Friday, August 31, 2012


Yesterday was a hectic day. So busy that I really didn't have a lunch hour. I ate at my desk and seemed to rush through it ... not good. I think you should be able to take your time when you eat and really think about what you're eating. I think that way the thought stays in your head longer and you don't mistakenly think you're hungry because you don't remember the pleasure.

At least I had a great meal for dinner. Gary said he fixed an old recipe of mine. Probably one that I pulled out of a magazine or newspaper and didn't try as I was never very adventureous. It was terrific. It was a cube steak with a mushroom sauce. I had it along with leftover green beans and leftover roasted potatoes on my small salad plate that was filled.

We're going to the Chicago area for the long holiday weekend so I spent the rest of my evening doing laundry, ironing and packing. I'm also keeping in the forefront of my mind that I can eat sensibly while we're away. I've proved to myself through the last couple of trips this can be done.

Thursday, August 30, 2012


I got up yesterday morning, showered and then tried to figure out what I was going to wear to work. I wish I was more like my daughter who is organized and lays out her clothes the night before. Anyway, I pulled a pair of black slacks out of the closet and noticed how loose they felt, especially in the thighs. Things are starting to change. I'm in my fifth week this go round and am I now seeing physical results? I'm far from being a size smaller but things are looser. I must admit that everything that I COULD wear was getting to the point of being very tight and uncomfortable both on my body and in my head. So, I'm thinking SUCCESS and maybe it won't be long until I will be wearing some things that don't fit now.

On MYFitnessPal, I've picked up a few friends and a couple of them have asked for me to make my food diary public.  I am very hesitant about doing this and don't know exactly why ... OR maybe I do.  I don't eat tofu, spouts and brown rice.  I eat what I want in the portion size that will allow me to keep my calorie count down which in turns lets me enjoy what I eat.  Yes, I enjoy eating ... I do not "Eat to Live".  I'm not at that point yet.  I don't know if I ever will be.  Maybe I feel guilty about that because most of the blogs I read ... people seem to be pushing that, if they're open about their food intake.  The same thing about eating out.  Yes, I do a lot of that too, but right now I am in control and it doesn't matter if I eat at home or McDonald's, it's all about what I choose and how much I have.  Maybe it's the pull between what do I want to do ... lose weight or eat healthy.  It's not that I don't want to eat healthy or that I'm not eating healthy or that I could do better consuming more fruits and vegetables.  Right now it's about losing those extra unhealthy pounds on my body.  I'm more likely to stick to my plan eating things I like.  Like I said before, I'm a people pleaser and I don't want to have anyone think any less of me because of what I choose to eat ... but then I ask myself why do you care? ... you know that what works for one person doesn't always work for everyone.  I realize too that it may help them in their planning, trying something out, etc., but I don't think I'm a typical dieter ... or even want to call myself a dieter; and I really don't think seeing my menu will be a help to anyone.  So I guess I've come to a decision.  It will remain my little secret, although if anyone asks about something I mentioned, like one of  Gary's delicious recipes, I'd be open to discussing it.  

Wednesday, August 29, 2012


Yesterday was a very non-productive day at work.  Nothing pressing and my boss was in a meeting most of the morning.  When lunchtime rolled around I knew I had my "Smart Ones" lunch in the freezer but it didn't sound very appealing.  It wasn't raining, so I really did have a choice whether to have it or go out and get a bite and get a walk in.  I haven't been walking like I'd really want but I could still do that with whatever choice I made about what I was eating for lunch.  I had to run an errand to our attorney's office which was right across the street from Paradise Cafe, so my choice was made.

I was in line waiting when I heard someone call my name.  It was one of my co-workers and we chatted in line for awhile and being polite I asked her to join me.  My plan was blown ... there obviously wasn't going to be a walk.  I mean I couldn't eat and run, leaving her sit alone ... could I?  If I did, I risk the chance of her thinking badly of me.  I'd be rude ... I'd be mean ... I'd be using stinkin' thinkin'  I AM learning.  We sat, ate and talked about her daughter's upcoming wedding and after I finished eating, I took another five minutes or so and then said ... well, I wanted to get some of my walk in and that was that, off I went.  

Yesterday I spent some time to go over my early blog posts.  I was curious about how my progression went when I did so well a couple of years ago.  I knew that I had lost close to thirty pounds by my birthday in November back then and kinda of wanted to track it to see how close I'd be this time around.  I was surprised to see that I went from August to November without a gain.  I was doing exactly what I'm doing now.  I was tracking my food and blogging.  I was in the groove proving to myself I had it in me to get through the rough times and come out on top.  It shouldn't be any more difficult now than what it was then, in fact I think it should be simpler.  I'm feeling good about my progress and my emotions are evening out as well.  I'm going to give myself a very personal present on my birthday.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012


Yesterday was a typical Monday. It was hard dragging myself out of bed after a relaxing weekend, even more so because it was a rainy Monday ... I won't complain about the rain though, after the summer drought we had. The rain did stop me from venturing out on my lunch-hour which is good and bad. My "what to have for lunch" decision was pretty much made for me. I had my frozen "Smart Ones" meal from the office freezer. These meals really keep my calorie count down. They fill me up enough, if I'm busy, not to feel the need to head to the vending machine and I can eat a more substantial dinner. On the other hand, I didn't get any walking in. That's something that's been lacking the past week.

I arrived at my TOPS meeting early, anxious to step on the scale. I was a little nervous too and it's weird what I was nervous about ... I didn't want a huge loss. Huh, does that make sense? I just didn't want it to be superficial and really be hard to lose this coming week. Am I playing head games again? It was a loss of 3# which taking into account that I stayed the same last week meant that over the last two weigh-ins, I was at my goal of losing 1.5# per week. Yeah!!

