was a couple of months ago. Yes, I have made progress and in two months from now, I will see more progress because I have control over me and that includes my attitude.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Energy Loss

The long hard days of vacation are catching up with me. I could barely get out of bed yesterday. I know I'm not a morning person but I think I may also be in the wrong time zone. They say you can't make up for lost sleep but I'd sure like to try. They also say that rest and sleep are very important in a weight loss plan.

On my way into the office, I thought about the Zumba class after work and with the way I was feeling wondered if I had enough energy to get through it. I won't say "keep up" because I couldn't even do that last time and with being out a week, I don't have much confidence in myself tonight but wondered if I could even get through the entire hour.

The workday went well and I was on plan by bringing a "Smart Ones" for lunch. It was one I hadn't tried (Mac n Cheese) and it was pretty good and I thought the portion was unusually hardy for one of their dinners.

I had regained a little energy as the day wore on and before I knew it, it was 5:15 and time for class. There were times when I thought about coming up with some excuse to leave early but kept pressing on. Some of the songs I had no problem with and even enjoyed but there were a couple that seem to do me in, but I kept moving ... even if it wasn't the moves everyone else was doing.

On the drive home, I thought about the difference I felt from the drive in. I did have a little more energy. Was it because of the Zumba class? I definitely was happy that I went. I was also happy that it was over but I just may get out a video that I bought and put in some time in the next few days until the next class.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Crying Wolf

Honestly, when I got on the scales yesterday it showed a slight gain and it really bummed me out. I evidently hold water while I'm sleeping and it takes a while to eliminate it and even at that, I can't count on it happening every time. At TOPS last night, I weighed in with a 1.75# loss. Yeah for me! But, I also caused several hours of grief for myself. I came very close to throwing in the towel and pigging out at lunch. My escape was having something in the freezer at work. If it wasn't there, I would have visited my favorite local hot dog establishment. Instead, I gave myself another shot at redemption and it worked out by the grace of God.

So, after all that ... what is in store for today. I got the positive re-enforcement I needed, didn't I? Yes, but I'm so tired. I guess I need my old typical breakfast of Honey Bunches of Oats to get me going. We didn't have any milk for cereal this morning, so it was 1/2 banana and a few cashews and I don't think that worked. I'm really dragging. I have Zumba tonight after work and I'm wondering right now if I'm going to be able to do it and how hard it's going to be since I wasn't there last week. It really doesn't matter, I'm going and I'm going to be moving so it will have some benefit. I need to focus on my body getting stronger. What don't kill ya, makes ya stronger!

Monday, July 26, 2010

If Wishes Were Horses

My mom used the expression "If Wishes Were Horses ... We'd ALL ride." quite a bit when I was growing up. You can't just wish for something to make it happen. Past vacations I always wished that I'd come back without a gain but just wishing never moved the numbers on the scale in a downward spiral, no matter how much activity I planned into the trip. I was determined not to wish it this time but DO IT!

Well, I got on the scale this morning saying PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE and saw NOPE, NOPE, NOPE. I was way off the mark thinking I could drop more than five pounds in a couple of weeks. I was determined, focused, positive ... all the things I was suppose to be and no results. I left food on my plate, walked more than I normally do, never snacked in the car; By golly, I even went horseback riding and yet ......... Oh wait, there was that one time I did give in to a Peanut Buster Parfait and the two cookies when we finally checked into the Country Suites at 11:30 p.m. after being shot down at five other hotels to the tune of "no room at the inn" ... is that what did it to me? Two lousy poor choices and 100 good ones and now I was paying for it.

Where am I going to get motivation from a busted goal? I'm not willing to listen to it could have been worse .... you can start over ... who loses on vacation? I tried, I really tried. Will I have to actually bring a scale with me next time, would that help?

My gain this morning was small. Nothing like it had been after past trips, so I guess I should be thankful ... thankful for a gain, I'm sorry but that's ridiculous. I know all I can do is pick myself up and keep trying, but .....

I'll continue this tomorrow after my official weigh in tonight at TOPS.

Monday, July 19, 2010

The Ride

It was another four-course breakfast yesterday morning at the Bed and Breakfast, but I wasn’t tempted as much with the veggie omelet. Go figure with something healthy, huh? I ate a couple of bites of the popover, just to have a taste and most of the tropical fruit. I even told our hostess that we only needed one of the breakfast desserts. Is it getting easier? Yes, I think it is.

