Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Ups and Downs

Yesterday was a great day.  No, I didn't go to TOPS last night and end up with a loss.  But I got some of my vacation gain off and ended up gaining a lot less than when I stepped on the scales with a 7# gain the day after we got home.  In the olden days I may have come home with a gain and thought, well I've gained anyway, I'll just give it another shot AFTER I weigh in at TOPS.  But here lately I seem to find myself being an impatient person, so why wait.  That's why my gain was only 1 1/2# and not 10.  I'm eating what I want but in lesser amounts knowing that it's not my last meal and I can wait a few hours.  I don't find myself hungry, so if there is any void I need to find a way to fill it with something besides food.  I'm okay if I'm busy and yesterday was a great day because I kept a steady pace of being occupied.  Nothing out of the ordinary on the planner for this week, although it's appreciation week at work and there will be pizza and dessert this week but since I'm coordinating things that's not going to bother me.  It's like a mother that cooks all day for her family and just isn't all that hungry when it's time to eat when it's on the table. 


Friday, April 20, 2012

Hanging In There

Yesterday's lunch was Subway again ... well it worked for Jared. My choice was that or a salad and I know that salad can have hidden calories even though I'd make sure the dressing would be on the side this time. I went with what I knew would be a better choice and had no problem with it even though I had it the day before. I packed basically the same lunch for Gary for 35 years and he didn't complain so two in a row didn't create a problem for me.

Gary fixed spaghetti and meatballs for dinner and it was very hard not to overdo it there because it is so good. I took less spaghetti than I normally would because I used a salad plate and only one meatball because I also wanted a glass of wine and felt I couldn't have both. Dinner was very filling but I still had the urge to snack later in the evening but I was successful in avoiding.

I keep saying that I need to stay focused and be aware of every morsel that goes in my mouth but is that any way to live? Is that good or does it cause frustration? Shouldn't I just be able to say four meals a day and make good decisions when it comes time to sit down and eat and not dwell on it 24/7. Maybe that time will come. I just have to get a few successful weigh ins under my belt and it's still one day at a time.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

To Be Continued

I saw what I needed to see on the scale this morning. It wasn't surprising because I knew that some of my vacation gain was just water. It was an easy two pounds lost. I'm sure the remaining amount will take some effort. I put forth that effort yesterday, not succeeding totally but in the right direction.

I knew the best lunch yesterday would be Subway and while it's a deal to get their "meal", I opted for just a Turkey sub and drink .... no chips. Chips were part of my downfall on vacation. They were also something I gave up for Lent and when the time of sacrifice was over with the arrival of Easter, I over indulged.

When Gary called to see about supper, I told him that I should just skip it. He was right when he said I had to eat something so when I said it needed to be something light, he suggested a spinach salad from Jockomo. Fine, that'll work. I immediately started looking up the point count for the salad. I know it's important not to starve yourself for many reasons and to stay pretty consistent with calories. At first I told myself that I would get the small size and order the dressing on the side, but I caved and ordered a large salad because I was light on points for the day. My other sacrifice during lent was hot bread and here I was faced with it again at dinner when Gary ordered breadsticks. Things kept running through my head ... okay I'll have one, no one is too many ... I'll just break off a little and dip it in the cheese ... why can't I do what I set out to do ... I am only having a salad, couldn't I have a breadstick too? Why did I want the breadstick? Was it more about depriving myself or testing myself? The big conflict was it sitting in front of me while Gary is eating and thinking about it. I should have had them bring my salad at the same time ... but I felt strong and just kept thinking about how good the salad would taste trying to take my thoughts away from the bread.

Success but another complication. My salad was served with the dressing on it and not on the side like I had requested. I should have sent it back but I couldn't wait again with bread and pizza in front of me ... I ate my LARGE spinach salad drenched in dressing. While I didn't do what I set out to do and that really bugs me, I still did better than I what I could have done. I find success in that and maybe it will help me in my decisions today.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Don't Do as I Do ...