I gave the program on Letting Things Go and Stinkin' Thinkin'. I think it went over well and got a lot of feedback. It always helps me in doing the research too. The ten different types are

1. All-or-nothing thinking
2. Overgeneralization (it always happens to me)
3. Mental Filter (picking out a single event and dwelling on it ... great party but I didn't make enough salad so the evening was ruined)
4. Discounting the positive (reject positive experiences)
5. Jumping to Conclusions
6. Magnification (blowing things out of proportion -- mind reading -- fortune telling)
7. Emotional reasoning (I feel guilty, I must be rotten; I feel angry, that proves it's not my fault, I feel hopeles, I might as well give up)
8. "Should" statements
9. Labeling - I'm a jerk, I'm a failure, I'm an idiot. Labeling is quire irrational because you are not the same as what you do. You may have a failed attempt at something but that doesn't make you a failure. It was the attempt that failed.
10. Personalization and Blame.

#10 was my nemesis a few weeks ago. I posted a question on our high school class of '67 Facebook page that brought out what I thought was a lot of negative feedback (key words "I thought"). I felt it was bringing distention and division to the class and that it was MY FAULT. I was a mess for a week to the point where my family thought I should seek professional help. Stinkin' Thinkin'.  It's going to take a little while for what I've learned to sink in, i.e., the fear of losing too much (I did end up thinking more rationally).  I actually feel that I'm slowly getting there and you know what else I've discovered ... it helps my mood to remove this type of thinking, as well ... oh, the benefits!!

Monday, August 27, 2012


Still couldn't quite get in the mood to be very productive yesterday. As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I was the first one up but that really didn't count for anything. When I got up this morning I had the feeling of life passing by and not taking advantage with the time I had. I remember that feeling from the past and it just wasn't true. I did get some things accomplished ... just nothing large, bold or major but that's okay. Yes, I could have done more but the things that I might have tackled didn't have to be done with any urgency, so it's okay and I shouldn't feel good, bad or indifferent about anything. Just let it be, and move on and if anything was to learned that's great. The lack of motivation I speak of prior has nothing to do with my motivation to stick to my program. I'm still there and now that I have a month under my belt there isn't as many questions rolling around in my head about ... is this going to be my time? There's no doubt if I keep doing what I'm doing that I will have success. I KNOW the scales tonight will see a loss, I just don't know how much but for once, I'm anxious to weigh-in.

Sunday, August 26, 2012


Yesterday I took the opportunity of it being Saturday and slept in.  Looking back, I now feel I should have taken advantage of taking a nice long walk.  It seems like it's been quite a while since we had a whole weekend at home with no pressing plans and I guess I was just being plain lazy.  Oh well, I think we all get that way now and then.  I was the first one up this morning, so I guess that counts for something if I want to keep score.

I did have some catching up to do with laundry, a bank run and we watched our two in-town grandkids overnight.  Before Jim brought them over, he called and said he was stopping at Taco Bell and wanted to know if we wanted anything.  Quite tempting but I knew I'd be better off getting something on my own while I was out running errands.  I really would have been better off fixing something at home but did okay with a stop at Arby's.  When I got back home Gary said you're having Arby's again and I said I'm doing what'll work for me.  I felt I've had a pretty good week and want to keep that feeling.

We took the kids to Fazoli's for dinner and I got a child's spaghetti and had one breadstick.  I felt really guilty when the manager brought the meals out and I said the kids meal was mine.  Felt like I was cheating the franchise because I obviously wasn't under 12 but Jacob was and he got an adult meal, so I felt we were even but still the guilt.  Something I need to work on, I guess.  I'm such a people pleaser and follower of rules ... well, some rules.  I don't always seem to follow my own about what I should eat.  All in all another good day.  I need to string as many of those in a row that I can. 

Saturday, August 25, 2012


I had yesterday afternoon off and went I got home Gary had the rest of the day planned.  He had given blood last week and got a free movie pass.  That would make two that we had laying around.  He had been wanting to see Bourne Legacy but the problem was that the movie started at 1:00 and we hadn't had lunch and only had about 20 minutes to spare.  His suggestion was to stop at Rally's which is a minute or two away from the theatre ... get a quick bite, eating in the car and head to the show.   I tried to calculate in my head and agreed.  Scarfing down food isn't good so I tried to go slow with my two hot dogs and savor the taste ... I know savoring the taste of a hot dog?  I probably should have just had one but I wasn't having any fries ... I know, I know.

When we got in the theatre, we found out that the passes were good at AMC and the theatre we went to was now Regal.  Disappointment and a plan crash ... what to do.  We decided to head north to a shopping center that has a Marshall's.  I did some research to find retail outlets that carry the brand of cookware that Gary likes and found that Marshalls and TJ Maxx carry it.  While we were headed that way we talked about the movie and decided to try to see if we could go to the theatre where the shopping center was.  The movies don't always start at the time posted because of previews and such so we thought we'd give it a try as it was only ten minutes away.  We made it ... the only thing was that there wasn't any time to get popcorn.  I think that's the first time in our married life we didn't have popcorn when we went to see a movie and that's a GOOD thing.  I enjoyed the movie.  It kept you on the edge of your seat.

We did go to Marshalls after the movie, made a quick stop at the casino, stopped for dinner at Cracker Barrel and arrived in Greensburg to watch a high school football game where a friend of ours was coaching.  It was a terrific game with alot of comebacks from Edinburgh but they couldn't pull out the victory this week.  This is the start of the third season Bill is coaching and you can really see improvement but every week isn't going to be THEIR week ... just like us in our goals.

When I got home I entered my food into MFP ary and was over by 100 calories.  It was that biscuit I had at dinner ... darn.  Still a problem with bread.  I really need that smart phone or a smart dieting brain.

