MOM

Yesterday was a great day.  My boss has been released to fly after his sinus surgery and headed off to Florida for a long weekend, so I took some of my comp time and I ALSO will have four days off.  I could really get into a habit of these long four-day weekends since I had Thanksgiving weekend off and this one too.

I had a lot planned to do and the best part was I didn't have to work but Gary did ... naaa non aaa naaa naaa.  Well, it wasn't really working for him.  He's retired and he and a friend were volunteering at the Scout office.  It was really play time for him.  But, I can get so much more done when I'm alone.

My first thing to check off my "to do" list was finish getting the house decorated.  I had a start on the "homemade" tree.  I call it this because it has a lot of homemade ornaments or "look like" homemade ornaments on it.  No round balls or glittery stuff.  Since I was by myself and had all day, I took time looking at the ornaments and remembering how I acquired them.  There were several from vacations and a couple from friends and family. 


There was a simple wooden wreath that I knew where it came from but forgot when.  The wreaths were given out after midnight mass in 1988.  That was the year my mother died and we went back to my home parish that year for mass. 








There was also a couple of ornaments that she made for me when she was active with Senior Citizens .... ummmm, Senior Citizens ... now I am one.  I miss my mom alot, even after 24 years, especially at this time of year.  She was a classy lady.  She was overweight most of my life but she just had this air of sophistication about her ... always impeccably dressed with perfect hair and makeup.  She was like me, always working on her weight, but she always looked beautiful and put together. 








The tree in the living room is decorated in white and gold but has one Purple decoration which was from the tree I had growing up and has her spirit popping out from the tree.










I finished with the homemade tree and then onto the racoon tree and everything else was pulled out of the bins.  It got to be around 1:00 when I decided to take myself out to lunch and do some Christmas shopping.  I had a soup and salad combo and was disappointed in the size of the salad but when I saw the calories in the half salad, I changed my tune.  I put a small dent in my shopping but at least I got a pretty good start to get me in the mood.

Gary was home when I got back and my motivation stopped ... but hey, I've  still got another day to finish the decorating.  Maybe I'll even have time to go out for a walk.

UNDEFEATED

Still having tons of spam comments coming through on my blog.  It's such a pain and I don't know how people can get a thrill out of other people's struggles. 

Speaking of struggles ... yesterday was one of those days.  Some good ... some just testing me.  My boss bought lunch yesterday.  He wanted an antipasta salad from a local Italian restaurant.  I looked over their menu and chose a flatbread pizza appetizer.  I thought flat bread had a really cracker-like crust, so I thought I'd be okay but when I got back to the office, it looked like a regular pizza to me.  I could have devoured the whole thing but chose to each half (it was one of those small individual sizes) and put the rest in the breakroom.  I guess I was hungry in the afternoon and really had the munchies.  When I was busy, I was okay but at every break in what I was doing, I thought about just having a LITTLE snack ... but I got through it. 

I was really looking forward to dinner, even though I didn't know what it would be.  It's great to have a husband who can cook and do it well.  We had one of my favorites and it tasted ohhhh, so good.  I was even able to have a glass of wine and stay within my calorie limit.  In fact I was several hundred calories under .... BUT, I had changed that limit earlier in the week when I was upset and thinking I'm really stalled out ... could it be my calories are too low. 

It kept running through my head that I could have a evening snack watching TV, the calories were there ... but were they really?  I sparred back and forth and then did what I haven't done in a very long time.  I went to bed early just to avoid eating. 

TIS THE SEASON

As they say ... yesterday was "JUST ANOTHER DAY AT THE OFFICE".  It was kind of quiet, no celebrations, no Christmas goodies arriving yet to be tempted with.  I did head over to the mall on my lunch hour to get started on my Christmas shopping.  The mall is only a block from my office, so it's pretty convenient.  Before I headed out I knew what I was having for lunch.  Subway is still turned off from my radar and I thought maybe Chick Fil-A may work.  What I really wanted though was a turkey sandwich from our leftovers but Gary forgot to put the turkey in the freezer before we headed to Erick's so it went in the trash when we got home.  I'm still having a difficult time with quantity when I eat.  It's all habit but I'm used to having something more than one item when I eat.  I guess the only way to break habits is to start new ones so it was just the chicken strips for me.  I looked at the calories for the soup, fries and cole slaw and just didn't want to use them to bring down the calories I could have for dinner.  While I know it's important to pay attention when you're eating, I did try the diversion of people watching to help me not miss the fries too much.

I didn't make it to the gym because I had asked Gary to get all the Christmas stuff out so we could start decorating and I was faced with that when I got home.  I guess I did get some laps in by going around and around the Christmas trees putting on the beads.  I got one tree up and fully decorated and beads on another when I broke one of my ornaments and was getting tired and felt I was done for the evening.  I usually wouldn't decorate this early but we're having a big party a week from Saturday and we may be going out of town this weekend, so it has to get done, along with other things.  I guess I should make a list.

LITTLE THINGS

Anyone that knows me, knows that I tend to let little annoyances get to me and I tend to over react making something out of nothing.  That was the case with the calorie count on Sunday.  For once it wasn't about numbers on the scale.  But, it was still a number nonetheless that I let get to me.  It was another fight between the voices in my head ... one saying hey, you were at least trying and the other saying what were you thinking, you're a big . . .well, let's not go there, I don't want to see it in writing.  I was definitely putting blame on myself for not being fully aware instead of saying it was a learning experience ... which sounds like a familiar phrase.  Why can't I remember that ... but not remembering things aggravates me to.

I wanted to go Christmas shopping on my lunchhour but I knew, even before my MFP friends suggested it, that I needed to walk it off.  I wasn't using the walk for exercise purposes like some had suggested but for emotional reasons.  Walking does help clear the ramblings in my head, even though I was feeling conflicted.  I would just shop later. 

When I got back from lunch, I checked my blogger account and found I had over 100 comments on my blog.  I thought WOW some much needed help ... no actually I knew something was up because I only have a hand full of people that follow me, just like MFP.  I had been hacked continuing to get dozens of comments every hour through the day.  Now I probably won't see those few notes of encouragement that I do need. 