We attended mass at the Basilica at Holy Hill which is a National Shrine. It is suppose to be a place of healing, so I prayed to be able to overcome my addiction to overeating. Maybe I need to do more of that … both when I’m struggling and those times of giving thanks for the days that I feel that I’m finally getting the hang of it. With God all things are possible.

We checked out and headed for our next B&B in Algoma which is close to Door County. I think there’s a saying of “sit back and enjoy the ride” …. ha – not when we’re on strange roads and the GPS isn’t cooperating. Talk about emotions … frustration, anger, impatience, stubbornness, disappointment and that was just Gary’s take on the whole situation. Well emotions rub off on others, so it’s important to focus and realize it’s not the person, it’s the situation and what could have easily snowballed into ordering emotionally when we finally stopped for lunch turned out to calmly choosing wisely.

We finally got to the Bed and Breakfast 90 minutes later than scheduled but it really didn’t matter as we had no plans for the evening anyway. So basically we were in such this big hurry to do nothing. Hmmmm, what’s wrong with the picture. Why do we tend to blow things out of proportion when it really doesn’t matter? Is it just to prove something to ourselves?

We checked in and then went to a grocery store that was close by, as I wanted to get some fruit to keep in the room for snacking. We got some apple, grapes, bananas and a package of 100 calorie popcorn.

We can see Lake Michigan from our room and it’s very serene. When negative emotions start to well up, a good diversion would be just to look out over the lake. It a natural tranquilizer and brings the peace back to continue along the journey. At least maybe I CAN enjoy THIS ride of eating more wisely because when I get to my destination, I’ll be healthy and happy to enjoy all there is to do.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

I'm on vacation

Who says you can’t exercise while on vacation. Yesterday we had some time to kill before breakfast, so we took about a mile walk. We walked through the downtown of Hartford, WI down past the river and the falls to a nice pond area that had exercise stations. I stopped to take a few pictures but the walking would be the extent of our exercise and that was good enough. There was a nice breeze and it was enjoyable.

Breakfast was four courses … it was the first time I had eaten raspberries and blackberries but since I like the flavor in wine, candy and desserts, why not the real thing. Maybe I’ll start buying them when they are in season. Also, served was something called a German Pancake and it was yummmmy … rich and decadent. I just knew there had to be loads of calories … but, as the old adage says “We’re on vacation”. That’s perfectly true but I’m strong and even though I felt bad for our innkeepers about eating less than half of it, I was in charge. Same with the dessert … YES, dessert for breakfast, a mousse. Even being a light dessert, I only had a couple of small bites. We’ve stayed at some B&B’s lately that have done away with breakfast or it’s a minimal one of cereal and pastry and here I pick a place that has a four-course breakfast. Yes, and it’s a wonderful place and my willpower is getting stronger because deep down I really want to avoid embarrassment at the scale when I return home.

We had lunch at a cool 50’s drive-in diner. There were suppose to be carhops on roller skates but there was a sign on the door saying there wouldn’t be any over the weekend …BUMMER, but the place was cool anyway. I kept with my intention of only ordering a sandwich with no accompaniments … okay, I did steal two fries from Gary’s plate.

We went to dinner at a former old hunting lodge called Fox and Hounds. I couldn’t believe that it was buy one meal, get one free on a Saturday night. I had already looked at the menu back at the B&B and knew exactly what I wanted, the grilled pork chops. It really helps to preplan your meal if you can by looking up the restaurant’s selections on the internet or reviewing a menu before you sit down at the table like I was able to do at the B&B. More bread … pass and success was had. We left the restaurant and headed to the theatre to see “Grease”.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Full or fulfilled

Why do we sometimes think we are non-deserving. We don’t bother to take it to the next step because we think what the heck, it’s not going to work out anyway or even worse feel that someone else has control. It’s that all encompassing fear. Yesterday I really wanted to leave work early to get a head start on vacation. I was going to ask if I could leave an hour early. Why was that so hard? Because I was AFRAID of the reaction it would cause. If I avoid asking, I wouldn’t need to deal with it. But if I didn’t, there wouldn’t be any chance of getting what I wanted. Work through the fear. Do it and get it over with and then move on from that result, whatever it is. Fear paralyses you and you don’t move one way or another. That goes for any goal that you set for yourself, incluing eating right or working on an exeercise program.

