I felt pretty much out of it all weekend. A weekend that I couldn't wait to get there. I think a good part of it was the disappointment I felt when I didn't get some things done that I thought about doing.
There were distractions and a good bit of laziness. I just wasn't on my game. It was almost like I didn't have a plan although I did vision getting things done around the house that had been neglected since we returned from vacation. When I get in one of those moods I seem to be paralyzed not knowing when to zig or zag, so I do nothing.
I feel like a failure in everything. I need to remember that life is made up of many plans you have for yourself and some of them overlap. I was successful in staying on the plan that would make the scales clunk tonight. So, that's a good thing. But this feeling of worthlessness can be dangerous. Why? Because I'm not happy. I need to find joy in anything and everything. Joy keeps your moving. Joy keeps you positive. Gary says I over-analyze and maybe I do. Nothing had to be done this weekend. Okay, maybe some laundry and I did do that but what is this guilt feeling that's gnawing away at me that I didn't get the house in order and wade through all the paperwork I wanted to. It can wait. It'll still be there tomorrow or the next day and no adverse result is going to come from not doing anything until then. It's the all or nothing in me and that's something I need to get a handle on.
All weekend, I kept thinking nothing is getting done. I'd do a load of laundry and an hour later think nothing is getting done. I'd go through some bills and pay them and an hour later think nothing is getting done. I went to a very enlightening meeting with a speaker that kindled the fire in me and a concert where I relaxed and enjoyed the music and think the weekend was a total waste. There is something definitely wrong with this picture.
As I ramble on, I finally see the problem. It's letting go. Moving on. Forgive and forget. Much like a bad day of eating. It's over, done, finished. Nothing you can do about the past except learn from it. Make wiser decisions in the future. Be ready for the distractions and not let them stop you in your tracks. Make a better plan, set a timetable, if needed. Relish the accomplishments.
Okay, I'm "Over It". It's going to be a great day and a great weigh-in tonight!