I overindulged a couple of days over the past week because of family activities and Thanksgiving and then the debacle on Sunday but I still hoped not to have a gain when I weighed in.  If I did I would just move on.  I guess I can say that now because I did have a loss of 1.25#.  Maybe I'm off my plateau.  I know that I need to keep pushing the envelope though.

DOING THE MATH

It was hard leaving Erick's yesterday morning.  The kids were all pouty and so was Grammie.  So, I'm holding onto the memories until the next time.  At least it was a clear day, no rain like we see so many times on the road.

We stopped for lunch and dinner and I thought I was choosing wisely.  Guess that shows what I know.  I would have been better off with the hot dog and fries I thought I was avoiding when we went to Ponderosa and I got a salad, chopped steak and a baked potato for lunch.  Then I KNEW the calories of the toasted ravioli I was going to get at Fazoli's for a lighter dinner and thought I would be fine for the day.  The thing is that Fazoli's no longer has that on their menu and I ended up with spaghetti and meatballs and a breadstick.

Pretty much after we got in the door when we arrived home, I went to log in my food.  What I saw was close to the amount of calories I'm allotted for the day but it was in red ... it took me a minute but that meant I was over by that amount.  It happened ... and it hasn't even been out of my mouth for a week ... what I swore would never happen again ... AND I THOUGHT  I was in check ... are you kidding me?  I didn't even finish the @#$%%#@ spaghetti and I left a meatball.too.  No dessert ... no trip to the sides bar ... no loaded potato like Gary had ... no candy bar at the rest area ... and I didn't even mention that there was NO SAUSAGE BISCUIT at Mickey D's.  I had doubled my calorie allotment for the day.

I got this, I got this ...I'm okay even if Gary did lose 1 1/2#'s but he's a man and their metabolism is different and he weighs more and ... and ... and I'm stuck and I'm tired of it.  So, I've got to dig deeper.  I got through all this unscathed so far and I'm not an exercise machine like my friends nor am I depriving myself of anything.  I always ask myself is it worth it when I see the extra calories that will be added to my diary and I make the choice .... and I've been feeling good about it, but it goes to show I know nothing!!

It's one thing when you purposely gorge yourself.  It's another thing when all you eat is sugary, fat laden snacks but I don't.  Portions, portions, portions ... I've really been making the effort.  Something's gotta give ... I can't go back, I won't go back but I'm stuck and that seems almost as bad ... but it's not going to be as tough as last week ... I can do this.  I'm going to get on the scales every day this week.  I NEED to see some fluctuation ... I really do or I think I do.  I think I'd be okay to see the scale go up a tad and then back down the next day, as long as it was down more than it was up ... would that help?  Oh well ... I guess it's just Monday and I'm trying to find my way through it all and just be!

MAKE IT QUICK

I've only got a few minutes until we get on the road heading home, so this will be quick.

Had a short walk yesterday morning.  Boy, what a difference from the two days before.  The wind had really picked up and Jack Frost was nipping at my nose.  Speaking of Jack Frost, the whole family went and saw The Guardians yesterday .... cute movie.  Yes, I did have popcorn because it was in arms length.  Before we went to the movie, we had lunch at Red Robin and I couldn't believe that everything was so high in calories.  The fortunate thing is that in Maryland all the chain restaurants have to have the dish's calories on the menu.  I ended up with ... of all things macaroni and cheese and tortilla soup at 600+ ... but a Burger and fries were out of the question.  It was more than a day's worth.

Okay, gotta go.

HERE'S YOUR SIGN

Yesterday I got up and the sun was shining, so I thought it was perfect to walk and I had a little motivation from my friend in New York who walks every morning no matter what .... well as long as I've known her up to now .... no matter what, even hurricanes.

As I walked I saw all of these signs which reminded me that we do get warnings in life but sometimes we just ignore them.

I wanted to change my route but still know how to get back to Erick's, so I walked down the end of one street and make a right.where I saw a white picket fence.  I decided instead of following the yellow brick road, I'd follow the white picket fence.  I walked a ways and got a hint for the walk I was in for.  I was okay with that though.  I'm in a good place with my attitude towards my weight loss right now, even though I'm not losing like I want.  My frame of mind is good and a lot different than it was about six weeks ago.   And the last sign wasn't exactly a warning but reminded me what exercise will do for you.

NEXT . . .

Well, I got #3 Thanksgiving under my belt .... It could have easily been OVER my belt as all the food was great.

I heard the bedroom door open a couple of times before I got out of bed yesterday morning and then sounds of little feet.  It's never an intrusion for me but such a sweet wake up call.  I eventually did get, up showered and got dress.  I anticipated dinner and it wasn't long before these wonderful smells started coming from the kitchen.  That reminded me of the pecan pie and that I better hit the pavement.  I said something to Gary because he usually welcomes the opportunity to get out while we're here because of his RLS.  I guess I misunderstood when I said I needed to walk and he said I need to take a shower.  I waited for him to him haw around until he did that and then when he was out of the shower, he was just sitting around and when I said something about going out to walk, I was told ... I'm all dressed, I'm not going for a walk and I guess I stormed out the door.  It was a beautiful day and I enjoyed my walk.  I do a lot of reflection while I'm walking .... this time it was on turkey and dressing and ... no, not really, I was just enjoying being outside and being thankful that our family is together.  When I was on the homestretch of my walk, I could see our car coming down the street.  It was Gary to see if I was okay and that I hadn't got lost in a strange neighborhood.  I was fine and didn't think I had even been gone that long.  I noticed one thing about the difference in Erick's neighborhood and ours is that ours is flat.  I remember a friend announcing quite often that she took a walk up "Killer Hill" and on my walk, I could relate with one stretch.  It wasn't that long or even probably that bad ... but I remember telling myself, just keep you head down and keeping walking.  I made it, but I was out of breath so I guess I got myself some exercise.

As I mentioned dinner was wonderful and I let myself .... I wrote couldn't help myself but changed it because I could but in this case didn't want too ... have a second helping of turkey and dressing.  I also had a small piece of the pecan pie and it didn't stop there and I also had some ice cream with chocolate sauce but something was different.  I didn't feel stuffed and I didn't feel guilty.  I knew that it didn't stop with that meal.  I would be back in control the next time I ate.  I planned ahead and I succeeded and now I'm finished with Three Thanksgiving Feasts.  Now it's on to the three Christmas parties that are on the calendar. 