I told George if we got through everything, I would like to le
have at 11:30 … okay, so I compromised what I wanted. Part of the reasoning was that the department I’m in was celebrating a birthday at 11:15. I hadn’t planned on sharing in the goodies, just the celebration. Anyway, I could tell he wasn’t happy, but he didn’t say much. Was he mad? Was I in trouble? Would this go on my permanent record and how long was I going to fret about it.

We ran into horrible traffic just outside of Indianapolis and about 30 minutes of non-movement we needed to get off at the next exit. It was time for lunch anyway and we decided to go to Mickey D’s because they have free WiFi. I had forgotten to write down the address of the B&B and I could check it out while we ate. We decided to eat off the dollar menu, the smaller sandwiches were a better choice anyway. We got tired of waiting on the internet to load and headed back on the road. Our next traffic jam would be going through Chicago. I’ll never get Gary to take me there for a weekend.

We got to the B&B two hours late and checked in. The owners were out of town and the owner’s mother checked us in and gave us directions to an Italian Restaurant. I ordered Chicken Marsala and a baked potato. Of course the first thing put on the table was a basket of bread. I got through the chips the other night and tonight I got past the bread. TWICE, as Gary had the waiter bring another basket with dinner. My meal was very good but like most restaurants, the servings are twice as large as they need be. We are watching our budget on this trip and of course that means getting the most out of our money and it just about killed me to see that extra chicken go to waste … but no, I wasn’t going to fall for that excuse. Not this time because I have a promise to fulfil. I left 2 small chicken breasts on my plate of the four I was served and I was satisfied ... maybe not full, but satisfied.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Just another day

Back to the mall yesterday to get a pair of shoes for my new dress. While I was there, I thought I may as well eat at Subway. I'm in a vacation mode and have the desire to eat out. Yeah, I know ... I'll starting eating in again when we get back from vacation.

Nothing really going on at work but I kept busy and the day moved along pretty good. I had a lot to do at home for our trip. I still needed to iron a few things and then pack everything up and color my hair. Years ago when we'd go on vacation I'd be packed a week before our trip. Wonder what happened to all that motivation and preparation. Now I seem to wait until the last minute ... for a lot of things. Is it I work better under pressure or is that a myth? Well, at least I was in bed by 11:00, although I didn't sleep well.

I was sure I was going to see a big loss this morning. I had been on target with points using an average and yesterday after dinner and our evening stroll I had an episode where my stomach didn't like what it had for dinner. When I got on the scales a 1/4# gain .... it's fluctuation, it's water ... it's the way I'm standing on the scales. Well, although a little discouraged I'm going to keep to my word and hopefully see another hash mark bite the dust when I get back home in about ten days. Would I be so bold to say TWO hash marks?

Just Another Day

Back to the mall yesterday to get a pair of shoes for my new dress. While I was there, I thought I may as well eat at Subway. I'm in a vacation mode and have the desire to eat out. Yeah, I know ... I'll starting eating in again when we get back from vacation.

Nothing really going on at work but I kept busy and the day moved along pretty good. I had a lot to do at home for our trip. I still needed to iron a few things and then pack everything up and color my hair. Years ago when we'd go on vacation I'd be packed a week before our trip. Wonder what happened to all that motivation and preparation. Now I seem to wait until the last minute ... for a lot of things. Is it I work better under pressure or is that a myth? Well, at least I was in bed by 11:00, although I didn't sleep well.

I was sure I was going to see a big loss this morning. I had been on target with points using an average and yesterday after dinner and our evening stroll I had an episode where my stomach didn't like what it had for dinner. When I got on the scales a 1/4# gain .... it's fluctuation, it's water ... it's the way I'm standing on the scales. Well, although a little discouraged I'm going to keep to my word and hopefully see another hash mark bite the dust when I get back home in about ten days. Would I be so bold to say TWO hash marks?

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Lesson Learned

It's a weird thing ... the subconscious. After I wrote yesterday about eating in and cutting my points in half, all I could think of was going out and getting something to eat on my lunch hour. I really wanted to cast my fate to the wind and head to "King David's Dogs" but ended up at Charlie & Barney's. Since neither of these have nutritional information I really don't know which would have been better, but I was hoping it was the one that I chose. Regardless, I knew that the point count was going to be WAY HIGHER than I was suppose to have. But, it's a done deal, no use crying over spilled milk or chili down the gullet. (Yeah that's right Chili with temperatures in the high 80's outside --it was nice and cool inside.)