Friday, August 24, 2012


I'm ready for the weekend.  I know it will be easier to get through with proper choices than last weekend but it doesn't mean that it'll be any less busy.  Some of our plans are set in stone but I can only imagine that some impromptu activities will also play in the mix.  It's good to be busy.  I do hope that some of those activities include walking.

I had to go out at noon yesterday to get my boss something for lunch.  I wasn't much in the mood for walking and I forgot to bring my tenny's so I was just going to miss a day.  My projected calories for the day looked good and I really didn't need any activity calories to keep me out of the red.  I headed to Paradise Cafe which is a couple of blocks away and when I got there the line was out the door.  A little Divine Intervention here.  The thought came to mind to take a short walk and I'd deal with whatever line there was when I got back.  I walked for about 25 minutes and when I got back there was only two or three people in front of me.  Yes, sometimes it does take that push ... and positive thinking.

I had a new experience last night.  Gary and I went to our first Wine and Canvas.  It seems to be popular in the Midwest.  It's a three hour session (with adult beverages) and the instructor prompts you step by step creating your own masterpiece.  I thought it was a masterpiece for my husband but mine ... oh well, beauty is seen in the eye of the beholder.  But it was a fun evening.  We met a friend there and had a great time.  I'm not sure if I want to do it again.  They said the "Lighthouse" was more challenging than other pieces, so maybe we'll go to "Date Night" at the end of September when wine glasses don't look as difficult.  I've posted a picture of Gary and Peggy.  You can see a little of my painting to the left of Peggy's picture

Thursday, August 23, 2012


I'm still not in the groove I want to be.  I'm back to posting and logging food but the exercise isn't where it was when I first started.  I have been extremely tired this week but that's the exact reason why I SHOULD be out taking a walk after dinner.  I did get out and walk on my lunch hour yesterday but it was really pushing myself to do it.  I think that takes away from motivating myself.  Maybe with a few consistent days under my belt, I won't feel that way.  I'll be like Nike and just "do it". 

I believe a lack of energy prevents you from being on your game.  Not only did I have the inner struggle of walking yesterday but I also was jousting with myself about my lunch choices.  The frozen dinner called "lunch" in the office freezer just didn't seem to cut it for me.  I felt I needed a little more excitement. ... something like a chili cheese dog.  Since I am becoming more aware of my goals, I plugged it into MFP and didn't like the numbers or should I say the numbers left for the remainder of the day.  I knew Gary would be fixing something great for dinner.  Okay ... trying again, this time just chili.  Nope, guess it will be the salisbury steak from Smart Ones.  That's when I figured that I'd go ahead and use most of my lunch hour to walk and I'd really be ready to eat when I got back and anything would taste good.  I got through it.  I did what I needed to do and I didn't look back.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012


Time just passes by so quickly.  I haven't posted in awhile, even though I said I would.  That is a big mistake and I need to avoid it at all costs.  I know as long as I post regularly here on the blog and track my food on MFP, I am keeping my goals for weight loss front and center.  I must continue to reach the goals I have set for myself.

I weighed in Monday without a gain ... but also without a loss which is fine, especially after our mini vacation to St. Louis.  I was hoping for a small loss (you always do) but am just reinforcing my positive attitude that you can travel without gaining.

I really need to get one of those phones/plans that I can use MFP instantaneously.  I didn't enter my food until I got back from our trip and guessing just doesn't cut it.  I'm also finding I'm still having a problem area with bread.  I am, however, learning from my shortcomings.

So, now that I'm back into the groove ... I know the importance of blogging and tracking.

Sunday, August 19, 2012


I found this post when we got home.  It was the first day of our trip.  Synopsis tomorrow.

We are in St. Louis.  Had a real good day yesterday.  Trying to relax while staying focused on my weight loss journey.  We had lunch at winery and I had a fruit spring salad.  It was on the small size and lots of different greens which I usually pushed my nose up at but actually it was very good with a raspberry vinigrette dressing.  We did some shopping at a "Mills" outlet center and while Gary had an afternoon snack of strawberry ice cream, it didn't bother me going without.  I actually held it for him while he popped into one of the stores to check out something.  It helped that I don't like strawberry ice cream that well.  Ended the evening at a Japanese Steakhouse and I left a lot of food on my plate.  Working on another loss while traveling.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012


Actually it's not Friday but it is the last day I'm working this week, so today will be easier than most to get through.

Yesterday was just an average day.  The only thing going on at work is that something is wrong with the building a/c and most people are hot under the collar.  Not me, I'm very cold natured and it just feels comfortable to me.  Most of the time I'm wearing a sweater.  I got back to my walking gig and walked for about 40 minutes on my lunch hour.

I knew that Gary was watching Jacob and Gracie yesterday and that he probably wouldn't be cooking dinner.  There's really nothing in the house to fix and since we're going away on Thursday and he has a Scout Dinner tonight I knew he wouldn't be going to the store.  All's fine as long as I know where we're going to have dinner, so I can do some quick calculations. 

It ended up being a local pizza place ... Jockomo.  They have the best spinach salad and my plan was that and one slice of the pizza Gary would be ordering.  I am really being more conscious of how I eat.  I'm taking smaller bites and savoring the taste.  It's taking me much longer to eat that way and that's good.  I so enjoyed my salad last night and I actually finished after Gary which is unheard of.  Usually I'm sitting there watching him eat and wanting more.  Live and learn

Tuesday, August 14, 2012


I don't exactly know what the title of my post means.  I guess I could always go look up the origin of the saying but what I want to say is that I proved to myself that I can take a road trip and have a successful weigh-in when I return.  Granted I had a little help watching what I ate while away, but I still made some not so good choices..  Anyway, I know my home scale and the TOPS scale, while not too far apart, are not consistent.  I also know body chemistry changes in a matter of hours.  When I saw no progress on my scale yesterday morning, unlike the past, I didn't freak out.  I'm trying hard to accept things, and move on.