Yes, there's an expression that goes to the tune of don't do as I do, do as I say. I wanted to look it up to get it right and the first thing I see are sites on hypocrisy. Yes, I feel like a hypocrite when it comes to losing weight. I've got all these hopes and dreams and the talk is easy but when it comes down to setting an example or putting the words into action I am no role model.

At my last TOPS meeting before vacation we talked about pitfalls. I wanted to take the information with me and put it to action to avoid a gain when I returned. I said here in one of my last blog posts that I would start blogging on a daily basis to keep me walking the straight and narrow.

So what's the result. I didn't give it my best shot and I ended up with a huge vacation gain. I now feel that I wasn't totally sold on the premise that I could return without a gain and maybe subconsciously didn't buy into it totally. I gave myself permission to indulge but without specifics and ended up being out of control.

We had a wonderful trip and cutting my calories wouldn't have made it any less amazing but why is it I seem to retain that information when we're home but don't while we're gone.

The deed is done and I'm taking a post out of my daughter's blog by working on getting the gain off within two weeks. I now have a goal ... something I keep forgetting about in my daily moves. While I didn't take the opportunity to blog while we were gone, there is no excuse why I can't give myself an edge by doing that now. It's important and it does make a difference.

Today I feel that I've crossed over to a healthier realm and a more routine way of life without so many distractions. I'm documenting what I eat and my level of activity for the day in a notebook that I will always have at hand. That is my new start and something that has proved to work. We travel a lot, so I have to figure out how to be more responsible away from home. I'll have less than two weeks to come up with a plan before our next trip but I'm going to be optimistic. Right now it's just one day at a time.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Almost Time

One more day at work and then it'll be time to kick-back. I just wish I felt better. I have flu symptoms but hope it's just a spring cold and the worst will be over by tomorrow. If I weren't leaving on vacation tomorrow, I would still be in bed. I started today with a good breakfast. I feel that's necessary when you aren't feeling well. Most times when I feel like this all I want to do is eat a little of this and a little of that and this and that usually are packed with calories.

My thinking is cloudy. I was suppose to stop and pick something up at Kinko's this morning and completely spaced it. At meals I need to remember to eat healthy just for the reason of making my body feel better. I've also heard of the importance of staying hydrated, so I'll be keeping my tumbler full today and will be taking a cooler of water on our trip.

Tomorrow will be a better day!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012


I have not posted for a few weeks. In that time, I have gained two pounds. Not a huge gain but it's still a step in the wrong direction. It was a pound this past Monday and a pound the Monday before. That trend needs to stop NOW. I wonder if it would have been less, if I had continued with my regular postings. That is why I am back. There is some accountability, as well as a daily reminder, that I DO have a goal and that is to lose weight.

On Friday, we are leaving for an 11 day trip. It is to celebrate our 42nd wedding anniversary. We will be in Mississippi, Georgia and South Carolina. I am really looking forward to it and the de-stressing. Last week I was under a tremendous amount of pressure with the planning of our high school reunion this summer. I have let things get to me. I head the committee and we had our last meeting on March 25. We covered quite a bit of the detail during the meeting, including the plan to get the mailing out by the first of April. One of the ladies volunteered her house to do the collating and envelope stuffing with the help of a few, but I still had to get the mailing list together in a week's time. Gary and I spent last weekend tracking down classmates and re-inventing our mailing list since it was in the computer that was fried when lightning struck our house. Some of the stuff that we couldn't decide at the meeting had to be handled by email. There is a committee of 15 people and the normal response to my emails was "whatever everybody else says is fine with me". This was about information that was to go into the letter that didn't get confirmed, so without much feedback I did the best I could. I wanted it to be a joint effort but I felt that I was dominating because I had to suggest something. It shouldn't have been such a big deal and I kept telling myself that but have had a headache for almost a week and I know it's tension. The mailing went out yesterday and vacation sound so good.

At the TOPS meeting on Monday, we talked about our game plan and obstacles that sometime come up. One was what to do to avoid vacation gains. There was some good input and I hope to blog to keep me honest.

Another challenge I foresee is that Sunday is Easter. I have given up a few things for Lent and I'm hoping that I don't overindulge in those things just because I CAN, especially being on vacation too. If I know I will have to admit it here, maybe that will help.