Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Anyway ... onto the topic of the post. When I got home, I got on the computer and logged into blogger. I really didn't expect to see any comments and that's okay because before I got back to blogging a couple of weeks ago, I know I was gone for a long time and of those 28 followers many have given up blogging but then for some reason I decided to look at my stats. I thought I looked at it right ... but what I saw was that there were NO page views yesterday. I really felt alone. This staying focused and disciplined and accountable is tough. Yesterday I just felt I couldn't do it alone. I expressed my frustration and weakness on yesterday's blog and it didn't matter because no one was reading to care anyway. I really know better ... my family cares, my TOPS family cares and maybe those couple of people that stop by my blog occasionally and read it, maybe they care too. But, it shouldn't matter. I should be my own cheerleader. I'm the one that's putting the work into it. I'm making the decisions ... both good ones and some not so good.
And up until yesterday, it didn't matter. I didn't need anyone. I was doing well and I was confident that I could do it on my own without any outside assistance. I even felt that I could be the one helping others with their shortcomings and confidence boosting. What a difference a day makes, huh?
The Ashamed part came right before I posted this entry. I logged into Blogger to post and saw that I had a comment from Tess (thanks, Tess). A comment that was dated yesterday. I decided to look at the stats from yesterday again and saw that I had 14 views. Not a paparazzi following but ....
Anyway, maybe it was all in the mood I was in ... which by the way has lifted today. I'm back at home, out of the car, into the routine and ready to get back on track.
Monday, February 27, 2012
I noticed then that anything I did or tried to do wasn't working out the way I wanted. In fact, I was pretty much going to blow off writing this blog post altogether but these are the things I need to express and come clean about.
We grabbed something quick for dinner which meant a sandwich and fries. The fries I ordered for lunch I only ate about half of but the dinner ones were gone and I didn't even realize it until they were gone.
I was bound and determined I was going to end the night on a positive note. The hotel had a workout room and I took advantage of it to gain control of my emotions or maybe blow off some steam.
Today has to be a better day.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
When I went downstairs I discovered Dunkin' Donuts. I'm a donut lover and like Katherine the chocolate frosted ones are my favorite, but when she asked me what kind I wanted I told her I was going to pass, so that I could have some other food later in the day. Kim did fix some eggs but again I was savin' up. I know that it's not a good thing to go without breakfast, but it wouldn't be long until lunch so I thought this one time would be okay.
We had lunch at CiCi's Pizza and I started with salad so I would have a feeling of fullness when I went back for pizza. I'm not that big of a fan for their pizza but for some reason it looked pretty good. I knew I wanted a slice of their BBQ pizza and also grabbed a piece of some kind that had ham and some other stuff on it. Both were the best CiCi's Pizza I have ever eaten. Two pieces were going to be my limit ... but. Out of nowhere the excuses started popping in my head. Hey, you're on vacation ... you've been pretty good, what's one off day going to do ... you're not weighing in on Monday, you'll have a whole other week. Those slices were on the small side. Nope, I'm going to do this, I've come this far and by golly this time I'm gonna finish what I started. I walked out of Katherine's lunch pick with my plan intact.
When we got back to the house, I caught up on some reading and the family played another round of games. On the counter by the table where we sit around for games, conversation, snacks, etc., has been a couple of bowls with candy ... M&M's and Junior Mints. I bet I've walked passed those candies 50 times this weekend. Did I notice them every time? Yep, pretty much. Did I have one ... no, not a one. Did I ever feel my hand reaching for them? Yep, a couple of times. How many times do I have to ask myself, do you really want that? Maybe until I don't notice it or don't feel myself reaching. I was holding out for another meal with my family. Our last one together this trip and I was holding on to those feelings ... happy feelings.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Katherine's birthday party was this afternoon. She's so excited. Kelly finished up decorating the cake and it came out great. We had lunch before the party. Erick made a run to Wendy's. I pulled up their menu online and decided to go with the Apple Pecan Chicken Salad. It would have been wonderful except for the blu cheese crumbles, but still it was pretty good. I think the salads are made up ahead of time, so I don't know if I could have ordered one without the blu cheese or not. I made another stride and that was not to pop a couple of half eaten chicken nuggets in my mouth as I was clearing the table. It's that mindless eating that you're not even aware of that can get something going after you've done it.