Before I had left for work, I had also written an email to the first Bed and Breakfast where we're staying on vacation asking for assistance on what the dress code would be for the theatre in their town for which I had purchased tickets. I mentioned in my note that I would be fine wearing a summer dress but didn't want Gary to be over/under dressed for the occasion. Those words stayed with me too, because I went shopping for a summer dress on my lunch hour after my bowl of chili. I don't like shopping for clothes. My body is so misproportioned and now being at close to my heaviest weight (I've proud to have worked my way down from that the last few weeks) I see every flaw. I pulled a sleeveless blue floral print off the rack and just knew that it would be too tight across the hip area. Much to my amazement, it fit half-way decent ... okay, a bigger percentage than half, maybe 85%. My badonkadonk was noticeable but I thought with my white jacket it would look nice and I could work on the flow of the tush as I lose.

We had wanted to have dinner with Stephanie, Jim and the kids before we left on vacation and I was getting ready to email her about where to meet when I got a message from her suggesting "On the Border". Oh, Stephanie ... didn't you read my post about not wanting to be tempted Monday when the ladies at TOPS were going Mexican. I'm sure she did because she mentioned that we could help each other stay out of the chips. Well, I did stay out of the chips, even though I swore I felt my arm jerk a couple of times. I also choose wisely, ordering the chicken fajitas and we had a great family evening together. I did it, but could I do it when I don't have someone there supporting me. Well, I think I have a better chance now than I would have had on Monday. Sometime you've just got to prove it to yourself. If it doesn't kill you, it'll make you stronger

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Bring it on

I set out to make yesterday a good day and was successful. There were no bumps in the road or detours, it was just a smooth typical day. I purposely stayed off the scale. I always do, on the day after my official weigh in. I wonder why?

Maybe yesterday wasn't so typical after all. I had to make a trip to the Indiana Department of Revenue. We had gotten a "DEMAND TO PAY" notice on Saturday and after pulling out our return and checking the math didn't understand why we owed more money. It turned out there was a penalty because we owed (and paid) over $1,000 last year and when that happens you have to pay quarterly estimated taxes. We got a notice earlier in the year about the estimated reporting and I just chose to have more taxes taken out of my paycheck to cover it and I thought I was done with it ... until we got this bill. That was okay, I wasn't upset or let my emotions run wild about things not being fair or being mistreated. This wasn't going to ruin my day.

So many times when lunch rolls around even though I have a frozen dinner or a can of soup available in the office, I choose to go out ... just to get out and away from it all here at work. Lately, I've been doing okay if I make that option but I need to remember I can cut my points in half if I eat "in". Yesterday, that's what I did. I fought the temptation of going out and won. There was a reason ... I had picked up lunch for George the day before and it came with a cookie. The cookie that he said never to bring him with his sandwich. Amazingly, it sat on my desk on my "Miserable Monday" but there it was sitting there looking at me again. I thought (there I go thinking again) that I did very well with points on Monday and I'd check to see how many points were in the cookie. I found this new website "" and checked the calories and saw 280. I figured in the fat calories and thought ... mmmm, 4 points, that's not bad and it'll work into my plan. After I was 3/4 through the cookie, I realized I was using "FUZZY" math. I'm suppose to double the calories in the calculation, so it was really 7 points. OUCH! That's lunch. Well, it tasted good and I would just make adjustments.

Zumba was the next memorable point of my day. I wondered how I would do, if I'd want to question my decision. Yeah, I liked the beat and the sweating was good but could I keep up. Some how I ended up in the front row. I thought about Stephanie's posts about "Front Row" and knew I shouldn't be there. Why? Because I'm not coordinated enough, everyone will see me going in one direction when I was suppose to be going the other way and I couldn't jump in one of the selections ... I put it out there for all to see. Emotions, emotions, emotions ... tough, who cares ... why do I think I'm being judged ... why does it matter. Well, Stephanie was right. It was a little easier this week. I didn't think I was going to collapsed before the class ended and even though I didn't do every step, if I kept it up maybe I would by the end of the six weeks ... and that would be a building block.

Gary fixed Italian Stir fry for dinner which I enjoyed but kept my portion in check, continuing by eating on a salad plate. A little TV and off to bed to be rested to start another wonderful day.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

O what a beautiful morning

Yep, that's right ... I'm singing a new tune today. I had intended on posting this first thing after I got up this morning, but it didn't happen. I'm not a morning person and I have my timing worked out just right, in order to give me the last possible minute I need to get out of bed to make it to work on time and it didn't calculate for any extra time to blog.

