Wednesday, September 14, 2011


I tried to convince myself it would be a better week but I'm still having problems. Yesterday it was the vending machine. I happened to see a new item in it. Lancer's Peanut Bar. Basically, it's just peanut brittle. A lot of sugar. I walked away but went back in the afternoon. A couple of hours later because of being on a sugar high, I noticed cookies in the kitchen ... no resistance. I feeding something and it's not my determination or will power.

Today, I attended a retiree's lunch with Gary and again, it was eat at will.

When am I going to get it?

Tuesday, September 13, 2011


I have every intention of blogging on a daily basis but when it comes right down to it, I either have writer's block, my life sounds boring or too much is going on to devote 10 minutes to the blog. Those are all excuses but you do what you do and sometimes that has to be enough.

The weekends seems to be the biggest obstacles ... in a lot of things. Usually it's too much going on and my focus goes out the window or I think since I'm home, I can just sit around and relax. Nothing seems to get done and then the guilt sets in but then I think it's too late to start on any kind of a project so I just sit and dwell on it. I'm going to try to make this week different. Maybe I have to write out a schedule or a "to do" list. Maybe that would bring the controlled chaos into some order.

When I'm out of sorts, my eating goes out the window or should I say in my mouth. I guess it's true what they say about using food to fill a void. When I'm busy, there are times when I completley forget to eat and have no hunger pangs or rumblin's in my tummy. But, when I'm being lazy I'm constantly hungry and on the hunt for something to stuff in my mouth. Probably just for something to do.

Okay, all of the above were just rambling thoughts I guess I needed to purge. It's a brand new week and it should be an easier one to stay on track. When I got up yesterday and got on the scale, I was still in the 90's and the scale hadn't moved from the week before but that didn't give me the green light to deviate from my plan. I had my regular breakfast of cereal and I brought a frozen dinner for lunch. It was also my intention to drink a large volume of water but that didn't happen as I had a pretty busy morning at work. I weighed in with a pound loss which put me back into the 80's. It was a shocker but something I'll try to build some motivation. That's three weeks in a row, yeah! I do remember last week curbing myself and telling myself I had enough when I could have easily had one more serving, one more slice, or some chocolate anything. Those little bits of judgment can make the difference between a loss and a gain when the losses are small.

As I mentioned this week should be easier with no free lunches with my boss on vacation. I'll be bringing in my limited calorie frozen dinners in each day for lunch and stick to my salad plate servings at night with less eating out on the agenda this week.

I'm not completely where I was this time last year, but if I get a few more weeks under my belt, I may just be on my way again.

Friday, September 9, 2011


Yesterday was another so-so day. I'm really having trouble right now with my eating habits. I don't know if it's the change in weather ... it's really turning cool. I enjoy that but sometimes any change interferes with routine and psyche. I had to get lunch again for my boss and it was just going to be 1/2 sandwich and soup for me which fits okay into my plan ... BUT there were those two chocolate chip cookies that come with it. Most times I just bring them to the office, dump them in the breakroom or pin them on the "Happy Place" board and am done with it. Yesterday was a different story. I ate my lunch @ Paradise and was face to face with the cookies while I delayed going back to the office and then they were gone. I know it was just to make myself perk up a little. No will power today.

Last night it was planned that Gary and I get back to the gym but when I got home, Gary wasn't feeling well. I knew there was no reason I couldn't go by myself but I was tired and what harm could putting it off for another day cause? I sat through the news with the struggle of yes, go ... no, stay home this time running through my mind. Well, as you take one step at a time, I went up and changed clothles and still struggling I told Gary I was headed to the gym and did he want to meet me at Eggroll. He said just to pick up something for dinner. I went and did a mile and felt so much better after. We had spaghetti for dinner (aren't you suppose to carb load before you run?) and probably overdid that too but at least I put in some exercise.

One of these days everything is going to click and I'm going to string a few of those day together and be on my way.