I did become more conscious of my water consumption yesterday.  That has helped me see different results in the past and it was something I needed to do anyway.  I ended up being the best loser last night with a loss of two pounds.  On MyFitnessPal I have set my goal of losing 1.5# each week.  Because of the few things I ate last week that I now wish I would have had less of, if even at all,  I was surprised taking off this amount of weight.  I know that I will have to really watch it this coming week and be mindful that next week's loss may not be as monumental.

We only had four members stay for the meeting, so I decided to hold off with the program I had planned on the topic of "letting go".  I was somewhat disappointed because I thought it would be very helpful but it can wait a week when more people will be there to give feedback when we have a discussion.  In doing the research on the subject, it gave me a lot of insight of what's going on inside my head.

Gary and I talked over the weekend about my emotional insecurities and it hurt .... I guess it's accurate what they say about "the truth hurts".   But I'm trying to look at this feedback in a positive light.  Do I not only need to turn my thinking and attitude around but understand where all of it is coming from?  Perhaps that would help.

I know as a child in those formative years, I lived in an adult world.  Although having four siblings, I grew up as an only child because of the age difference and they having their own families when I came around.  There was basically no social interaction.  My parents were older, so the few friends that came around never had any young children for me to play with and I only remember one neighbor with a child.  It was also the era when a child is to "be seen and not heard".  For many, many years I felt I had no opinion about anything.  I see now that it wasn't that I didn't have an opinion, it was that I believed it wasn't my place to speak out.  I didn't know how to express things, so I internalize alot.  It's very easy for my self dialogue to become flawed.

I'm torn right now because this is something I need to investigate and writing helps but I know this is not a private blog, so is it something I should be sharing?  It's such a tug of war.  It is my outlet but I believe one of my big problems is others judgments and my disjointed interpretation.  Isn't it natural to be affected by what people think?

I'm all over the place with this post but I did want to include my mantra for this week.  Last week it was progression not perfection.  This week it's "we saw a cow, now we're going to go see rabbits".  HUH ... YOU'RE SAYING DID I MISS SOMETHING?  Yesterday Gary went to the State Fair with Stephanie, Jim and the kids.  I had to work but he called me in the afternoon to keep in touch.  Those were his words when I said hello.  He told me how much fun Jacob and Gracie were having and it just put a smile on my face.  Something he says I need to have happen more often.  So this week when I get a little down I just need to say ............... WE SAW A COW . . . . .

Monday, August 13, 2012


I couldn't believe it was 9:30 when I woke up yesterday.  I certainly have caught up on any lost sleep over the past few days.  I guess that's a good thing as they say adequate sleep is necessary in the weight game.  Is it actually sleep or do they mean rest?  I haven't been very relaxed lately so I'll take some tranquility in any fashion.

Gary wanted to stop at the outlet mall in Michigan City on the way home.  He's on a mission to find some Tivoli cookware.  He had bought a griddle quite some time ago and it has really held up well, even resistant to scorch marks that come off easily when being cleaned.  We forgot about the time change and arrived at the mall about 15 minutes prior to its opening.  So we just sat on a bench and people watched.  It was nice just to sit and relax.  They don't seem to sell the cookware in sets but we scored some individual pieces.  We also went into Van Husen.  Keeping my heights high about losing weight, I didn't feel the need to buy anything here but it will be a store I'll definitely shop in when I reach goal.

As I always do on Monday mornings when I'm "with it" in the program, I got on the scale.  It wasn't under the 200 mark as I had wanted to see but I'm still holding out hope for tonight's weigh-in at TOPS.  If it doesn't happen or even if it does, I know my downfalls of the weekend ... and it was over the weekend that it happened. It was ice cream on Friday afternoon and too much bread in general.  I need to hold onto that assessment and remember it when we are gone for the longer weekend coming up.  

Sunday, August 12, 2012


Got up yesterday morning and felt quite a bit better.  Some discomfort when swallowing but nothing like the night before.  (Thanks, Tess for describing what's going on)  The hotel where we stayed provided breakfast and although Gary said it was the best hotel breakfast that he has had in awhile, I wasn't going to be eating sausage gravy or pecan rolls.  I was still a little leary of eating at all and just had a little raisin bran.

The reunion although just a small group went very well.  It was good to see my brother and sister who I haven't seen in awhile, as well as nieces, nephews and cousins.  The stars of the afternoon, though, were the hummingbirds around some feeders that Mel and Janet have.  Wish I had my camera.  Some of the others took pictures, so maybe I'll get some yet.

I ate sparingly and just mainly enjoyed the conversation.  We stayed in South Bend.  Just love those HotWire deals.  The hotel was very nice especially for the price.   We had planned on going to the Hard Rock to see our nephew, Jay, play but I noticed on Facebook that he and his wife ran in the Warrior Dash and wondered if he would make it to Michigan after doing that.  Gary called his brother and found out Jay wasn't making the gig and later we found out he actually is planning on quitting that band.  So while we were disappointed we weren't going to be watching him play, we were kind of relieved because the show didn't start until 11:00 p.m. ... kind of late for us.

Saturday, August 11, 2012


I got my weekend started early.  I had yesterday off and we had plans for a fun day.  We have a family reunion today and we were planning on spending tonight in South Bend but decided to jumpstart the weekend yesterday with a road trip and made reservations for a place in Wabash last night.  On our way there we were going to stop at a couple of wineries and maybe a stop at the racino.  Gary had things mapped out.  Again, I felt I was rushed out of the house.  I slept in ... every time I get the chance I grab it.  I am just not a morning person.  Never have been ... don't think I ever will be.  Anyway, I got things packed and we were out the door.  I got a lecture about not eating breakfast.  I wasn't hungry, there wasn't anything quick to grab like a banana and yes, truthfully, I was saving my calories since I thought I may have trouble this weekend on the road.