At the party I probably should have stayed away from the summer sausage and crackers but did back away before diaster hit and I did have my one piece of cake, but that was planned. Dinner was at Red Hot and Blues and I just had a BBQ sandwich and cole slaw ... no fries. It still not getting any easier but I'm doing better.
We had about four more hours to drive and I made use of it by reading blogs on my Kindle and going through some magazines pulling out recipes, nutrition and weight related articles. I had subscribed to some magazines when the grandkids were selling them for a school fundraiser and I never had the time to read them. This was a good time to catch up.
We made it to Maryland just before dinner. It was good to see everyone as it had been since the first week in January that we were together. We had an early dinner at Woodside Deli and enjoy their terrific potato soup. We came back to the house and while Aunt Kelly worked on Katherine's birthday cake, the rest of us played a couple of games. It was so much fun and we laughed and had a good time especially in Sour Apples to Apples when the key word was sweaty and the winning card was "where the sun don't shine". Between games Kelly put some cupcakes on the table to snack on. They looked great but I'm saving my resolution of having one dessert a week until tomorrow during Katherine's Smurf's Birthday party.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
I made sure that I had my workout clothes with me as I had planned on using the company gym on my lunch hour. There had been some indecision on whether I was going to have my normal work week of getting off at noon on Friday or whether we'd be leaving for Maryland after work yesterday. It was a 90% go that my boss was flying out this morning instead of Saturday and it was decided I could take Friday off and we'd be leaving straight from work last night. I got on the internet looking for a hotel and found one in Zanesville. It had a workout room, so I decided to ditch my idea of exercise at noon. I told myself I'd hit the hotel workout room when we got there. Wanna take any bets. I hope it wouldn't be too late when we got there and I'd be grabbing at some idiotic excuse. When I knew I had a free lunch hour, I decided ... it's Thursday, my normal day to eat out, so why not? So, I bailed on the lower calorie grilled cheese sandwich I had planned on fixing for lunch. I ended up walking to the chili parlor and I tried to savor each bite. I had no idea where we were going to stop for dinner, but I knew I had better watch it.
I found a coupon for Ruby Tuesday's in my inbox for 25% off, so I asked Gary if he could wait until we got to Dayton for dinner. I ended up with BBQ Chicken and a baked potatoe along with their salad bar. Oh, there were so many regular things that I wanted to add to my salad, like egg, ham, cheese but I knew those would add calories. Calories that I had already used at lunch, so I remained viligant. When we got to the hotel it was 9:45 and Gary asked ... are you still wanting to work out. Well, did you bet on me? There could be excuses of it's too late, I'm tired, I'm tensed up from all the driving in the rain but we found out the workout room was open until midnight so that's where we ended up after changing clothes. Yes, WE ... Gary went with me although after 30 minutes he went back to the room before I finished my routine.
Good day and ... I'm so anxious to see everyone.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Being Catholic, Ash Wednesday is also a meatless day which made my choices lighter at lunch. I had a small salad and tomato soup from Paradise Cafe. The brisk walk with a nip in the air on my lunchhour burned a few calories.
I had been in a pretty good mood all day. No problems, everything running pretty smooth .... UNTIL ... I was changing cartridges in my computer and ended up with blue ink all over both hands. I tried to clean it off with both acetone and bleach with no luck. I guess I'll have to go home and wash dishes for a couple of hours and then who knows. Oh well, my granddaughter, Katherine's, birthday party is Saturday. She's having a Smurf's party. I guess I can tell her I was trying to become a smurf, if I still have blue hands when we get there..
The evening was so, so. I decided to work out on my lunch hour tomorrow instead of going to the gym tonight. I still needed to get packed and I wanted to send out questions to classmates for our blog.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
I am extremely worn out this morning. I couldn't believe it when the alarm went off. I hit the snooze at least three times. I don't care if I'm late for work or not .... YES I DO. I need to get up to wrap the baby gift for Heather and take it in to Joyce ... oh, five more minutes.
On the drive into work, I'm starting to wake up and I don't feel like there's a big heavy cloak over me. While approaching a stoplight, the light bulb goes off in my head that I forgot to bring the baby gift with me. Geez, what else did I forget. Lunch ... no I have a frozen dinner still in the breakroom's freezer. I"m not turning back or I WILL be late.
10:30 and starting to think about lunch. I really don't want that frozen dinner ... what sounds good? If I'm going to go out, it should be something like Subway .... but chili or anything else sounds so much better. I can always start eating better tomorrow. How long will it take me to get to goal, if I keep putting it off?
