Sabotage

Rainy days and Mondays is the title of a song back in my era. It was by the Carpenters. I didn't even know the lyrics until I looked up the date the song was a hit, but it fits.


Talkin' to myself and feelin' old
Sometimes I'd like to quit
Nothing ever seems to fit
Hangin' around
Nothing to do but frown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down

Well it's not raining but it is Monday and I feel pretty lousy. I need to re-read Stephanie blog post on Confidence because I feel that I have none today. The first thing I pretty much did this morning after showering and getting dressed was get on the scales. I just knew that the scale would get all the kinks worked out and it would show an obvious loss but no, it didn't look like it.

Then one little stumbling block after another seemed to happen and before I knew it I was questioning every move I made. Was I doing it right, did I make a mistake ... I even questioned myself about our upcoming vacation, the timing ... not being able to watch Jacob and Gracie on Saturday.

I kept telling myself that everything that had happened pretty much worked itself out without any negative result and that I was blowing things out of proportion. But that seems to be me ... all or nothing thinking. If it's not perfect then it's wrong. I usually don't mind making mistakes but it really gets to me when it seems to be one right after another.

I found out Saturday that there's something to be said about taking a class rather than doing it on your own. I bought a Latin Dance exercise tape thinking that it'd be pretty close to doing Zumba and I set out to do it after I got up on Saturday. I only got through about 15 minutes and was tired and got distracted on laundry, dishes and things to do downstairs, so I turned it off.

I thought I had a good week, choosing what I ate wisely and that's why I'm pretty sure I didn't gain but not losing is a bummer because I did more exercise than I have in months with Zumba and walking and wonder what would have happen if I wasn't movin' it. Maybe it's just a cycle but I really needed a loss before we leave on Friday to help keep me accountable and remind me of what the result of hard work is.

Again, it's all emotional it's nothing set in stone ... it's only a feeling not reality. It will pass and I'll get the results I want if I keep working. I can't get discouraged. I can't live in fear of the next step I make being wrong. That's called sabotage. Tomorrow is a brand new day and hopefully the OFFICIAL scales will have a change of heart tonight.