Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Alone and Ashamed

Well, we're back home in Indiana after a great trip east. We took a side trip/detour home and got in after dinner last night. When I woke up yesterday my mood was still on the down side. I really tried to do things to cheer myself up. I prayed, I counted my blessings, as we drove I looked at the beautiful things God had created. It just wasn't working. I had done okay at breakfast. The hotel had a great spread but I made sure I wasn't over five points as I didn't know what the rest of the day held. I can't even remember as I write this what we did for lunch. Let me think a minute . . . I was thinking I wanted Subway ... oh, that's right, Gary suggested Wendy's and I knew by past experience their dollar menu Chicken Sandwich and a baked potato had been in my plan for past lunches. Although, Gary was sitting there reading the nutritional information on the back of the placemat and found that the hamburger off the dollar menu and a small chili would have less calories. So, next time I'm going with that.

Anyway ... onto the topic of the post. When I got home, I got on the computer and logged into blogger. I really didn't expect to see any comments and that's okay because before I got back to blogging a couple of weeks ago, I know I was gone for a long time and of those 28 followers many have given up blogging but then for some reason I decided to look at my stats. I thought I looked at it right ... but what I saw was that there were NO page views yesterday. I really felt alone. This staying focused and disciplined and accountable is tough. Yesterday I just felt I couldn't do it alone. I expressed my frustration and weakness on yesterday's blog and it didn't matter because no one was reading to care anyway. I really know better ... my family cares, my TOPS family cares and maybe those couple of people that stop by my blog occasionally and read it, maybe they care too. But, it shouldn't matter. I should be my own cheerleader. I'm the one that's putting the work into it. I'm making the decisions ... both good ones and some not so good.

And up until yesterday, it didn't matter. I didn't need anyone. I was doing well and I was confident that I could do it on my own without any outside assistance. I even felt that I could be the one helping others with their shortcomings and confidence boosting. What a difference a day makes, huh?

The Ashamed part came right before I posted this entry. I logged into Blogger to post and saw that I had a comment from Tess (thanks, Tess). A comment that was dated yesterday. I decided to look at the stats from yesterday again and saw that I had 14 views. Not a paparazzi following but ....

Anyway, maybe it was all in the mood I was in ... which by the way has lifted today. I'm back at home, out of the car, into the routine and ready to get back on track.


I'm My Favorite said...

I read every post you write and I did read your post yesterday. I subscribe to your blog through my RSS feeder so I'm not sure if that shows up on your stats.

I'm behind on my blog reading, writing and commenting - I'm still digging out from being out all last week and I was in meetings for four hours today.

Keep writing. It's good for you and your readers!

mensa said...

Thanks, Stephanie. I know that you and Kim keep up on things. Today was a better day and I DO need to continue to blog.

Tessa said...

Even though I am not on everyday always remember that I do care. I've had a rough go the past couple of weeks as we lost one of our TOPS chapter members to cancer. She was always so positive and helpful it kinda threw me for a loop. I know how you feel though when you write a post and think no one is reading it because they didn't leave a comment. I just have to remember that I started the blog for me and even if no one posts it's still for me. Glad you are having a better day today. Sending you a big TOPS hug!!!