April 24 --- that was my last post on this blog. The few prior to that were about returning from our vacation to Savannah and I was still struggling but had some determination to get it together. Well, it may seem like the same old song and dance. We just returned from another vacation. We had a great time but last night at TOPS I showed a gain of 4#. It has to stop but how?
Maybe, it's just knowing that some others around me are starting over again too. It doesn't matter how many failed attempts that have happened in the past ... it does means a great deal that I'm worth giving it another shot and to believe in myself.
Last night at TOPS, I really wasn't prepared to give a program. I had a couple of articles that I thought might spark some discussion. The first one was on journaling and how the majority of people that have found success journal in some way. Many in my TOPS group know that I have journaled and blogged. During our discussion, something possessed me to pull out a notebook I had in my purse in which I knew had my last journal entry. It was one of many notebooks that I had started but this one only had one entry. It was titled "Hitting Rock Bottom Built My Foundation" and for some reason I started to read it to the group. I failed to date it, but I think I wrote it about 4-6 weeks ago. I mentioned about mentally wandering off my path completely with no goal in sight and feeling really, really lost. I questioned why it was so hard to make good choices. I wrote another sentence or two and felt like I had a revelation from what I had previously written, but it made no sense as I repeated the words last night. Here's my quote ... "I just go with what I want at the time, instead of what I need to be successful". Maybe there's a word left out here or there. I recall when I wrote those words that it seemed like a switch came on but now? I also cited a quote "When we direct our thoughts properly, we can control our emotions". I ended the entry by saying "it just goes to show I'm not in control".
It really helped bearing my soul and reading my thoughts to the group. I had some questions about my journaling and it made me realize that .... yes, when I journal or blog on a regular basis it changes things but in the past year I haven't been consistent about writing. Something else has happened in the past year and that is I am now two pounds away from my highest weight.
I'm taking the first step of something I know will work. Things can turn around. I proved that to myself before. It's never too late but putting it off does have negative results. I definitely know that I'm worth giving it another go round. Maybe things need to be tweaked or adjusted. I know I feel in my heart that blogging will help me see improvements if I just do it on a regular basis. This is the first of what I hope to be many future entries with no long pauses in between.