SO THANKFUL

As I mentioned in my last post, before we got on the road yesterday morning we stopped at McDonald's.  As we walked in Gary said ... want your sausage biscuit.  Of course he was kidding but that used to be my morning staple when we were traveling.  However, this morning it was the fruit parfait.  One of these days I may treat myself ... perhaps next spring or summer but not this week where I have to pick my battles.

Normally our drive to the kids involves driving in the rain but it was a beautiful fall day.  I didn't even put a jacket on as the comfy sweater I had on was warm enough.  We didn't have any traffic problems but as we got closer to D.C. it seemed like everyone there was headed out of town because the other side of the highway was really thick and backing up.

We got to the kids and the granddaughters were busy doing their crafts.  Earlier in the week Kim had asked everyone to email her with three things that we are thankful for.  Here is the result of her request, a Thanksgiving Tree, it was awesome.

 

Erick took us out for my birthday dinner which was at a chili place.  I splurged with Texas Chili pie.  It's made with fritos.  I did leave alot of chips on my plate though and just enjoyed family conversation.  I'm really thankful we're all together, especially at this time of year.

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER

Ir wouldn't come to that since I know how important blogging has become to me. I tried posting this morning in McDonald's but I guess the computer has a thing against McD's for some reason and wouldn't cooperate ... saying you brought me here but I won't ... I just won't.

Yesterday moved along really quick and I'm glad because I was ready to get on the road in anticipation of having my whole family together. My boss had me order pies for his Thanksgiving from our local deli and told me to get one for myself. I chose Pecan and later saw on Yahoo where Pecan Pie was one of the biggest culprits of overage of calories for the Thanksgiving meal. Over 400 calories for a slice. I will be doing some walking tomorrow to have a small piece of that pie. Gary drove me to work to save 30 minutes on oue drive, so I had to borrow my boss' car to pick up the pie order. It really makes me nervous driving someone else's car but I got back to the office with no dents, scratches, or missing bumper.

I didn't have a very healthy dinner being on the road but when we checked into the hotel pretty late, I made the point to ask about the workout room. Gary said ... are you serious and I couldn't believe the words actually came out of my mouth but knew I had to do something after indulging in those fries. I spent 20 minutes on the bike and was REALLY ready to call it a day ... since it was almost the next one when I got back to the room.

NO WAY IN HEL...SINKI

TTTTTYesterday was my birthday and I woke up to greetings from my husband.  After I showered and got dressed, I headed downstairs to find a card and gift.  Gary is so thoughtful and ALWAYS gets the right card.  He just has a knack for it.  The sentiment was perfect ...

Whatever you wish for, I want to give you.
Whatever your dreams are, I want to help make them come true.
Whatever you're hoping the year ahead will bring, I want to walk beside you along the way, sharing the journey and enjoying our life together . . .

He got me a beautiful top and said the magic words ... it's probably too big.

I checked Facebook like I always do before I leave to go out the door and had a beautiful message from my DIL.  I am so lucky to have my kids spouses in my life ... they are truly like my own kids.

At work my birthday was celebrated after lunch by my department.  I was going to partake with the smallest piece possible of whatever dessert was presented.  The gal that was responsible for my birthday this year was sweet enough to make a very light dessert from sugarfree jello, strawberries and angelfood cake.  It was a very fun get together and we did a lot of laughing because it seemed like every other sentence out of my mouth was "well, when you get to be this age".

Then onto TOPS and facing the scale after what I had previously termed to be disastrous on Sunday but should have been meant to be a day where I let myself go for the sake of celebrating family.  I knew it wasn't the end of the world if I had a gain, that I'd just keep truckin' along and eventually take this weight off.  However, I got another birthday present.  No, it wasn't a loss but I DIDN'T gain and I was thrilled with that.  I only stayed and conducted the business part of the meeting and then I was off to head home and eventually have dinner with Gary.

He had called earlier in the afternoon and said ... I know where we can go for dinner that we haven't been to for a long time and they have one of your favorites.  It was the only place that I order ribs.  They are meaty and the sauce is just right.  I thought about it all afternoon after he called.  I was going to order a full rack to celebrate.  Then I came to my senses and decided a half rack would be as satisfying, remembering my vow about not going overboard again just because it was a special day.  I had left my phone at home yesterday and missed my son's call, so I called him back and when he said "Happy Birthday", I said yep, it has been.  I also had a card in the mail from a long-time friend I went though grade school and high school with that also had the perfect message and I really took the message to heart because I need to believe it.

Each year is a number-- but that's just the start
Try counting the friendships you hold in your heart.
Then count the good deeds that you so often do.
You might have to stop at a million or two.
Count things you've accomplished and kind words you've said
Count places you've been and good books you have read.
Then count, if you can, all the lives that you touch
With your everyday caring that matters so much.
The difference you've made will be perfectly clear
And you'll know why your birthday counts more every year.

Then it off to Oak 'n Barrel and I kept repeating to myself ... half a rack, half a rack, half a rack.  Guess what I was greeted with on the whiteboard inside the door.  "SPECIAL OF THE DAY ... ALL THE RIBS YOU CAN EAT FOR $........ I shrieked No, No, No.  I ended up with .... wait for it ... wait for it.  Yep, 1/2 rack of ribs.

It was a wonderful birthday.

THANKSGIVING #2 OF THREE

Another quick post this morning.  I'm running on fumes from the busy weekend.  It was oh so hard getting out of a warm bed this morning.

I finally got up around 7:00 yesterday morning after not sleeping well, dreaming about frozen turkeys and thinking we should get the turkey in the oven really, really early to make sure it gets done even though Gary said it only needed to roast for four hours.  But it was such a big bird.  I worry too much, I know that.  But, that's me.  But, it wasn't all about me ... I just didn't want dinner to be ruined for others.  Confidence, Sheilah ... have some confidence.

Our dinner went fine.  We had three tables set up for our 20 guests and since we couldn't have everyone at one table passing the food, I set up tables in the entryway to put the food out buffet style.  Yep, all I need is another buffet after vacation.  We sure had lots of food.  It was good having so much family with us but I sure wish there were five more to make it complete.  Our son and family live in Maryland and times like this, I really miss them ... but we'll be with them on the REAL Thanksgiving and I'm so thankful for that and that our daughter and family we'll be there, as well, so our entire immediate family will be together on the holiday.