For as bad I as made yesterday out to be in the morning, it starting to positively turn around by mid-afternoon. I stuck to my guns with just some soup from Paradise Cafe for lunch still hoping for that loss at TOPS and Gary called to tell me that we finally got our Federal tax refund check. He had forgot to do some schedule that helped us get more of a refund. He found out about this after we filed. I guess alot of people didn't include this additional paperwork and we knew the recalculation would mean it would take awhile for us to get our refund. But, it couldn't have come at a better time and it was so much more than we anticipated. Now we can do some extra things on vacation, like eat ... or how about horseback riding?

It was then time to head to my TOPS meeting. I let a few people go ahead of me when weighing in. I just didn't know what to expect. The whole weigh-in process seemed to be confusing. I could see from the weights on the scale not going up, that I had a loss, but how much? Vera said it was 3/4# which was okay. I sure would have liked a whole pound instead of a fraction. It just sounds like more is accomplished. Like fractions really don't count but I was okay with it. In fact, it gave me what I wanted ... a loss before vacation. Something to keep me motivated and to strive for a loss the next time I weigh in. Then at roll call she said that I had a 1/4# loss ... I was confused, so I asked to be weighed again and this time, it was a whole pound. I'll take it.

Most of the group was going for Mexican food after the meeting and I knew how much I got in trouble at a Mexican Restaurant the last time I went, so I decided to head home. I stopped at McAlister's and asked to see their 200 calorie menu .... I was told it was really the 500 calorie menu.

It was still daylight when I got home and I asked Gary if he walked yet in the evening and when he said no, I suggested we go for a stroll. I thought it was comfortable out ... not too hot or humid but Gary said it was getting muggy. I could have gone farther but Gary was ready to head back and the sun had set. Over all things turned around and I knew the days ahead would be much better.

Monday, July 12, 2010


Rainy days and Mondays is the title of a song back in my era. It was by the Carpenters. I didn't even know the lyrics until I looked up the date the song was a hit, but it fits.

Talkin' to myself and feelin' old
Sometimes I'd like to quit
Nothing ever seems to fit
Hangin' around
Nothing to do but frown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down

Well it's not raining but it is Monday and I feel pretty lousy. I need to re-read Stephanie blog post on Confidence because I feel that I have none today. The first thing I pretty much did this morning after showering and getting dressed was get on the scales. I just knew that the scale would get all the kinks worked out and it would show an obvious loss but no, it didn't look like it.

Then one little stumbling block after another seemed to happen and before I knew it I was questioning every move I made. Was I doing it right, did I make a mistake ... I even questioned myself about our upcoming vacation, the timing ... not being able to watch Jacob and Gracie on Saturday.

I kept telling myself that everything that had happened pretty much worked itself out without any negative result and that I was blowing things out of proportion. But that seems to be me ... all or nothing thinking. If it's not perfect then it's wrong. I usually don't mind making mistakes but it really gets to me when it seems to be one right after another.

I found out Saturday that there's something to be said about taking a class rather than doing it on your own. I bought a Latin Dance exercise tape thinking that it'd be pretty close to doing Zumba and I set out to do it after I got up on Saturday. I only got through about 15 minutes and was tired and got distracted on laundry, dishes and things to do downstairs, so I turned it off.

I thought I had a good week, choosing what I ate wisely and that's why I'm pretty sure I didn't gain but not losing is a bummer because I did more exercise than I have in months with Zumba and walking and wonder what would have happen if I wasn't movin' it. Maybe it's just a cycle but I really needed a loss before we leave on Friday to help keep me accountable and remind me of what the result of hard work is.

Again, it's all emotional it's nothing set in stone ... it's only a feeling not reality. It will pass and I'll get the results I want if I keep working. I can't get discouraged. I can't live in fear of the next step I make being wrong. That's called sabotage. Tomorrow is a brand new day and hopefully the OFFICIAL scales will have a change of heart tonight.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Staying Positive

Yesterday was filled with running errands. Some personal, some for work. We went to AAA to get some info on Wisconsin and to see if we could cash in our foreign currency that I'd been holding onto for a couple of years. I guess there's a parallel there along with starting a weight loss program. I held onto the money because I thought the exchange rate would go up. But the economy tanked and now I thought I better get what I can get out of it before the value decreases anymore. Putting things off sure didn't work for that and it hasn't worked in losing weight. They say there's no time like the present.

