THE PROOF'S IN THE PUDDIN'

I don't exactly know what the title of my post means.  I guess I could always go look up the origin of the saying but what I want to say is that I proved to myself that I can take a road trip and have a successful weigh-in when I return.  Granted I had a little help watching what I ate while away, but I still made some not so good choices..  Anyway, I know my home scale and the TOPS scale, while not too far apart, are not consistent.  I also know body chemistry changes in a matter of hours.  When I saw no progress on my scale yesterday morning, unlike the past, I didn't freak out.  I'm trying hard to accept things, and move on.

I did become more conscious of my water consumption yesterday.  That has helped me see different results in the past and it was something I needed to do anyway.  I ended up being the best loser last night with a loss of two pounds.  On MyFitnessPal I have set my goal of losing 1.5# each week.  Because of the few things I ate last week that I now wish I would have had less of, if even at all,  I was surprised taking off this amount of weight.  I know that I will have to really watch it this coming week and be mindful that next week's loss may not be as monumental.

We only had four members stay for the meeting, so I decided to hold off with the program I had planned on the topic of "letting go".  I was somewhat disappointed because I thought it would be very helpful but it can wait a week when more people will be there to give feedback when we have a discussion.  In doing the research on the subject, it gave me a lot of insight of what's going on inside my head.

Gary and I talked over the weekend about my emotional insecurities and it hurt .... I guess it's accurate what they say about "the truth hurts".   But I'm trying to look at this feedback in a positive light.  Do I not only need to turn my thinking and attitude around but understand where all of it is coming from?  Perhaps that would help.

I know as a child in those formative years, I lived in an adult world.  Although having four siblings, I grew up as an only child because of the age difference and they having their own families when I came around.  There was basically no social interaction.  My parents were older, so the few friends that came around never had any young children for me to play with and I only remember one neighbor with a child.  It was also the era when a child is to "be seen and not heard".  For many, many years I felt I had no opinion about anything.  I see now that it wasn't that I didn't have an opinion, it was that I believed it wasn't my place to speak out.  I didn't know how to express things, so I internalize alot.  It's very easy for my self dialogue to become flawed.

I'm torn right now because this is something I need to investigate and writing helps but I know this is not a private blog, so is it something I should be sharing?  It's such a tug of war.  It is my outlet but I believe one of my big problems is others judgments and my disjointed interpretation.  Isn't it natural to be affected by what people think?

I'm all over the place with this post but I did want to include my mantra for this week.  Last week it was progression not perfection.  This week it's "we saw a cow, now we're going to go see rabbits".  HUH ... YOU'RE SAYING DID I MISS SOMETHING?  Yesterday Gary went to the State Fair with Stephanie, Jim and the kids.  I had to work but he called me in the afternoon to keep in touch.  Those were his words when I said hello.  He told me how much fun Jacob and Gracie were having and it just put a smile on my face.  Something he says I need to have happen more often.  So this week when I get a little down I just need to say ............... WE SAW A COW . . . . .