After everyone left, I started the LONG task of logging my food into MFP.  I couldn't believe how the numbers went up, and up.  I don't know why I couldn't believe it ... I ate a tremendous amount of food yesterday.  However, I didn't have any cobbler.  Not because I wasn't going to eat it, it was because it was never made.  At first, I was miffed, but it was okay.  I really didn't need it.  I never thought I was an emotional eater and maybe I wasn't at one time, but I know that I am now and I should keep reminding myself of that.  Especially the emotions of being nervous or uncomfortable.  Looking back maybe I ate as much as I did because I felt I had to have some of everything because people went to the trouble of preparing it and bringing it to my home.  I should show my gratitude about eating what they brought or I would be insulting them.  But, I realize now that shouldn't be the case.  I wouldn't eat something that I had a allergic reaction just to say thank you.  I should be able to say thank you and that would be enough.  That way there would be extra for someone else to have my share if there wasn't enough or they could afford the calories.  One thing about logging, it makes you go a little deeper into your eating than just eating.  In this Thanksgiving season, I'm thankful for what I'm learning and I know that I will not eat two days worth of calories again.

EMOTIONS RUNNING WILD

We were suppose to pick up the big bird at 10:00 a.m. and I completed my grocery list prior to heading out the door.  It turned out to be around a 25# turkey.  When the butcher handed it to me, it felt hard and I asked if it was frozen because I had ordered a fresh turkey.  He said it'd be okay because it was just flash frozen.  I said, "so it will thaw in no time".  He agreed.  We continued through the store getting things on my list when I said we need stuff for the cobbler.  Gary said don't we have enough desserts (as two other people are bringing pies) and I said I wanted the cobbler and he proceeded to let me know that we always have way too much food and I lost it and started tearing up.  Of all the stuff being prepared, the cobbler was what I wanted for dinner.  I was going to allow myself this little treat.  It was my preference.  Why couldn't I have something that I would like to have.  He calmed me down and said we'd have cobbler.  Looking back, it's so ridiculous, I don't need dessert and why would something so irrelevent send me over the brink.  We brought everything home, proceeded to unpack the groceries, and the bird was still hard as a rock.  We began the thawing process in the sink in cold water and then headed out to lunch.  I had an asian salad and it really hit the spot.  I was still pretty edgy the remainder of the day where everything Gary and I said to each other sounded like someone was trying to pick a fight.  It was back to cleaning and setting up the tables and checking every 30 minutes on the turkey.  Changing the water and trying to get the innerds out of the cavity but there was so much ice in there.  I was starting to worry.  We wanted to brine the turkey and I was now thinking this was out of the question.  I guess clarifying my comment about it being thawed out in no time ... meant that there would be no time to prepare it the way we wanted.

We really didn't have much more time to fool with the turkey.  Tomorrow is my birthday and our daughter treated me to a ticket to the Symphony.  The three of us were going to dinner prior and I needed to start getting ready around 5:00.  We had a nice dinner and headed downtown for the performance which was the music from "West Side Story".  This is my all-time favorite musical.  We even had one of the songs sung at our wedding ceremony.  "One Hand - One Heart".  What I didn't realize was that yes,...  the orchestra was playing the music but the film was also being shown on a big screen with their acompanyment.   It was absolutely wonderful and I enjoyed it so much after a stressful day.  Thank you, Stephanie, for a great present.

When I got home, I filled in my diary and couldn't believe the number of calories in my entree at dinner.  It was a whole day's worth.  Good thing I left half of it on my plate.  With it and a high calorie salad for lunch I was over for the day.  Par for the course and I can honestly say it's going to be pretty hard to stay under today, as well.

PERFECTION

Never ... not even striving for it, because I know that it's pretty much impossible.  But ... yesterday was a pretty good day.  Seems like Fridays usually are because I either have the day off or only work until noon and mornings always pretty much fly by.  My boss came in an hour before I was to leave and had a list of things to do but I was only a few minutes late getting out the door and starting my weekend which was going to be a busy one.

I got home fixed lunch of grilled cheese and tomato soup and started in on picking up the house.  We have 20 coming over for dinner on Sunday to celebrate Thanksgiving.  I also started making a grocery list which made me recall our dinner with Gary's brother and his wife a few days before.  That night after dinner we talked about Sunday's dinner and they started making a list of things they were going to bring which seemed to be about everything but the turkey.  I know they were being kind and considerate and helpful and all of those good traits but I did feel a little let down.  Gary does 99% of the cooking now and I really don't think I'd want it any other way but I do enjoy hosting big family and friend events.  It's work but I enjoy it and it brings back that feeling of being needed that I seem to struggle with since the kids are adults now and Gary is retired and does more domestic things.  It will all just be fine ... I'll put on a few extra touches and we'll just have more food than anyone would ever need.  But, it is Thanksgiving and doesn't that happen anyway.

Well, got to head to the store, so a fairly short post today.

SOME DIVERSION

Guess what I was faced with when I got to the office yesterday morning. A bag of candy. In celebration of the Great American Smokeout, the Wellness Committee in the office passes out candy as a diversion to smoking. But what about us that are tempted to eat the candy which is just as bad for our health? Not only did I have my own bag but my boss gave me his, even when I commented ... yeah, that's all I need is more candy. I took it home, we'll have people over on Sunday and I'll just put it out in a bowl for the kids.

I opted to have one last frozen dinner this week for lunch.  I have several more in the freezer at home and when they're gone ... they're gone.  They fill up my stomach for the most part but lately something else is wanting more and I find myself wanting to snack.  I think it's would be better to bring a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and some fruit.  We'll see how that goes.

I knew that Gary was fixing spaghetti and meatballs for dinner, so when the vending machine was calling me at 3:00 p.m. which I think is the hardest part of the day for me, I tried to get busy with something else.  When Gary called I told him that I wanted to go to the gym.  I really didn't but I needed to go and once I tell him, it's pretty much a done deal.  Just like telling someone on MFP.

