Saturday, August 28, 2010

Rooted in Me?

Can personality traits that have been ingrained for years be changed or it is just a part of who you are and you're stuck with it? I've always been shy and reserved but on occasion I can come out of my shell so maybe the "people pleaser" in me can change or at least be modified. I mean it's good to a point in being kind and helpful but is there a "dark side" to this trait?

Last week the TOPS loop I'm on started a team contest with various tasks to accomplish each week. One was to keep a food diary. No problem with that, I know how helpful journaling can be and it keeps me accountable. The dilemma was you got extra points for posting on the loop for everyone else to see. I immediately felt judgment set in with people thinking how does she think she can lose weight by eating that? I almost gave up those extra points for my team but half-heartedly managed to convince myself what does it matter what they think? It's working for me. I can have that glass of wine or that serving of augratin potatoes if I work it into my plan. Why do we worry so much about how others think? Is it holding us back from what we really want to become? I know alot of people won't go to the gym because they feel people are talking behind their back about their size. I almost succumbed to that way of thinking a couple of weeks ago when I was trying to decide whether to participate in a day on the lake and being faced with probably being the largest one in a swimsuit. They were supposedly my friends and they certainly weren't going to mock me, were they? Rereading this ... maybe it's not the people pleasing part but the judgment part or do they go hand in hand.

I'm diligently trying to learn to be my own person and do what I need to do that will get be to where I want to be. Does it matter what another person thinks ... maybe. I guess there's always room for constructive criticism. It just how I react to it that can make the difference in a good day or a bummer-type of a day. It's going to take a while but I'll get this all sorted out. Success feeds on success and what a great feeling that is!

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