Thursday, September 8, 2011


I wasn't in the mood for much of anything yesterday. I forgot to bring my lunch so I headed to Subway at lunch ... the weather was noticeably cool as I walked and I decided chili sounded better so I retraced my steps and headed in the opposite direction. I know I had too many crackers in my chili and I could have done without the cheese ... why don't I remember all those little things add up. At least I got a little walk in.

I intended to go to the gym after I got home but spent the evening on my butt plastered in front of the TV instead. I'm really dragging this morning and I think it's lack of REAL exercise. I'm headed back to the gym tonight.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011


Well, I played out my fortune cookie message from last Thursday over the weekend. It was full of fun. There was time to play, time to work and time to relax and all but one activity went according to plan.

Friday night we went to a high school football game. The coach is one of our high school classmates and he took over the program last year. It was quite a challenge for him because prior to his arrival they had only won one football game in the last ten years. Last year we went to the one game they won last season and saw a lot of improvement. They won the game Friday by a large margin and I'm hoping they'll continue to improve their record. Their motto is certainly to "Never Give Up". Bill is quite the disciplinarian and he's going to be tough on them because he expects results from his efforts.

Saturday Gary and I did one of our Casino Crawls where we hit four casinos. It's great that we enjoy the same things but I wish we could play together to feed off each others excitement when we hit a bonus or jackpot but we just don't seem to bring each other luck. We took our pot and divided it by four to use at each casino to last us through the day and we ended up bringing some money home for the next crawl and also put some away in our vacation pot from the machines that we did hit on. It was a late night and I wonder how much validity there is about avoiding eating late at night because he hit White Castle about 11:oo p.m. on our way home. I don't know the truth about late night eating but I do know that I shouldn't have eaten what I did. Looking back always seems to be clearer, doesn't it.

Sunday we were pretty wiped out and all I did was update my high school blog which literally took hours. We had a lot of input this month and pictures and it all took time to organize and set up. I really need to work on the input as I get it, instead of putting it all together in one day or evening ... but that's me, the procrastinator. I seem to thrive off of the last minute push.

Labor Day was an enjoyable afternoon with Stephanie, Jim and the kids. It's these times that I miss the rest of the kids and grandkids and start a countdown of when everyone will be together. Gary grilled some traditional holiday fare and we played some games after lunch. The only thing I had on my schedule to do Monday and that I didn't do was go out for a run/walk. My knee is still tender and I used whatever other excuse just not to go out.

When I got up yesterday and weighed, I so hoped I would see the 80's but the scales are still stuck in the 90's. I did so well during the week but let down my guard over the FUN weekend. Again, looking back I saw my mistakes and how I could have whittled off at least one pound. I weighed in with 1/2 pound loss and that's okay, I'll work on it again this week and see those 80's.

I had originally planned on going to the 80's Zumba Party with Stephanie last night but again thought I better give me legs another day of rest so I could get three days at the gym in this week on the treadmill. Disney is only 3 weeks away and I don't want the chance of a injury and be unable to participate with the family. Before leaving for my weigh-in, I checked one of my email accounts that I don't use a lot. It's the one that I listed on Facebook. It is usually full of spam but I do get some TOPS emails there and I was trying to kill some time before I left. I happened to see an email from a high school classmate. She was giving me late notice that some classmates were getting together before one of them moved to California. The gal moving was one of my bridesmaids and I hadn't seen here since right after I got married. BUT, fear set in. I knew this was going to be a group of girls from a different grade school than I went to ... what if the majority of them were people I didn't know and they be so busy talking to Peggy, I wouldn't fit in ... and because I knew I couldn't be there at 6:00 because of weighing in first, what if there wasn't a seat left when I got there. What if I had nothing to contribute to the conversation if they were all talking about their pre-high school days. What If ... What If. Maybe I just shouldn't go ... make up an excuse that I didn't get the email in time or had other plans. So what? Maybe there'd be another time. I remembered a quote and decided to "Do It Afraid". Just go and make an appearance and it might not be so bad, in fact maybe it'd be fun like braving the anxiety and jumping in a lake with friends. Well, when I got there, there were five ladies in a booth for six. They all went to the same grade school but they all went to the high school with me. Peggy looked great and some of the conversation centered on me at times ... we were all catching up and it was fun. I'm so glad I didn't let my uneasiness or introverted personality stop me in having a great evening. I have to learn to have more confidence in myself and if I don't do something how will I ever do that I will succeed.

