I'M OKAY

Yesterday started out like any other day or did it?  I felt a slight mood shift as I went to bed on Wednesday night.  So, maybe I got up on the wrong side of the bed yesterday morning.  If I did, I would have had to hurdle Gary and he was still lying there.  I showered, put my contacts in, got dressed and headed downstairs to step on the scale for the Holiday Challenge.   I thought at first I was down a pound but checking my weight from the week before, I was the same.  That's okay after my big loss last week and the stats I saw.  On the drive to work something wasn't right.  My vision was blurred, especially my right eye.  When I got to work I left my boss a voicemail that I dreaded because I knew he wouldn't be happy with it.  I told him that I knew he couldn't deal with it now because he getting ready to go to Asia for three weeks but I was just letting him know that Christmas cards needed to be ordered (he picks them out).  I went into the restroom and took out my contact, thinking I'd just reinsert it and everything would be fine.  It was so dry that I couldn't get it back in, I dropped it a couple of times and was scared to death that I'd lose it completely and then I'd be in a bind because I couldn't see a thing.  I went back to my office and sent off an email titled "Jelp" asking if anyone had contact solution I could use.  I guess quite a few people got a chuckle out of my attempt to type in the blind. 

As I finished the email, the phone rang and I heard those words from my boss who wasn't a happy camper.  One word went straight to my heart "disappointed".  I don't know what there is about that word but it just breaks my spirit and it's easier to mend a broken heart than a broken spirit.  I don't know if sometime long, long ago someone told me I was a big disappointment to them or what but it pushes my buttons.  I tried to brush it off, but then it seemed like everything I did was a challenge.  When my boss came in we were going over his trip and he was upset that the travel agent messed up the itinerary with the times of his flight.  She really hadn't made a mistake, they were okay, it was just figuring the difference in time and crossing the date line when today was yesterday.  Then I started getting confused and starting losing confidence in myself. 

By lunchtime, I had had it and knew exactly what I was going to do, which was ... head to my favorite Hot Dog place.  I can't even remember the last time I visited there but that was my destination.  This wasn't an impulse decision, it was planned ... AND, it also wasn't a decision I was going to regret.  I felt I needed a boost and I could control the outcome.  I enjoyed my jumbo hot dog with the kind of casing that snaps (it's the only place around with this type of hot dog) and of course I added chili and cheese to it and had fries.  But, I chose it willingly and knew I'd go to the gym later.  I ate slow and enjoyed every bite.  Something was now good about the day.  I don't know if it was the hot dog, or the control I felt or maybe the comfort of something good. 

I was anxious to go to the gym later, I was looking forward to it.  I was going to blow off steam and work off calories.  I put in a little more time than my last session and was hot behind the collar, only literally, when I left.  Gary fixed a nice low calorie dinner of pork tenderloin and green beans and with my exercise calories I came in under my target.  I checked out MFB and had some very supportive messages, I knew then that all things were okay and tomorrow would be another and better day.