Not too far from the house, Gary looked at his notes and saw that the first winery didn't open until 11:00 and the GPS was saying we'd be there at 10:30.  We decided to blow that one off and just go to the racino in Anderson.  We played for a while and then thought we'd use the coupon Gary had for food credit and have lunch before heading to the next winery.  The buffet line was out the door so we opted for Naked Tchopsix.  We ended up with a free lunch.  SWEET.  I really wasn't very hungry so I just got a plate of fried rice.  Gary got the Orange Chicken plate.  We were talking and he said if I wanted some of his chicken feel free.  I popped a big chunk into my mouth.  Next was terror.  I felt it stuck in my throat.  I could breathe, I could talk, I could cough but I couldn't swallow without this horrible sensation.  I drank some water and swallowed and the water came back up.  Gary called over an employee and they were talking about the Heimlich.  I didn't know what was wrong because it's not that I wasn't breathing.  An employee got a large glass of water and I tried to get it down and finally the chicken evidently dislodged.  The panic went away but I was still scared.  I tried to eat but only could get a few bites down and still every time I swallowed I felt a sensation of things coming back up, sort of like heart burn.  Gary said I probably aggravated my esophagus.  We went on to the wineries and I felt no blockage.  It may sound like some sort of excuse but I thought maybe something soft and solid would push whatever I thought was stuck further down into my stomach so I suggested some ice cream.  I was able to get it down okay but still felt the same way.  Later we had spaghetti and meatballs for dinner, another pretty soft meal.  I didn't eat much but things were pretty much the same.  I didn't know whether to go to a emergency room or not.

I was in bed by 9:00 and this morning although not quite 100% things are getting better.  I can swallow without the heartburn sensation.  I'm wondering if some of it isn't pyschological.  I know I'm eating very slowly and really chewing things.  I have always been a fast eater and really tired of the comments like " boy you wolved that down" or "boy you must have been hungry".  I think I learned a valuable lesson yesterday, one that never needs repeating.  I need to slow down and maybe I'll eat less.  I know I'm doing that now. 

Friday, August 10, 2012


We had some good storms on Wednesday night, so I didn't sleep well and it was hard to drag myself out of bed yesterday morning.  Work went pretty well, although not much on my plate.  I'm knew it was my last day of the week and it just makes thing move along in a more positive matter.  Three day weekend YAHOO!

Stephanie sent her dad an email about watching the kids while they went to "Back to School Night".  When we watched the kids last Friday we took them to dinner at Fazoli's.  Jacob asked ... what happened to Cracker Barrel, as that was our usual place to head with them but Grammie had picked Fazoli's to work into her plan.  So, tonight we did make our way to Cracker Barrel and I had my order already placed by the time I left work.  It's amazing what pre-planning does.  Jacob and I had the same main course ... chicken and ducklings.  I'm amazed that what was my NORM before ,,, a grilled chicken salad is more calories/points.  Dinner was DElicious.

I needed a few more exercise  points to be under my point limit and had counted a 45 minute evening walk into that for my day.  I had already walked 30 minutes on my lunch hour.   Gary and I headed out the door and walked a couple of blocsk when I felt something hit my head.  A couple of  seconds later Gary said OH NO ... I asked what's wrong and he said rain.  He had looked at the radar before we left and didn't see anything.  We headed home and there it goes ... I'm over again.  By the time we got to the house, there were no spinkles, so we kept going.  We were at sbout 40 minutes when we saw lightning with thunder.  We got our time in and I was a happy camper.

Thursday, August 9, 2012


Yesterday was a very emotional day.  I drove to work and let my thoughts get away from me.  At times, I had tears streaming down my face.  I took actions from one situation and dwelled on them and let them work their way into other memories and thoughts.  Gary knew I was upset when I left for work and called me shortly after I got to the office.  Part of the reason I felt so bad, is that I felt that I had failed in my mission to reconnect the class.  He said that I do a fantastic job and some people are just jerks.  I refrained from commenting on the posts but by noon, I had had enough.  I wrote a few words and said I was done with it all.  It broke my heart to give this up because I truly enjoy the work I put into our class, even though it  involves a lot of time.

I had no plans for lunch and was looking for that comfort that food gives.  I was vulnerable but was well aware of my goal to get this excess weight off.  I'm not giving up on that.  The best thing for lunch would be Subway, but that sounded like a cardboard sandwich to me.   I could still get what I wanted in a portion that worked into my plan.  I immediately started to search nutritional information.  I ended at Steak n Shake and while I could have had more for dinner if I had Subway; but I was making it work, if I took my walk in the evening.

The afternoon drug by with nothing to pour myself into at work.  I was so ready to head home.  Gary and I had a talk about what was really bothering me and I pretty much realized I was looking at the situation in the wrong perspective.   Not everything is always black and white.  People say things to vent and you shouldn't take on their baggage.  Positive actions and words are mood boosters but there are things to be learned from the negatives in life, as well.  Taking things with a grain of salt, letting it blow over, letting people express their opinions.  What's the saying. I may not agree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

By evening, there were more positive comments on Facebook and I was feeling so much better.  I had let things be thrown out of proportion and eventually things got worked out ... AGAIN.  I can get so emotionally involved sometimes and it's something I have to work on.  I need to just let things go.