I really had to push myself at the gym since it had been several days since I had been there but I got through my bike routine and 20 minutes on the treadmill.  I thought I'd be all rejuvenated when I left but that wasn't the case.  I was happy I went but I was wiped out.  We had dinner when I got home ... very yummy and we watched some television. I kept hearing someone say are you still awake which I replied yes but can anyone tell me what happened in "Person of Interest" and "Elementary". I have a busy weekend ahead of me ... so maybe I'll take a nap when I get home, since I only work until noon.

OUGHT OH . . .

I'm finally feeling like I'm getting in the swing of things. Not quite doubting myself as much like earlier in the week. I just get aggravated at myself when I'm not as detailed as I should be or let things fall through the cracks. I need to ask more questions to get answers I need instead of thinking I'm intruding on those I need the information from. I guess it's the insecurity in myself. Maybe more about that later.

I couldn't face another meal out of a box at my desk for lunch and since I haven't exercised all week, I felt I needed to get out and walk, even if it would be a short walk. I bundled up and headed for the local chili parlor. Chili tasted pretty good on a blustery day. I did my normal thing but when I logged in my calories thought that I could have easily eliminated the cheese and crackers .... or not? That the way I like it but when you're only allocated 1210 calories, an extra 200 is alot. Almost 20% of my daily allotment. I guess you do have to pick and choose wisely. I've opened up my food diary on MFP and I thought that might help me become more conscious and not want others see the red ink, but as long as no one is criticizing me, I guess it's no big deal. I do hate to go over but I usually don't log until after I've eaten and don't realize what I'm doing until I've done it. Anyway, I need to do better if I want to see better results at the scale.

We were invited over to Gary's brother's house for dinner last night. I had no idea what was being served. I guess I could have called my SIL and asked, but I thought that would be rude. You would have thought I would have shaved off as many calories as I could before dinner to be on the safe side but I'm still on the road to success and sometimes I don't quite know the best route.

She had Chicken Parmesan with corn and mashed potatoes. I was going to concentrate on the tasty chicken and just had a small spoonful of corn and potatoes, along with a salad. I passed on the rolls even after a question that I asked about honey on the table made the conversation turn to how great honey was on the rolls. I ate slow and enjoyed our conversation and thought I was home free. Until it was time for dessert. It was a cherry pie they had picked up on the way back from St. Louis from a restaurant they recommended to us. I immediately thought ... they went to extra effort to get that pie ... just for us. I caved and took my serving WITH ice cream, BUT ... I only ate a few bites and shoved the rest over to Gary. I know that wasn't fair to him, as he also wants to lose weight but I didn't just want to leave it half eaten on the table. Steve made the comment ... "too sweet?" and I admitted, no ... just watching what I eat.

I logged when I got home and I was over for the day ... but not by very much. I guess it was just a maintain day and I'm going to be okay with those through the end of the year. Really, I am. They're not going to be my goal each day but ... or well, I guess I do need to try harder.

ALL OUT

Is that anything like "all in" when you're playing poker and you give everything you've got, but in this case it's just the opposite and you aren't taking any chances. Well that's not how this post was meant to read but maybe I do need to examine that angle. It originally meant I was all out of things to write about but I knew that I needed to post something to keep myself in line and strengthen this habit which is really helping me to achieve a goal. Yesterday's account would be pretty boring for the reader. Another day at the office. A unexciting lunch that turned out to be thrown in the trash half eaten and a family dinner which was a last minute arrangement but brightened my boring day. Lunch was a new variety of Lean Cuisine ... Ranchero Beef. When I picked up some frozen dinners at the store over the weekend, I just glanced at the picture and saw chunks of beef. I thought it was time to try something different but didn't bother to read the label. When it was in the microwave, I finally checked out the package and saw that it came with chipolte sweet potatoes. I've never cared for sweet potatoes and I'm not that much into mexican food but I would at least taste them. When the buzzer went off I saw the meat in some sort of sauce, all three pieces. What a gyp. I did taste the potatoes ... not to my liking and the sauce on the meat was much too spicy. I took a couple of bites and threw the rest away. Gary called in the afternoon. He was picking up Jacob and Gracie from school and said Jim had called and asked if we would have dinner with them at City Barbeque. I appreciate Gary checking with me. He's very in tune with me trying to loose weight and doesn't want me to have any conflicts with my diet. But there was no way I would pass up a family outing, even if I had to sit there with just a glass of water. Of course that didn't happen but restraint was in order ... no cornbread, no bun, just a few fries and plenty of green beans, along with the pulled pork. It was good getting caught up. So, there in a nutshell is my day. A little boring, a little exciting, some defeat, some victory. A nice balance and balance keeps me moving forward.

OFF DAY

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I was ready to face the music after a week of buffets.  I felt that I just didn't use the excuse it was vacation time and I could go wild but I thought ahead and made some plans to hopefully hold my own.

Yesterday was a weird day.  Of course it was hard getting up and heading off to work.  It is ... even when I haven't had over a week off.  But something just wasn't in sync.  I had this cloud hanging over my head where something just wasn't right.  Nothing was going wrong but I felt that I had to be very careful not to screw anything up.  Maybe that's a good thing to slow me down, to double check things, and not to make rash judgments.  But for some reason I felt uncomfortable walking in my own shoes.

It was a yucky day, it was raining when I left for work and later, I remember while in my boss' office, I looked out and saw these big snowflakes.  I don't think I'm ready for this.  With it looking dark and gloomy, I just ate lunch at my desk which would help my weigh-in, but I really should have gotten out and walked.  Walking always comforts me.

I kept pretty busy and the day flew by and it was time to go to my TOPS meeting.  We are now meeting in a new place which didn't help my mood.  Even though the people were the same, the setting was strange and unfamiliar.  On the way to the meeting, I questioned my ability as a leader.  I really hadn't prepared a program for the meeting and felt I wasn't doing that good of a job in the role to which I was elected.  I'm telling you it was a weird day. 

It was time to weigh in and I was a bit nervous but knew I wasn't going to have that normal huge vacation gain, so I was pleased about that.  The weight didn't bang against the top, so I knew that was good.  I did have a loss of 1/4# which was fine.  It was something to build on.  My meeting really went great.  I brought an article I printed out right before I left the office to read about eating habits and got a lot of participation and even shared some things I was faced with on vacation.  It was a good weigh in, a good meeting and I guess it turn out to be a good day, even though it was a little weird.