It's lunch time and I need some positive reinforcement. I'll eat my frozen dinner and try to find some interesting blogs. Maybe someone that's a mirror of myself that I can follow. Wondering if I should try to get followers that would read this and encourage me. No, the way things are now ... I'm fine. Stephanie and Kim will comment if I'm losing it ... my mind not weight ... or maybe weight to!
I think I'm done with these frozen dinners. They taste like crap (or carp as Jim would say), especially the chicken ... I think it's made with leftover parts. But, they're so convenient. Well, I just won't get anything with chicken in it. I didn't finish the meal, so that just means I can have a glass of wine with dinner. Mmmm, wonder what Gary's making for dinner?
Tonight is gym night ... but this week's schedule is messed up because we're living for Maryland right after work on Thursday which is suppose to be another gym night. Maybe the hotel we're staying will have a gym. But we probably won't stop until around 10:00? I could go on Tuesday and Wednesday. But I'm not used to two days in a row. So what?
Heard from Gary in the afternoon. He's sick. Said he'd try to go to the gym with me. I had told him last Saturday how tough it was to go by myself. He doesn't feel like cooking, so it's either I cook or we eat out ... we're going to Eggroll, so there goes my glass of wine.
Well, I made it to the gym. Gary said he'd go and just do a little bit on the treadmill ... real slow. I tried to get into my routine. I brought my Kindle to read while I was on the bike to make the time go faster ... too bad I didn't realize I only had two pages left in my book. I wanted to quit but I did 4 1/2 miles. Then to the treadmill ... why is this so hard, why do I want to give up so easy. I kept fidgeting with my Shuffle trying to find music that was more upbeat. That didn't seem to help. I'll just do 1 mile ... but I wanted to improve my last session. Yeah, look at Gary over there sitting down while my legs are aching. Okay, okay I only have to go a couple more minutes to make it. What the heck, go up to 20 minutes and be done with it. When I got off, I did feel like I accomplished something but then thought ... I do all this for 1/2 pound. No, I do this so I can have a couple of beers or a Big Mac and still lose. I'm not dieting, I'm changing. I making choices and that means I can have those extras, just so I don't have extras with those extra like fries or an extra dinner.
Today was a good day after all.
I made another commitment at my TOPS meeting last night. We have election of officers in a couple of weeks. The term runs from April through the end of March. I announced that I would like to be the new leader. I haven't held that office in quite some time. I'm thinking that it will give me more accountability and I will learn along the way in the programs that I prepare.
Monday, February 20, 2012
I had brought my "Smart Ones" to have at lunch but my boss offered to buy lunch if I go pick it up. Can't turn down an offer like that. He even gave me my choice of where to get it. I knew that Cafe 251 had good salads and I knew he liked their wraps, so that's what I choose. But, I'm so afraid. I know that lettuce tends to hold water. Now, I'm doubting my choice. So, if I doubted it why didn't I just have soup or something else? At least with having to walk about one mile round trip I got some exercise. For just once I'd like to get up on Monday morning and see the scales definitely down two pounds or MORE. I felt that I did work at it last week.
I know that I have a tendency to weigh more when I first get up in the morning, so I'm counting on that. I'll face what I see tonight with a positive attitude. Stay tuned for the results tomorrow.
- Where did your most recent trip take you? We went to Illinois a couple of weekends ago. Guys were teaching knot tying. Gals were shopping.
- Is there a place that you’d like to visit that you haven’t yet? If so, where? We're out to visit all 92 counties in Indiana, staying in a B&B and learning some local history. Got alot more counties to visit. It'll take several years.
- Do you travel lightly, or do you cram as much into your luggage as possible? I always overpack. You never know what the weather's going to be or something special you'll be doing :)
- Do your eating and exercise habits change when you travel? If so, how? I'm back on the wagon again and out to prove to myself that you can travel and eat sensibly and return with a loss. The Illinois trip I did just that.
- Tell us about a place you’ve been that you’d like to go back to. While I like the adventure of new places, there are a few places we visit every year, but one place that I've only been to once and would like to return to is Ireland.
- Do you prefer to travel at a certain time of year? No, if someone says go ... I'm in the car waiting.
- If you had to choose, would you go to the beach or the mountains? Never been to the mountains on a vacation. Check that we went to the Smokeys but mountains to me mean snow and cold, so I'd rather go to the beach.