There was another fly in the ointment last night and that was just when we were getting ready to head out for a walk, we had major thunder and lightning.  We looked at the radar and decided a walk just wasn't going to happen.  Disappointing because I was over in points for the day but still felt that much was achieved.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012


There once was a young girl who was very shy and lacked a lot of self confidence. She attended a small high school and went there with some of her grade school classmates. Two of which she counted as her friends. I guess as what is normal in any high school, there were cliques. She longed to be popular and outgoing but thought it was futile to seek it out. She attended some high school games and activities with her two friends. Those had to be fun times for her but while at school there was little social interaction for her. When she was a sophomore, her English class was studying prose and poetry and the nun announced an assignment of putting a work of prose to music. You could team up with other classmates and perform your piece in a future class. She knew no one in the class well enough to go up and ask to be in their duo, trio or group and of course no one asked her to join them. The idea of getting out of the assignment by being sick the day of the performance wouldn't work because the students didn't know the exact day they would be front and center because of the class size. There was nothing to be done but to figure out what she was going to do alone. I'm sure most of the prose was synced up with songs of the era, maybe music of the Beatles, Stones, Jerry and the Pacemakers? I wonder why she picked her background music to be "They Call the Wind Mariah". Well, she got up in front of class on her assigned day and her voice was cracking at the start but she finished. After class she remembers one boy coming up to her and commenting positively with good job or something along those lines. That meant a lot to her. When she graduated nothing had changed much in four years and she still felt pretty much alone.

One of the stanzas in the song goes like this:

Way out here they've got a name for rain, wind and fire only but when you're lost and all alone there ain't no name for lonely.

Sorry ... just having one of those days. More high school drama has got me down. In heading the reunion committee (which I'm still truly amazed that I'm doing this) and following the last reunion that was held in June, I have resurrected the class Facebook page. I wanted to keep it active, so I thought I'd put something out there every week. This week I posted a yearbook picture from gym class and asked for memories. What I got from a couple of guys was very vivid descriptions of abuse. I'm done with it all. I'm tired of all the negativity and my vision of having our class become close and connected. I feel so bad about bringing back such horrible memories. Which in turn have turned my memories sour. The knight in shining armor mentioned in the story above won't even give me the courtesy of answering emails when I send them out about events and those times of loneliness in high school are now intertwined with alienation I'm feeling now. What does all of this have to do with diet, exercise and losing weight. It's all about remaining positive and that's giving me trouble right now.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012


I weighed in at TOPS last night with a 3 1/2# loss.  Didn't quite get under the 200 mark but you always have a have a goal for the next week, right?

I had a salad from Palomino at lunch and was really surprised that when I put it in MyFitnessPal, the nutritional information was there.  A great help.

Our TOPS meeting went well and I felt I was with a group of people that I related too, that understood me and that wasn't negative.  Was that because I led the discussion?  Our program was based on affirmations.  Having your brain programmed to help you lose weight.  It touched on the "garbage in ... garbage out" addage.  I read one person's blog on MFP which I shared with my chapter and I think I'm going to write her mantra on a card and put it on my bathroom mirror.  It says "Progression not Perfection".  As long as I've moved forward each week I'm not going to dwell on that I may have taken two steps forward and one back during the week as long as I've moved forward when Monday rolls around if it's even only a babystep, unlike the giant leap I took this week which has renewed my commitment and helped my motivation.

Last night after the meeting, some of the ladies were going for Mexican food.  I knew that even though I was feeling good about my loss and had the added motivation to keep truckin' along, that it wouldn't be the best choice for me, so I announced I was headed home.  I did stop at MacAlister's and got something that I knew would fit into my plan.

On to Week #2.  

Monday, August 6, 2012


As I mentioned, I felt somewhat better yesterday but still not quite myself.  I slept in until 9:00 and tried to get my blog up before we left for an reunion committee outing.  Gary informed me we needed to leave at 10:15 which really rushed me.  I was out the door on time but forgot my sunglasses, some small plates and who knows what else.  I wanted to stop at the store to get some veggies that I could have as snacks on the boat but did I dare say anything as Gary seemed to be on a mission to get going.  I told him we're always the first ones there and his reply was "GOOD".  He said we needed to stop for gas and that was my cue to ask if we could make a quick trip to the grocery too.  I got a small veggie tray and another one with cheese and fruit.  I wanted to avoid the chips, cookies, and other tempting goodies and this would help.  We stopped at Subway on the way to the lake and I only ate half of my sandwich, still not being on top of things.

We got to the lake 10 minutes early and of course the first ones and was told everyone else was running late.  One couple (those bringing chips and dip) wasn't going to be able to make it.  It started to rain.  We're having a drought but of course it would rain when we have something planned.  It didn't last long and when everyone was there we made arrangements to get everything on the boat.  My fruit and veggies trays were a big hit and Gary commented to that account.  We went out to a cove and It was just like high school ... all the girls got in the water and the guys stayed in the boat.  Then I started feeling bad again.  It wasn't so much physically but I just felt out of it, like I didn't fit in.  The conversation wasn't to my liking.  Complaints and badmouthing everybody from daughter-in-laws to spouses of committee members.  Geez, it WAS like high school.  I was really in a mood now and when we took a break and got back on the boat, that's where I stayed when everyone got back in the water.

It turned out to be a beautiful day weather wise and even though I did put on sunblock, I ended up with my back and shoulders burned.  Dave grilled some hamburgers when we brought the boat back and I put mostly salad on my plate with just a large spoonful of some of the other sides people brought.  I felt good that I was in control of my eating.

I was still feeling the effects of my weirdness when I went to bed last night and started to doze off when I guess I  started to make my not quite but sorta like snoring noises.  Gary was getting up and I broke down saying I felt so alone and for him to please stay.  We talked about the "girl talk" and he tried to talk me out of my funk.  I still feel like I'm going through withdrawals of some sort both physically and emotionally.  It's not making any sense but tomorrow is a brand new day.