REALITY SETS IN

I weighed myself yesterday not knowing what to expect.  I had tried to hold my own on vacation but each day it became harder and harder.  When we got home I felt huge.  But, I was happy with the results. as I stepped off the scale.  It took a double checking of what I had reported the day before we left, when I weighed for the Holiday Challenge on MFP, but it was confirmed ... I was actually down two tenths of a pound which is a major victory.

We had our annual Thanksgiving Feast with our High School Reunion Committee yesterday.  There were ten of us which was a small attendance this year but there was still plenty of good food.  One of the ladies on the committee hosts the event and provides the turkey and dressing and the rest of us brings other traditional foods.  Food always taste better when you have a variety of cooking styles.  I brought my customary noodles and even they were pretty good.   You would have thought with seeing that I had lost during vacation that I would be extra cautious at dinner, but that didn't happen.  I don't know if it was just an atmosphere of fun and getting caught up with everyone but my emphasis went totally away from the thought of portion control.  I actually went back for a second helping which has been so unlike me and of course there was wine.  When I got on the scale this morning (my normal prelude of Monday morning weighing before my evening TOPS meeting) the evidence of the extra food was there.  But, it's okay ... I had my major victory.

So, TIS THE SEASON.  It has started early.  We will have two more Thanksgiving dinners to enjoy, as well as several Christmas parties, along with a birthday thrown in for good measure.  There was a time when I would say ... well, the first of the year is a good time to start a diet.  I always do well as a New Year rolls around but this time I'm hanging in there, just like I did on vacation ... planning for more good days than off days and who knows how successful I'll be bringing in the New Year. 

STILL VACATIONING

I'm glad that we came home a couple of days before I have to go back to work.  I'm trying to ease back into a routine instead of being jolted back.  I really slept in yesterday and could have probably stayed in bed until noon but I knew that would only make it harder to get up on Monday.  We sat around, catching up on shows recorded on the DVR while we were away, and around 12:30 Gary said "aren't you getting hungry" and I replied not really.  There wasn't much in the house anyway but he found something to fix for himself.

I was thinking about going to the gym and then stopping on the way home to pick up something to eat.  I kept looking at the clock like I was a kid at school at the end of the day and finally decided if I was going to workout, I'd better quit wasting time.  I told Gary when the show we were watching was over, I was going to get dressed and head to the gym and he informed me that he was going to take a nap.  Hmmm, that really helps.   I didin't know if I was surprised or not to find only a few people working out on a Saturday afternoon when I got there.  It was beautiful outside, especially for the middle of November and I thought about Gypsy taking her morning walk and wondered if I should have just stayed home to do that but I was here and I'm more into the bike now than walking.  I spent more time on it, but did do a little bit of walking on the treadmill.  My mind was rambling on the way home, thinkng how glad I was to have worked out and that I was feeling pretty good.  I couldn't believe that for some reason I noticed that I was passing two ice cream cream places on the way home ... but it took me until I got a couple of blocks from home, to realize that I hadn't stopped to get the spinach salad that I had planned to pick up.  Oh well, I really wasn't hungry ... was I?  

I got in the shower when I got home and then as I was getting dressed thought about since I was still in the vacation mode, that maybe we could go to a movie.  I said something to Gary and he'd asked if I had had anything to eat yet.  I told him no ... then I got a lecture about that not being healthy.  He asked if I wanted to eat before we went to the show.  After checking the times, I decided to go to the 6:30 show and we'd eat after.  Maybe that was a mistake because he got a big bucket of popcorn and I indulged.  I had justified that by saying I worked off some calories and I hadn't eaten but I know now that it was a wrong move.  I didn't like the movie (Flight) so now I find me kicking myself for both decisions.  We ended up at Jockomo's for dinner, so I did end up getting my spinach salad but also had a small slice of pizza.  I probably came in right at my calorie total where I could have come in way under but like I said, I guess I'm stilll on vacation and easing back into reality.

FEAR SETTING IN

Well we're home safely.  We got in about 11:00 p.m. last night and I couldn't wait to sleep in my own bed.  I didn't blog the last couple of days even though I know how important that is, so it's one of the few things that I needed to make a priority today.  When I don't post, I find I don't walk the straight and narrow.  It's like I'm not going to write tomorrow, so I can have that cookies or serving of macaroni and cheese.  I don't plan it that way but that's the way it turns out.  We were pretty busy on Thursday and I was just about ready to post when Gary called to meet up with him and then yesterday we were in the car and I thought I could blog from my Kindle but then found I couldn't.

I did try, more than I had during other vacations to stay aware of what I was eating.  I was successful in keeping my eating at meals with no snacking.  I feel good about my success there.  I wanted to be able to enjoy a glass of wine in the room to relax so I refrained from any of the free drinks available in the casino.  I tried to remain active and I felt pretty good about using the hotel facilities to exercise and I couldn't help but do a lot of walking but was it enough.  I wanted to keep a balance of remembering I was on vacation and it was to be an enjoyable time and not one where I was telling myself that I couldn't have this or that.  However, as each day passed, I truly felt I was slipping and I wasn't as diligent as I was the day before ending up eating too much at my meals.

Now this morning, part of me wants to see if any damage was done and the other side of me just can't face the music.  I'm trying to get the mindset that it's no big deal whatever the scale says.  If I gained, so be it.  I will be back to walking the straight and narrow starting now.  So, the decision is to wait until tomorrow when I don't feel so puffy and maybe eliminate some water.  

HOW MANY MONKEYS JUMPING ON THE BED?

Well, there was at least one and one was too many.  It was a rude awakening yesterday morning when the bed shook and you could hear the commotion in the next room WAY before I would have gotten up.  But every cloud has a silver lining.  It just meant an early trip to the workout room and 30 minutes on the bike. 

I found out something about myself this trip.  I can go on short trips and be okay but longer trips are pretty difficult.  I'm hanging in there.

OFF DAY

Yesterday I took it slow, easy and maybe I was a little noncommittal.  I slept in until 9:00 and took my sweet time getting up, moving around, showering and getting gussied up.  I wasn't happy with my hair or makeup but it was time to move on.  I checked the office for voicemails and emails and there was nothing ...  I'm not missed :(  It was too late to hit the gym and with it's inconvenience, I sluffed it off. 

