PERFECT ALIGNMENT

Last week after my weigh-in, I was gun-ho.  I was definitely striving to make it a good week and have a loss last night.  I took my lunch instead of eating out and when I did eat out, I made good choices.  But "life happens".  I had a horrible day on Thursday.  I had forgotten to make an airline reservation for my boss, although I swore I did.  But when I went to check on it online there was nothing there and there was no evidence in my files that it was done.  I held my breath as I checked about availability ... you guessed it, it was sold out.  This was just a back-up reservation and I was pretty certain, it wouldn't be used but that didn't matter ... I screwed up ... AGAIN.  What if it was needed?  I couldn't concentrate the rest of the day and I was torn whether to get him involved and ask him if he was going or just wait it out because I would know the answer by the next day.  What did I want to do.  I wanted to bury myself in comforting food, sugary, carbo-laden, cheesy, gooey ... forget everything food.  I thought alot about addition that day.  I have other things in my life that could be addictive but I didn't think twice about running to a casino, bar, or the mall to buy shoes ... what is it with food?  When I got home, Gary was in bed sick.  I needed to talk but I knew he felt bad and didn't want to dump on him.  I guess he knew something was up and I told him of my discovery.  Like a good husband, he tried to comfort me by telling me no one is perfect.  We ordered a pizza for dinner and I proceed to eat WAY more than I should.  It reminded me of my pizza debacle while watching the grandkids.  When I got up on Friday, still obsessing over circumstances that might happen, I tried to remind myself to just face the music and move on, even though thoughts of early retirement and resignation ran across my mind.  Well, things worked out, I found out early on that my boss had no intention of traveling and I was off the hook.  If things were resolved, why did I still feel like I had just been given horrible news.  How do I stop all this woulda coulda shoulda dialogue and just learn from my shortcomings.  I was really whacked up over the weekend.  Every time I turned around I was screwing up from putting to much salt in the mac n cheese that I fixed for lunch on Saturday which made it inedible to clogging up the disposal when I put it down the drain to every other miniscule thing I tried to do perfectly and ended up falling on my face.  It was dreary outside, I'm really despising winter and I'm stuck in ... or at least felt I was because Gary had the flu.  I kept pretty busy on Friday night and some of Saturday but just couldn't shake the blue blahs.  I spent a lot of time sleeping using it as an excuse of wellness when I knew deep inside I was using it as an escape and my back ached from spending too much time in bed.

When I got up yesterday things seem to be more positive.  I knew I was going to have a loss at TOPS which helped and I was ready to delve into some work and get some things done just for the feeling of accomplishment.  The stars started to align when I got word that my daughter had passed a grueling exam to get her CAE certification.  It's amazing what great news and a feeling of so much pride in her made me feel so much better.  Things are looking up.

I guess having a couple of great days, even mixed in with an awful day, while the other days are spot on can show success.  I lost 2 3/4# last night, reaching my 20# mark from when I started getting serious last August.  This morning I kicked up my heels wearing those black shoes for the first time that I bought last month that was going to be the reward for reaching the 20# milestone.  I'm moving on ...

DRESS FOR SUCCESS

Yesterday I got up and decided I would wear a pair of grey slacks that I had in my closet.  It had been years since I wore them and I vaguely remember trying them on some time back and there was no way they fit. I had noticed them in my closet lately and for some reason I just knew that they'd fit yesterday and didn't even think of an alternative to wear.  Well, I WAS able to get them up over my hips and double buttoned but were they comfortable?  Not in the least and I shouldn't have worn them because I was conscious of them all day long.  Did they look okay?  I guess they did with the sweater I wore over them but I didn't feel good in the outfit.  I felt FAT and blah.  It's great to see that you can wear something you haven't worn in ages but maybe it should just be a "try on" session.  I remember writing in my blog early on about being able to fit into another pair of slacks that were unwearable but I can't for the life of me remember which ones they were now.  Maybe they fit more comfortably.

