Well finally things are changing. I was still fighting my way of the bag yesterday morning. Gary told me that he had 1/2 turkey sandwich leftover from his lunch the day before or that their was leftover pizza in the fridge that I could take for lunch at work. I decided the sandwich would be the best fit for my calories intake. As I may have mentioned before, I am not a morning person and am not very responsive in the morning. Yep, I walked out the door without my lunch. Lunchtime rolled around and I knew that I had a SmartOnes meal in the breakroom freezer. However, I was already bored at work and going out would break-up the monotony. It would also double my calories. I know I went back and forth in my head a dozen times with all the benefits from both side of the coin. I think THAT decision started my move out of the "dark side". I did have the frozen meal and it actually wasn't too bad but most of all, I was satisfied and after it was said and done, I was proud of my decision.
As the afternoon rolled around with nothing exciting or pressing to do, I found I wasn't quite there yet getting out of my funk. I wanted something ... my stash of snacks were calling to me. I knew that I needed quantity over quality (one of the mind games we play) so accessing the amount of bites plus the calories I choose a packet of Cheez It Gripz. They were teeny tiny crackers about the size of a pin head but there were lots of them in the packet at only 120 calories. They fit into my plan but part of me was saying ... you're not hungry, you're bored but I had them over the Chewy Dipps.
Then came my turning point. I came home plopped on the couch. Gary said we had a show on the DVR to watch and fleeting thoughts about going to the gym entered my head. I told myself after my weigh in on Monday that I needed to hit the gym again but when Tuesday came and went and I didn't go, even after telling Gary I wanted to go, I pushed it further and further back into my brain. But there it was again, the thought of exercising. I pretty much gave up the gym after doing the 5K at Disney about this time last year and what was the result of that .... extra pounds. As I was watching Vegas, I blurted out ... let's go to the gym when this is over. We were going out to dinner anyway, why not hit the gym first. So, that's what we did.
I knew I was going to take it slow. Not do as much as I was doing when I was going on a regular basis. We got there and it became obvious we hadn't been there in awhile because our membership had expired. No problem, we took a few minutes to renew and we were on our way upstairs. My plan was 10 minutes on the bike and 10 minutes on the treadmill. I thought surely I could get through that. When I got on the bike, I wondered. My legs were feeling it after the first couple of minutes. I concentrated on the music I was listening to and got to the 10 minute mark. At that point I was doing okay, thinking I can push for 5 more minutes and I'd do 15 minutes on the treadmill too and that would get me to the 30 minutes of exercise I've been challenged to do on the Holiday Challenge in which I felt I was doing miserable. Then something happened at the 15 minute mark on the bike, I saw that I had burned about 175 calories. If I went a couple more minutes, I could burn 200 ... that was motivating me and I did it. I got on the treadmill, thinking ... well since I did 17 minutes on the bike, I'll only have to do 13 on the treadmill. I walked about five minutes at a fast pace and thought I'm going to push myself and see how long I can bump it up and run. I ran for one minute ... winded but I ran. At the 10 minute point, I ran another minute and when I got to 13 minutes, I thought what the heck just make it 15 minutes and then at 15, the same thing happened with seeing how many calories I burned and I was determined to hit 100 calories burned and I got off the treadmill at 18 minutes with another short run. I felt good, I felt empowered.
I knew that I had turned the corner at dinner. I opened my fortune cookie with no intention of eating it but just to read the fortune and here's what I saw "You will conquer obstacles to achieve success". My next test was that the plan was only to eat 1/2 portion of my chicken fried rice to stay in my calorie range. I did that too, even when Gary was taking forever to finish his meal and I just sat there looking at what remained on my plate. I hate to waste food but they don't do half portions and I was back in the groove and had no problem throwing the remainder in the trash.
I read a lot of quotes yesterday about getting up when you fall. One said that a stumble may prevent a fall. I realize now that I didn't fall, I just stumbled and caught myself because I got hurt.