We had lunch at Paula Deen's.  You know the Food Network's Queen of Butter.  Her buffet is one of the best in the area and I guess this was my day to work on what maintenance would be because it surely wasn't going to be a day when the calories came in under target but I did restrain myself to a point.

 

We then drove into Memphis and hit the famous Beale street at which I was a little disappointed.  I thought it would be a bigger area and more shopping.  It reminded me a lot of the French Quarter in New Orleans with all the bars.  We did go into a couple of shops and they were both playing blues so we got to enjoy Blues on Beale Street for which Memphis is famous.  That and this guy.

 

One of the shops had some old antiques and I wanted to try this out but had been warned by so many people to beware, so I refrained.

NOT ACCORDING TO PLAN

Yesterday was moving day.  I had suggested going into Memphis for the day but Gary said since we were moving to another resort, it would be better if we went sightseeing later in the week.  We got an early check-in at the Veranda.  Our room was very nice on the first floor.  We could look out the window at the lake and there was a couple of trees just outside the window making a nicer few.  I unpacked a little and then we were off to have lunch.  I wasn't in the mood to gamble, so I took the shuttle back to the hotel to finish unpacking and to relax for awhile.  The complex where we are staying has three different hotels.  The adjacent hotel about 1/2 mile away has the spa area where the fitness room is located.  I changed into my workout clothes and headed over to the Terrace.  I hadn't walked very far when it started to drizzle.  That's okay, I wasn't going to melt ... well outside anyway, I had hoped to melt some of the fat while I was working out.  I got to the entrance of the hotel, only to find that it was closed.  I walked back to the Veranda (our hotel) and talked to the front desk.  They said yes, that the Terrace was closed but the Casino Hotel had a workout room.  I would have to take a shuttle to get there.  I was bummed.  The main reason was not because of the proximity of the workout room but that the Spa was closed.  The whole purpose of this trip for me wasn't gambling.  It was to relax, pamper and be good to myself.  I had accomplished that so far by relaxing with my Kindle, and working out but I had also planned to have a massage and to have my hair done.  I normally treat myself to a new hairdo for my birthday.  I missed it last year and my hair has grown quite long and I was ready for a change.  I was looking forward to doing this on our trip.  Oh well, sometimes you have to adjust the sails and keep on sailing along.

WHAT AM I MISSING?

Yesterday we were up fairly early for a reason.  We wanted to go to Mass at 8:00 a.m.  I had looked up the address of the closest Catholic Church.  We had passed it when we were here the last time, when we were out and driving around, but I needed the actual address to put it into the GPS.  It was only about 10 minutes away from where we were staying.  As we were getting closer, I thought this wasn't exactly where I thought it was and when we were about two minutes away I thought something was up.  The GPS took us to another of the casinos.  How could it be so confused ... so I looked up the address again and realized that after the word "DRIVE", there was the word extension which I put into the GPS and we found our way and was to church on time.  They were having a special service for healing of the sick and there was a good sermon about the two commandments of Loving God and Loving your Neighbor as Yourself.  I really liked the priest's personality as he preached, and the message was good about that in order to open yourself up to care and being kind to others, you need to start with yourself.  

It was three buffets yesterday and everything was in check.  Breakfast was about 1/4 cup of scrambled eggs, fruit and a small container of yogurt.  Lunch was salad, a very small helping of spaghetti with a meatball and a slice of pizza.  Dinner was pulled pork BBQ ... after all, we are in the south ... and veggies.  Since all these meals are compted I don't feel like I'm not getting my money's worth when I'm just getting a sample of a few things on one plate instead of the several trips along with dessert that has happened in the past.  I am giving myself permission to have one night where I might go off the grid but I seem to be waiting it out until there is something I really, really want and that hasn't happened yet.

I hit the gym again in the evening and am glad that we will be moving to another hotel and hope their equipment is more state of the art instead of state of disrepair.  I shouldn't complain ... at least I got my workouts in.  I only stayed on the treadmill for 10 minutes as I had walked alot all day.  So much in fact that my feet really hurt.  But, still no complaints.  It's all good.

Here's something that looked good but I passed on ... I really didn't feel that it was something I was missing out on.

UP AND AT 'EM

The complementary breakfast at the hotel yesterday was from 6:00 a.m. - 9:00 a.m.  I was really concerned after getting up early the day before that we might sleep in and miss a meal ... God forbid.  That wasn't the case.  The bed was comfortable, one of those pillow top types, but it was still a strange bed and neither of us slept that well and woke up early.  It was even earlier there because of the time change.  There was some type of international convention in the area and the hotel was full of people from Quebec, South America and Italy.  Lots of people telling secrets ... well they might have been, because I couldn't understand a word they were saying.  I did hear a oui, here and there.  Gary lucked out as he said their sausage gravy was some of the better he's had in a hotel.  Of course that wasn't for me and I just had 1/2 bagel with jelly on it.  It was enough to tide me over.  We had a several hour drive ahead of us with a stop at the beautiful casino we really enjoyed last time we were in St. Louis.  We played Pai Gow for a little bit with Gary winning a few dollars and me losing but within my budget and we were on our way.  I used my Kindle to stay in touch with MFP, check Facebook, looked up what a "Billiken" (St. Louis University's mascot) was and decided I need to order the new Kindle Fire 4G.  The Kindle is so handy when traveling, I hardly remember you can read books too.

Well, Dairy Queen was still on my mind from the botched lunch the day before, so when lunchtime rolled around we searched for one on the GPS and luckily there was one close and this one wasn't closed.  We had a quick lunch and got to our hotel in another couple of hours.  Dinner was a buffet and being Friday night, seafood was featured.  Neither Gary or I are seafood eaters, so choices weren't that great, even the pasta and veggies had seafood in them.  It was a different approach to my quantity buffet from the night before.  This time it was just a small steak, a piece of prime rib, carrots and a salad.  We played a few slots and I wanted to go back to the hotel to workout, even though it was 8:30 pm. 