We had our normal Eggroll One Friday night dinner and I'm making a habit of leaving something on my plate. On the way home we stopped at the drugstore and grocery and it was getting late. I had suggested we walk when we got home and I wondered if there was still time. I made sure there was. Gary only walked part of the way and headed back home but I walked the distance I wanted to and quite a bit of it was uphill, so I felt I accomplished what I set out to do.

I was pretty tired last night but couldn't sleep. After tossing and turning for over an hour, I decided to get up and watch a program that I had on the DVR called "Excuses Begone". I still need reenforcement of what I know. It was mainly about the choice to believe you can get what you want and rid your self of the excuses. I finally went to bed at 2:30 a.m. with thoughts running through my mind like "you can do it", "make it work" "you get out of it what you put in" "if there's a will there's a way" "you do what you gotta do".

This morning I got up and weighed. In my PJ's I was down an ounce or two but who goes thru life in their PJ's. I picked up some clothles and held them and I was up two pounds ... huh? Can't let it get me down. Some foods hold water ... maybe the rice expanded? (lol) I got to remember what I said about scale fluctuations ... two more days until the official weigh-in and I'm going to be okay.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Building Blocks

Yeah, it's Friday! I don't know why but when there's a holiday in a week, making the workweek shorter, it always seems like it'll never end. I'm ready for the weekend, even though it usually brings tempting moments.

I got on the scales this morning and I'm down a little more. I have stayed motivated this week. Maybe because it's been quiet with no demanding go, go, go schedule or activities. Meals have been simple and I have kept my portions in line. I have been eating off of a salad plate to give the illusion of more food, which has satisfied me.

Since I didn't make the time or effort to bring something for lunch yesterday, I decided to go out. Subway would be the best choice. Going out was like walking into a furnace, so I decided Blimpe's was closer and it's pretty much the same. The only problem is that it is right next door to King David's Hot Dogs. The gremlins of my mind come out to play. I've been good this week, one bad meal won't hurt, you worked some extra calories off at Zumba a couple of days ago ... Sheilah, do what you say you're going to do. As I walked into Blimpe's, I asked myself ... was that so hard? I discovered that I like Subway much better and I'm not going to melt walking a couple more extra blocks the next time.

I have felt draggy the last couple of days with no energy. They say exercise gives you a high and I thought I would walk last night but it was raining on the way home from work. I thought, well there goes that bit of exercise. I plopped down on the sofa when I came in and marked my territory for the evening. I mentioned to Gary about taking a walk in our conversation while watching the news. The weather came on and after showing the radar, it seemed like there would be a window of opportunity before dinner. I guess it's good to share your ideas and goals with others because a little later, he said are you ready to go, it's stopped raining and off we went before dinner. The temperature had dropped quite a bit, so when we started walking it was quite comfortable but it seem to be more and more humid or muggy as we walked. I questioned myself if I was really that out of shape. I seemed to have trouble breathing or was it weather related? We walked for about 45 minutes and I was certainly glad to see the house in sight. I hope to get out this weekend and walk a few times to build up my stamina. I know it's not going to happen overnight but I've got to do a little every day and I will become stronger.

Thursday, July 8, 2010


Really had to drag myself out of bed this morning. Glad there is only one more workday this week and I get to sleep in on Saturday. It seems like a trend for me ... start dieting, feel worn out. I think it's just my body adjusting to a change. I know if I keep it up, I will start feeling better and have more energy. I'll need the energy to get on some sort of exercise routine.

I didn't weigh myself this morning but feel good about what I have done this week. There have been a few slight discretions but I have allowed enough points for those. Even so, I worry about those times when I grab a handful of cashews (yes, they're still in the house) because it shows I don't have total control. But, it could be worse; there are also chips in the house and at least there is protein in the nuts and not a lot of empty calories.