- Have you ever needed a passport to travel? Yes
- Do you collect anything in your travels? Nope.
- Where do you plan to go next? We're headed to Maryland this weekend to see the kids and celebrate our granddaughter's birthday
Sunday, February 19, 2012
I had told Gary earlier that I definiately wanted to hit the gym and at first I thought maybe we could go between games but found out that there really wouldn't have enough time. I also told him this on the way to the Y and he didn't have his workout clothes on like I did. After Jacob's game we headed home and I was under the impression that we would go to the rec center when we got home and he changed clothes. MONKEY WRENCH. Gary said he was starting to feel puny and wanted to lie down for a little while. I took that time to update my blog, check Facebook, and catch up on a couple of games of Words with Friends. Lately when I'm wanting to snack I turned to the games as a distraction. The clock was telling me it was lunch-time even though we had already eaten but I know that I'm not hungry and it's just one of those eating cues so I needed the distraction. Gary came downstairs about an hour later and it was obvious he wasn't going with me. Should I blow it off ... no, I knew I couldn't do that but I wished he would have said something earlier ... I would have went ahead and gone when we got home from the Y and my exercise would be over. The dialogue went back and forth in my brain but I headed out. It was really hard to go by myself and it was hard to do the whole routine that I had planned to do this week. A little bit of exercise would be worthwhile and who would know I didn't do the entire program. But I knew finishing what I started out to do would work wonders in helping me feel stronger about my progress and if I had turned a corner. I finished the 5+ miles.
In the evening we stopped and had dinner on the way to the high school basketball game we were going to. We ate at Ponderosa and I had made the decision before we walked in the door that I was only going to have a salad off their food bar and a steak and baked potato and I stuck to it. We went to the game because it was Super Booster Night which Gary and I were inducted two years ago. After the game, there was a reception for the new inductees. I knew there'd be alcohol and snacks and again I pre-planned all I was going to have was a diet coke ... no snacks. Well, the snacks turned out to be enough to have had dinner there. The best of the spread was pulled pork sandwiches which looked so good and I saw it close up because Gary had fixed him a plate. But, last night it wasn't so hard just sitting and nursing my diet coke while others around me were eating. Rather, I just enjoyed seeing alumni that I hadn't seen in awhile and felt good about my choices and progress for the day.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
It was a fun evening out and while we were there mainly for the music, I remembered the time, when we were much younger, that we got all dressed up like the gals I saw in the sparkly and off the shoulder tops, high heels and perfect make up for an evening that was just a big party. I think the purchase for me when I get to goal, it's going to be something jazzy like I saw last night.
I didn't notice until I posted the picture of my salad that on the table there was the phrase "drink responsibly". I think they should put that on restaurant tables with the word "drink" interchanged with "eat". This morning I got up and was afraid to get on the scale. I'm going to forego doing that until Monday morning and hope for the best ... while I continue to be conscious of what I'm eating because we have another evening out tonight.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Last night when we got to the gym I told myself that there was no rush to go anywhere else and that even though I hadn't planned on increasing my time until next week to seize the moment. I did an extra mile on the bike and an extra 1/4 miles on the treadmill. I liked the way I felt when we headed downstairs to the car. The back of my neck was wet and my spirits were lifted. I need more of that. On the way out, I stopped to talk to the brother of a friend of mine. He was saying that he was really dedicated last summer going to the gym on a regular basis and was able to drop 15 pounds right away. Then in September the weight stopped coming off and he said well, this isn't working and threw in the towel. Well, throwing in the towel didn't work either and he's back at it just like me. I'm determined to "make it work".
Boy, I'm sure glad I only have to work four hours today and then IT'S THE WEEKEND!
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
A couple of weeks ago after following my daughter's blog, I decided to go back and reread mine, starting at the beginning during the period I was doing so well. At times there was a lot drama with the scales but there was also success and I saw determination in what I read. Did blogging actually help me to continue to strive for what I wanted. I truly believe that it did. I feel that getting away from it contributed to my slide and regaining of most of what I worked so hard to lose. It kept me aware, it forced me to try harder, it opened my eyes to emotions and how to act on them instead of reacting out of control.
If I wasn't blogging I truly believe that just because yesterday was Valentine's day that I would have used that as an excuse not to go to the gym ... heck, if I wasn't blogging I probably wouldn't have gotten back to the gym period. I know I wouldn't have passed on the bread which I so felt was a part of eating a meal out. I truly believe blogging is my number one tool to be successful. Not the only one but the main one right now.