Sunday, August 5, 2012


Yesterday started out to be a perfect day.  I was able to sleep in, I had the joy of having children noises in the house and I just felt Right with the World.  I fixed a breakfast of pancakes and smokey links for the kids and had the proper portion for myself. 

Jim picked the kids up about 11:00 a.m.  I got dressed and started in on laundry, a bank run, tidying up.  Above are pictures of my favorite pajamas.  They have now bit the dust.  I wore them with small rips in them but today when the bottoms ended up with a trap drawer, I knew it was time to give 'em up.  I now have something in mind to replace them.  When I hit my first 10# gone, I'm going out shopping for a new pair of silk PJ's.

I was working on our household budget when I started feeling a little lightheaded.  I had a decent lunch of grilled cheese and some grapes but as I continued to number crunch I felt worse.  I didn't feel well and started getting dizzy.  I wasn't up to doing any of the things I had planned to do and spent most of the afternoon just lying on the couch.  At 7:00 Gary asked about dinner and gave the choice of take out pizza or going to Egg Roll.  I didn't know if I wanted to go out or not but when I looked at what would be the best choice for me for dinner, I picked Egg Roll.  I thought maybe eating would help but still didn't feel well and didn't eat very much because my stomach was also getting a little upset.  Walking was in my plans but never materialized as I pretty much went to bed once we got home.  I thought my blood pressure might be low and took it and that wasn't the problem, I just felt really wierd.  Almost what I would think withdrawal would be like.  I got up this morning feeling a little better with no dizziness so I was happy about that.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

ALL IN (Almost)

Yesterday I got up 10 minutes before I normally do, but still only grabbed a banana for breakfast.  I got up earlier because I was meeting a friend for lunch for a belated birthday celebration and  I had fallen asleep on the courch after we got back from our walk the night before, and didn't take the time to get her gift wrapped and hunt from a card.  When you know you've got to do something, you do what you need to get it done.  That's an eye opener for me right now. 

Terrie picked MCL for where we were meeting.  She has gone back to Weight Watchers and she said she planned on getting their veggie plate.  I'm not a vegetable eater and that sure didn't sound like something I want for my birthday lunch but this was HER choice and actually a good one for me too.  We went to Cheesecake Factory on my birthday and look where that got me.  Anyway I checked out what I could find for MCL as far as nutritional information.  I was thinking the tilapia would probably be my best pick.  I wasn't a fish eater but I heard that this type of fish didn't taste fishy.  I then saw that amazingly the chicken and noodles was less than 100 calories more and knew that I would enjoy that more.  I accompanied it with squash and green beans and felt I had a lunch that I would pick if I wasn't dieting.  We had a good visit and it was an enjoyable afternoon.

We were watching Jacob and Gracie in the evening.  When I got home I asked Gary if he planned on fixing something for dinner and he said he didn't have anything to prepare.  We talked about where to take the kiddos for dinner and it sounded like he wanted to go to Fazoli's.  Immediately, I checked out how many points I had left for the day and what I could get for the remainder when we went for dinner.  It was like a kid getting their allowance and seeing what they could buy at the candy store.  Okay, maybe that's a bad analogy.  I ended up with a child's portion but was also able to have 1 1/2 breadstick and that was important to me.  I was satisfied and happy with my choice.

After watching a little TV when we got home, it was time to try out a Pinterest recipe for Healthy Breakfast cookies that we planned on taking to a friend's outting on Sunday.  Gracie was excited about helping and Jacob joined in too.  I've got to say they looked a lot better than they tasted but were okay (although my pictures don't show as much yummyness as the recipe picture).  One thing that happened though was that Gary brought in some cookies after they cooled and I immediately grabbed one without thinking.  So maybe I'm not quite there yet.  The cookies were small and supposedly less than 100 calories and that brought me in right ON target for points for the day.

I would have felt better if I would have walked yesterday but my day was pretty packed and I had walked three days in a row (a couple of times each day) where before I was exercising every other day, so I shouldn't have negative feelings.  I feel I'm off to a good start and feel committed.

Friday, August 3, 2012


Yesterday when I got up I was still out of sorts because of the car deal.  I don't understand why I can't just accept thing and move on.  I mean I eventually do, so why do I allow myself to hold on to such a non productive frame of mind.  Maybe it just takes me longer to grasp the obvious.

As I mentioned earlier I started using MyFitnessPal on Tuesday.  I don't quite understand it yet but think I'll try it for awhile just to use as a diary for my food.  I need to be aware of what and how much I'm eating and I can convert it into points.  It's just another form of journaling.  When I first entered my info, it said that I could be at 196 by sometime in September.  I thought mmmm, that's okay.  I'd like to be lower, but that's okay.  Then I pondered further ... geez 196 that's barely under 200 ... I have so far to go.  Why did I let myself get back to this point.  Then more confusion.  When I entered my first full day of food on Tuesday night, it said if I continued to eat like that I'd weigh 191.7 in 5 weeks.  Wow, that would almost be in the 80's ... definitely feeling good about that.  On Wednesday night after dinner and entering my food for the day, it said if I continued to eat like that I'd weigh 196.5 in 5 weeks.  Wow, I gained 5 pounds in one night.  Confusing, huh ... heart wrenching ... it could be if that's what I'd fool myself into thinking.  I know that is all averages and speculation with the data that was entered but with stinkin' thinkin' I could go off the deep end. 

After having all this rattling around in my brain, when I came downstairs yesterday morning, I decided to get on the scale.  I had two good days under my belt, and I knew I'd see a big loss because some of it would be water, bloat from vacation, air, blood sweat and tears ... you know all of that computes to a big number when you're first getting it back together.  WOW, 1.8# lost.  Are you kidding me?  No, that's good, I'm okay.  I don't weigh in until Monday and maybe then I'll see my big number.  Nothing to panic about.  Stay on the plan ... check my attitude and move on.