Boy this was a long post ... there goes to show the importance of posting daily.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Yada Yada Yada

Nothing exciting ... just glad the weekend ... the LONG weekend is almost here.

I did have an incident at work yesterday. I had a voice-mail from my boss when I first arrived at the office that said he received a call that a chair was being delivered between 10:00 and noon and to let our receptionist and building engineer know. I was aware this was going to happen as I had received a call about 10 days ago advising me of the schedule date and told them to call Joe when they were 1/2 hour away on that day. I got busy with something and forgot to say anything to Mary Ann or Joe until about 11:30. I immediately asked Mary Ann if a chair had been delivered yet. She said no, so I went down to talked to Joe but he wasn't in his office, so I left him a voicemail. As I was coming back from lunch, Joe was in the lobby and I mentioned something about the delivery and he said yeah, someone was here to deliver a chair and I didn't know anything about it, so I sent them away. My heart was in my mouth. I know I notified him when I got the initial call but I didn't call him first thing this morning when I got the call from my boss. Boy, did I screw up. Then Joe's said ... only kidding, no one has shown up yet. I didn't know whether to hug him or hit him. In normal circumstances it may have been funny but in my fragile state of mind, was it a cruel joke? I guess I should just be thankful and learn a lesson to not put anything off ... do it as soon as it can be done. Boy ... where have I heard that before and not just in relation to work stuff.

When I got home from work and after sitting for a bit ... not putting it off, just relaxing for a few minutes after my drive home from work, I got ready to go to the gym because it was our scheduled day. As my knee and legs still haven't fully recovered from my two previous longer outings, I was going to take it easy. While it WAS a training day, I was trying to convince myself I was just there to get a workout to keep my legs in shape. I thought less focus on training and more focus on just exercise might help my mental stamina. I think it did. I had a great workout and I also reached a goal that I really didn't set out to meet. As I left the gym, I thought that I just may keep this up after the race at Disney. It felt good to leave with my hair damp, sweat on the back of my neck and my face feeling flush.

Gary and I then headed to Egg Roll for dinner. Opening my fortune cookie ... I finally found a fortune that wasn't hookey and one that I should take to heart.

So, that's what I intend to do this weekend is have fun. I'm going to be responsible when it comes to my diet and keep up with my schedule of exercise but everything else will have an element of fun it ... what the heck the diet and exercise can be fun too!

Thursday, September 1, 2011


Pretty much the same as the day before but I said I needed to blog, so I am doing that if only in some repetitiveness. As every student knows, you need to go over things a few times to learn and this journey I'm on is a learning experience.

It was a normal day at work ... slow, which could get me in trouble with a visit to the vending machine in the afternoon. I had brought a banana, but I wanted something more ... something crunchy, so I got a bag of pretzels. I guess I need to have a stash in my drawer of snacks that I can work into my plan. I didn't think pretzels were a such a bad choice. I had a salad at lunch and walked on my lunch hour and then again when I had to run an errand.

My legs were a little sore. I'm sure it was from the 2.4 miles I had done the night before. It is more of a workout running/walking outside. While there aren't major hills, it's not all one elevation. Usually I feel stiffness when I get up and down the next day but once I get going and moving no different, but yesterday WAS different, I was noticeably sore and I can understand where you need a day to recover.

Gary fixed a new recipe last night for dinner. Crusted Parmesan Chicken and it was wonderful. I definitely wanted to go back for seconds but I didn't because I know the calorie count was higher than just grilled chicken since it was made with breadcrumbs and mayo but sensible eating is the way to go. That is enjoying what everyone else is having in smaller portions. I'm getting there.