I changed clothles and hit the workout room.  When I first went in, I saw the treadmills but no bikes.  I found them in another room.  They were old and wobbly.  In fact, they were like peddling on a rocking chair.  There were two bikes and they were both that way.  I could stop the wobble, if I stretched my arms out stiff.  Almost like holding a push ups.  I alternated doing that and got through 22 minutes and then 20 minutes on the treadmill.  It was a workout.  I was tired and sweaty going up to the room.  A guy got on the elevator ahead of me and asked what floor.  I said 7 ... er, whatever the top floor is and as he hit both 7 and 9 said well ... you'll get there eventually.  I guess I WAS tired and thinking about something else because I got off at 7 and wondered why my key wouldn't work in the door that had the "do not disburb" tag on it ... Ooops, wrong room since it was the wrong floor.

GO FIGURE

I started my vacation yesterday.  No alarms were set as we had no set schedule to leave.  But y'all know Murphy's law and I was up before the alarm would have gone off, if it had been set.  That's okay I had packing to do.

I needed to go to the bank on the way and it didn't open until 9:00 so it was kinda nice with no rushing and pretty much remembering everything when we were out the door.  I made sure that my hot rollers and the iron were unplugged so I didn't have to worry about that once we were on the road and there was no turning back. 

This is going to be relatively the most economic vacation we can take.  We're using HotWire for a room in St. Louis and all our rooms are compted in Tunica, along with meals.  We were going to stop at Mickey D's for breakfast on the way and I had a coupon for that.  Here lately I have been getting a fruit parfait but this morning because of the buy one breakfast sandwich get one free coupon, I was going to get the sausage biscuit.  We got in the drive-through line and Gary ordered.  We picked up the bag and I handed over his sandwich.  Mine felt lighter than normal and when I opened it up, I didn't see the sausage overhanging the biscuit ... I opened it up and gazed at a whimpy piece of bacon that had been cut in half to make two itty bitty pieces.  STRIKE #1.  That's not what I wanted ... AND I didn't eat it.  If I was going to expense the calories, it wasn't going to be on something I didn't want. 

We drove for a few hours and decided on an early lunch.  I punched restaurants in the GPS and saw there was a DQ at the next exit.  I love their BBQ sandwich and it fit into my plan, especially after no breakfast and we got off the interstate.  Guess what ... the DQ was closed.  STRIKE #2.  There was a Wendy's close by so it was one of their value chicken sandwiches and a baked potato.  Both were exceptionally good and tasted so fresh.

We hit a couple of casinos once we got to St. Louis and one had a promotion that you play for a little while and you earned a free buffet.  This is the same buffet that got me into trouble the last time we were there.  But, this time I had a plan.  I was going to eat veggies and more protein and forget about all the starchy stuff like mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, and dressing.  There was no STRIKE 3.  I stuck to my plan.  For some reason I needed quantity on my plate so I did load it up but it was still pretty full when I left because I mainly just took a bite of this and a bite of that and avoided the dessert all together.  I think I made it through vacation day #1 okay.

VACATION

Yesterday went okay.  I got busy at work and just had a frozen dinner at my desk which helped me conserve on calories.  I'm feeling much better about this weight thing and the scale.  Maybe something called acceptance and knowing there is no time frame and I get a chance to do better the next day.  I called my brother who has been rehabilitating after surgery and he was in good spirits and seems to be doing well which really lifted my spirits.  We had fried rice for dinner and Gary said I must be rubbing off on him because he didn't finish his plate either.  Then, it was home to start packing but it was mainly laying out things.  Since I didin't have to work today, it waited until this morning to get everything into their proper bags.  I'm ready for a funfilled vacation.

IS IT SNOWING DOWN SOUTH?

Translation ... Is My Slip Showing?
Translation ... Ya want fries with that?
Translation ... Enough of that . . .

Yesterday was an okay day.  Sometimes it's hard to wrap my head around something and I was having trouble doing a little exercise my boss wanted in comparing airline fares.  Did you know there were L fares and Y fares and M fares ... and even more letters?  I decided I needed a break and opted to go to the mall for lunch instead of having my frozen dinner at my desk.  I needed a change of scenery to help clear my head.  At the mall, in the food court, I was like a tourist in St. Peter's Square.  I did a 180 checking out my options.  I knew Subway was my best choice but it just didn't sound appetizing.  I think I have this hangup with Subway right now.  Maybe I've had too many other sandwiches that just taste better.  I contemplated Taco Bell but knew I'd be using a big percentage of my calories ... that and an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach all afternoon.  No to A&W ... no to that Italian place ... no to Johnny Rockets.  I guess it'll be Chick-Fil-A.  Chicken's good ... right?  Mayo and a bun would just add calories, so I chose chicken strips.  Remembering portion control, I ordered the three piece instead of the six like in the BYEgone days.  My slip up was that I ordered the meal or the combo or the ... ya know, I got fries with it.  I did continue to use my knowledge of portion control though and ate only half of them.  When I got back to the office I logged in my lunch knowing it was going to be on the high side but I did make some choices to bring down the number.  My shock was that the dipping sauce I used put an additional 100 calories in my calculations.  I could have easily done without it and will if given that choice again.

We drove over to Stephanie's to see the kids in their costumes.  They were already on the street and I snapped a couple of pictures.  When we got home, we saw there were kids out in our neighborhood too.  I went inside and emptied the two bags of Snickers into a basket.  The aroma of chocolate was strong. Mmmm, so that's what I've been missing.  Gary started dinner and I periodically answered the door to princesses, super heros, ninjas, and some characters I wasn't quite sure about.  The door bell stopped ringing and dinner was ready about the same time.  Gary made a new recipe ... chicken tetrazinni.  I got out my much smaller salad plate and put several spoonfuls on my plate.  When I sat down to eat, I knew that it was more than a cup and thought about what all little kids hear about cleaning their plates because of all those starving kids ... but I wasn't starving, in fact I was pretty full with half a plate left, so I stopped.  Later in the evening thoughts of those snickers kept popping into my head, remembering that aroma.  Why did Gary get Snickers?  When I bought Halloween candy, I also got Mounds and Almond Joys because I don't like coconut.  Why did he get Snickers?  Because he like snickers that's why ... oh well.  I may be taking a break from so much emphasis on what others are doing but that doesn't mean that I'm giving up.  I'm still trying to make the right choices and I just chose to go to bed early and leave the candy behind.