I had a Smart Ones for lunch and took a 30 minute walk.  I didn't play any games along the way, I just tried to walk and clear my mind.  I'm one that thinks too much.  This is just an off day emotionally and I reminded myself I'm taking one day at a time.  Nothing happened that was earth shattering.  I know I'm on target and I keep reminding myself it's going to be a long process without overnight results, no matter how nice that would be.  I've decided to stay away from the scales until Monday morning.

While walking, I went past the Government Center and saw that a Farmer's Market was in progress.  I heard they do this once a week.  But amongst the fresh produce, honey and flowers were food trucks selling pizza, tacos, BBQ.  There must have been 8 or 10 of them ... talk about a mixed message ... and I didn't think that one up.

Thursday, August 2, 2012


This was breakfast yesterday.  Well it's an improvement over nothing.  I'm just too out of it in the morning.  I'm not a morning person and stay in bed until very last possible moment and then rush around like a maniac until I'm out the door.  Maybe there's a possibility for change here too, but I'm taking things slow.  Maybe so it'll sink in, maybe so I don't get overwhelmed, maybe .... who knows.

All in all yesterday went pretty well.  At lunch I had 1/2 sandwich and soup at Paradise Cafe and walked about 20 minutes on the remainder of my lunch hour.  When I set out the temperature didn't seem to be too bad for walking but after about 15 minutes, I was ready to get back in the cool air conditioning.

Speaking of air conditioning ... my mood was downsized in the afternoon when Gary called and said he had my car back from the dealership at a tune of $1300.  Going in, we were told around a grand.  It failed on us while we were on vacation and we took it into a Ford dealership for a temporary fix for about $300 when we were in New York.  I thought ... hey, it seems to be working okay but knew that it eventually was going to go out again because the compressor was bad.  I thought the band aid would work for awhile but Gary wanted it taken care of right away.  I guess it's a good thing because they told him there was metal in the area and it was ready to blow and it would cost even more if it did and they had to clean it out.  But that much money ... it just puts me in a mood and that's not a good thing when you're trying to stay positive about dieting.

Dinner was great.  One of my favorites.  Parmesan crusted chicken and Julienne Potatoes.  I watched my portions and even allowed myself a glass of wine but that meant no snack later in the evening but that was okay.  I was satisfied with my dinner .... no compromises (well maybe the portions) and that meant no feeling of deprivation.  

We took a walk about 8:45 using a different route which I think is important.  I discovered MyFitnessPal and logged in everything and seemed to be right on target.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012


Off and Running ... Positive and Determined ... Keep it Rolling
Tuesdays are probably my worse days for feeling wiped out. It's hard to drag myself out of bed. Mondays are bad ... but because of TOPS and being on the go until 9:30 or 10:00 p.m. and trying to slow down from the weekend, Tuesday is usually a downer when it comes to energy.
No time for breakfast or maybe I've just got into that habit lately. Is that part of my energy problem? My stomach isn't growling or rumbling, so why not wait until lunch and save the calories. I know that's not the best way to think and I need to start planning better. Around 10:30, I decided I did need something before lunch to keep me from overeating once I got started. I dug a buck out of my billfold and headed to the vending machine. I must have been somewhere in la-la land, because when I got there, I put my money in the soft drink machine. It spit out my change, so I had no opportunity to get my money back. I pushed the diet coke button and headed back upstairs to scrounge out some change to cover the peanut butter crackers that I originally went down to get. Back downstairs ... at least I was getting some exercise from getting up and down from my desk chair. Low and behold no crackers. What I would normally do, would be to get something else ... anything to make the trip worth it. It would probably be the 99% sugary candy bar but this time I just walked away empty handed with lunch less than two hours away. At lunch I chose Subway. I knew I'd be able to track the points and decided to go with double meat (turkey). For some reason I thought that would make the sandwich taste better. I really didn't want Subway but I knew it was a wiser choice, so I guess I felt I needed to work some magic to keep me from being bummed out the first day back to the program.
Normally I would spend the rest of my lunch hour either reading or people watching but today decided a walk was in order with my extra 30 minutes. At TOPS on Monday the other article that I read was about exercising being fun. We went over several sporting activities we may have done as a kid that may work into a routine now. There were a few that I only tried once like tennis, ice skating and riding a bike. I really don't mind riding a stationery bike so maybe getting an old used bike might be worth a try but right now walking is simple and can be enjoyable. At the meeting I talked about how distractions while you are doing an exercise gets your mind off of .... counting repetitions or watching the clock. Like the alphabet game you played as a kid when traveling. So, that's what I did as I set off on my noontime walk. I looked for something that that started with an "A" ... automobile, no problem. I moved right along until I came to "K" ... where's a knight in shining armor when you need one. After walking a block I saw Key Bank and their logo a key. Sometimes it was hard just thinking of words with that particular letter to look for. I should have looked for a knot but didn't even think of that. "Q" was the next stumbling block as I turned to walk on Monument Circle. I could say that Christ Cathedral is a quaint church or the people in front of the Symphony building were quirky or that bicyclist that just past me was quick but those were adjectives and that would be bending the rules. As I turned the corner ... Qudoba's. I finished the alphabet using "X" and "Z" in signs that had those letters but I needed to get back to the office so I guess I did bend the rules but I also exercised without really thinking about it and the time went by so fast.
Gary fixed smoked sausage, green beans and potatoes for dinner. I would have much rather had the fried version but I'm adjusting and now writing down what I eat and the point count and this way gave me more volume. We had talked earlier about going for a walk after dinner when it cooled off. I want to work exercise into my program but I'm just not in the gym mode yet. It got to be 8:45 and I finally said I'm going for a walk. We headed out for a 45 minute walk and I felt good about my day.