Last night I spent most of the evening searching for B&B's for our upcoming trip to Wisconsin next week. I have a very limited budget and need to stay within a certain price range. Since we're going to a touristy location, the standard prices seem to be higher. When I find something good, I find it lacks one or more amenities on our list, like a private bathroom. Or if it is perfect in every way, it's not available which is my fault because I have waited so long to book. I know those cashews were eaten last night because of frustration. Looking back what could I have done to calm that emotion? Maybe when I got to that point, I should have just stopped and got away from it for awhile? I could have set out on another task that I knew I could complete for positive reinforcement. Distractions can be good and they can renew your spirit to go back and finish the task at hand.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010


It was so hard getting up yesterday to go to work after such an enjoyable long weekend, but you do what you gotta do. I'm sure that could be carried over to eating right and exercising. If you put the time and effort in, both come with a paycheck

Last week there was a "Try It" Zumba class at work, due to a new instructor. I missed the class because Erick and his family were in town, but told our Wellness person here in the office that I wanted to sign up for the class no matter what. Around mid-morning an email was circulated that the Zumba class was starting its 6-week session after work. I thought that's great ... not only did I have a weigh-in at TOPS tonight, I didn't bring any workout clothes. It was a valid excuse why I couldn't make it. And ... if I didn't show the first night, why even take the class. They probably said something at the "Try It" class that the session was starting this week, but no one bothered to tell me.

Dig down deep, Sheilah. How bad do you want to be healthy and lose weight? They say if there's a will, there's a way. My weigh-in didn't start until 6:00, so I could be in the class for at least 45 minutes and I could call Gary to run me down some clothes to exercise in. Now looking at it ... there was no excuse. I went to the class and got a good workout. My endurance is not there and I could hear that voice in my head saying I shouldn't have done this because I can't keep up. I did the best I could do and will go back again next week hoping to be a little stronger and I figure as long as I moving there's a benefit. I've heard the expression that horses sweat, men perspire and women glow. Last night I was a thoroughbred because my head was covered in sweat and that's a good thing.

I headed to TOPS thinking that all I wanted to do this week was show myself that you can get through a week of company or vacation or celebration and not go off the deep end. How wonderful it would be to face the scale and see that this time you didn't end up taking two steps back instead of one step forward. It would be a huge success just to maintain from the previous week. When I got on the scales at home, in the morning my good moves at the buffet yesterday paid off and I was back below the 5# hash mark, but was it enough. The TOPS scale is the official scale and it doesn't always agree with the one at home. SUCCESS, I was down one whole pound. I actually got through a tough, tempting week unscathed. There is hope and inspiration in my heart. I'm ready to start another week. Bring it on!!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

It was always tomorrow

Things seemed to have run by in a rapid blur since my last post. There were more family meals and activities and I tried to keep myself in check. Pizza, fast food and cookouts. I felt that I was holding my own until our last family meal together before Erick and his family left. That meal was one I usually have trouble with and that is Mexican. I guess my downfall was sitting waiting for our meal to come out of the kitchen and I had this bowl of chips and cheese in front of me. Aw, that's what mindless eating is all about. It was there within arms reached and I did reach many, many times ... obviously too many times.

I'm don't know if I'm an advocate of weighing every day or not ... maybe every couple of days. I understand the fluctuation in body mass and it usually doesn't bother me to see the scales move upward one day if I know I am eating properly, because I know it will balance out over the week. However, I think it may be important to weigh daily if you haven't quite reached the discipline you need. I was away from the scales for a few days and yesterday morning was the moment of truth. I remember how excited I was about that 5# hash-mark that I went below. I considered it a milestone and here I was up above it again.

Erick, Kim and the kids got away around 10:00 a.m. and Gary and I headed to the river boats for a diversion. We needed to stop for lunch before we got there and I knew Wendy's would be a good choice for me. I was back in the saddle. We hit a couple of casinos with no luck and was headed for the third because we had a coupon for the buffet. The conversation then started back and forth in my head. Today was a new start and back on plan .... no, I had gain and we were still celebrating the holiday just start over tomorrow ... but if I do well eating, maybe I can pull tomorrow's weigh in as a turtle ... tomorrow is a brand new day, start it then ..... I also remember how much I wanted to get through Erick's visit and the holiday and show myself I could maintain through these type of situations, maybe even lose, but that sure didn't look like it was in the cards. STOP!!! We got to Hollywood Casino and walked around and didn't see anything we wanted to play. We head down to the buffet and there was quite a line and Gary didn't want to wait. It was around 6:00 and we decided just to head home but Gary suggested stopping at Golden Corral for dinner ... I wasn't home free, it was another buffet, but I put a stop to all the wait until tomorrow talk in my mind and decided this was the opportunity to show myself I could stay on plan, even at a buffet. I had a salad without the egg, croutons, ham etc. that I usually pile on and had a small steak and veggies. I made it out of there feeling good about my choices and my chances on the scale tomorrow. Maybe this little pre-test will help me when we're on vacation in a couple of weeks. Small steps will get me there.