A little sidebar story. I had told Gary that even though we were going out to dinner, I still wanted to go to the gym. Another tool ... tell people your plans, it makes you accountable. We couldn't get into the restaurant where we wanted to go until an 8:30 reservation, so this proved no problem to do both the gym and dinner with some time management. My workout routine since last week, starting out slow but plan to increase, has been to do about 15 minutes on the bicycle and 15 minutes on the treadmill which computes to about 3 miles on the bike and 1 mile on the TM. I was finishing up my walking/running and saw I wasn't going to hit a mile in my 15 minutes but thought ... No, I want to do a mile so I kept pushing myself. When it hit 100, I realized that I was watching calories burned and not distance. Oh well, my first thought was that would allow me to spurge with a slice of bread at dinner. In times past maybe but last night I passed on the bread.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
Gary told me to have a good day and cheer up as I headed out the door. My task for the day was to fill my tumbler full of water and continuing replenishing it throughout the day. I did feel bloated so maybe I was holding water and I'd manage a loss some how tonight at TOPS. I'm keeping my hopes alive.
At 5:00, I went downstairs to get on the scales. I knew how much I weighed on them last week unlike the scales at home. It was definitely going to be a loss. I don't know how much and at this point I don't care. I'm headed to my meeting and to get weighed. I'll have something to write about tomorrow.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
According to the Center For Disease Control’s list of the top 10 sources of sodium, most of us get too much sodium from…bread and rolls. It’s not that they contain more salt than potato chips and junk food—we just eat them more because, until now, we didn’t realize they had so much sodium in them.
According to the report, these top 10 items make up 44 percent of the sodium we eat every day. Here’s the rest of the list:
2. Cold cuts and cured meats
6. Fast-food hamburgers and sandwiches
8. Spaghetti and other pasta dishes
9. Meatloaf and other meat dishes
10. Snacks—potato chips, pretzels, etc.
So, if you're planning to slip into a skintight LBD on Saturday, take a pass on having a pizza night or a burger a few days beforehand. Instead, try a protein-packed salad or a piece of grilled fish.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
There is no moral ... I just wanted to say that I'm back in the saddle now and on my first day I didn't get thrown. Looking back the day went pretty much as I had planned. I ate what I had planned and I got to the gym.
This morning I got on the scale and they were down a little, not much but going in the right direction, so life is good.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
There is good and bad in everything, it's just the way you look at it. I am moved to say that 2011 was a bad year, but how can I. A lot of fun and exciting things happened in 2011. Maybe since I'm writing on this blog, I am focused on my weight goals and the success there wasn't so hot. In fact, it was pretty dismal but why focus on the negative ... so I won't.
I normally start out the new year on fire. I feel like I've been given a new lease on life, the slate has been wiped clean and I'm excited about the future. I've had new year streaks that have gone on for weeks without a gain. This year is a bit different. I didn't even really have my first weigh in of the year until mid-January after returning from a vacation which may not be an ideal time to see the numbers you want to see on the scale. But, there has to be a starting point. My second weigh-in of the year showed success of three pounds. Looking back though, I didn't have the well-rounded meals I should have had. I didn't proportion my calories consumption evenly and that may have backfired on me last week when my mind thought I was being a little too restrictive.
While watching my diet most of the week, I did have a few indiscretions, i.e., fries, hot dogs and chocolate which all could be worked into my point allotment probably if there had been one of those every other days but I failed to do the math. That's right I didn't track it on paper, I tracked it in my head which does fuzzy math when it gets the chance. I now realize why I gained a pound even though I felt I walked a marathon on Friday.
I felt pretty defeated that I couldn't even put two weeks in a row at my TOPS meeting last night. I want success but it comes with a price. Am I willing to pay the toll? Am I willing to do what it takes to walk in my weekly weigh-in feeling confident and proud of what I accomplished during the week. It seems like I've had the tendency to say "it's too hard" or "why even bother, just be satisfied with who you are" the last few months.
For right now I'm trying. I've gone back and read some of the entries to this blog when I was determined, motivated and doing well and thought ... I did it then, why is now any different. I making small strides today by knowing how many points I've consumed. I've told Gary that I wanted to go to the gym tonight and I written a couple of my TOPS members of my intentions going forward. I need to be accountable.
Should I count this as Day One or Day 11,001? Whatever it is, I'm moving forward.