NOT FUNCTIONING WELL

We are deep in winter ....although I do remember years ago it being colder.  I think we've just got fooled the last couple of years with mild winters.  No matter, I'm not dealing well with it.  I'm very lethargic just wanting to climb under the covers.  I have no energy.  Maybe it has to do with the season.  I'm not depressed just blah.  All of that usually goes hand in hand with overeating trying to make yourself feel better with empty calories that contains sugar and carbs.  I'm fighting that.  I guess I've been at it long enough to have the knowledge and a little bit of will power to hang in there.  Nothing going on just need to address the emotions today.  

YOU JUST NEVER KNOW

When we got back from Maryland last week I purposely stayed off the scales because I didn't want it to ruin my weekend away when we met some friends at a B&B.  I don't know what kind of thinking that was but at the time, it was a decision I made.  I knew I had one bad day, i.e., the pizza monster escapade and several others on the cusp and probably thought I was going to see a gain and maybe that would bring on that thinking of I already blew it ... might as well keep blowing.

Looking back over the weekend, as I mentioned yesterday I certainly wasn't up for any dieter of the year awards but I watched my portions but also enjoyed my weekend.  When I got on the scale yesterday morning it wasn't up in the next decade of numbers which was really my concern but I couldn't really remember what it has said two weeks before but I thought it was probably a gain and gave myself a pep talk of going forward.  I made it a point to write down the scale's account on the pad on my refrigerator so I would be better informed next week.

When I got to my TOPS meeting and weighed in, I was blessed with the scales being indifferent.  I had remained at the same weight, I was still in the game.  We have a contest going to see who can go the longest without a gain and I really thought I blew that opportunity to shine and remain motivated.  Like I said yesterday, I was ready to kick it up into high gear and even more so now, knowing that I don't have to play catchup with some pounds I already had kicked to the curb.  In quoting the saying ... ready, willing and able .... no denying the able part but hoping that all three will go hand in hand.

BACK AT IT AGAIN

I've really never stopped but maybe just a little more umph this time knowing that for the next three weeks I can make some real progress before we're on the road again.  We had a Bed and Breakfast weekend and had a great time meeting up with some friends we hadn't seen for quite a while.  I watched my portions on Friday and refrained from the bread at an Italian restaurant and Saturday we went to an early movie, meaning we had a late lunch for which I just made it my main meal and wasn't hungry when Gary made a fast food restaurant run at 8:00 p.m. However the scales were up this morning, so something went awry during the past couple of week since I weighed in on January 7th.  I will not let that hold me down.  It is onward and knocking ounces off day by day.  The plan is even getting back to the gym.  It was 22 degrees this morning and snowing so outdoor activity will be at a minimum but why not walk a couple of blocks to the mall and walk around there.  If it doesn't kill ya, it makes you stronger, right?

MOVING ALONG

I really feel that I am back in the groove and I AM watching my calorie intake and with the choices I have not taking the high road or low road or whatever is the road you shouldn't be taking but ... and I know my problem is eating out too much ... but again BUT, that is my lifestyle and I guess I'm not willing to change that now by sitting watching other people eat or ordering something I'm not going to eat.  It's just hard for me to believe that a couple items on a plate can add up to 1200 calories.  Things like salads and ONE sandwich.  I believe in calories in and calories out and burning calories, so I'm not trying to fool myself.  I guess I'll just have to try harder.

WHERE AM I?

We're back home after an enjoyable trip to see Erick and Kim and to watch the kids while Erick ran the Goofy at Disney World.  I just don't know what day of the week it is.  I'm back at work and am really glad to be there.  It seems kind of weird to come in for just a day but my boss is leaving for a week and I know there are things that need to be done before he leaves tomorrow.

Looking back on the past week, I don't think I did horribly, even though I had a post about disaster.  It could always be worse and even though I overate at times, I did make restraints.  I'm back at it today with total commitment and hopefully I can pull off a small loss at my next weigh-in on Monday.

DISASTER IN THE MAKING

I really don't know what happened yesterday.  I even woke up with good intentions.  I checked the package of muffins and saw that it was doable, even though the quantity was lacking in the package (four muffins about the size of my thumb) and maybe even the quality too.

We had promised to take Katherine to Cici's for lunch after we picked her up from school and earlier I thought I wouldn't even eat ... then the thoughts of just a salad, but then when we got there, my thoughts immediately went to ...  if I was paying full price, I might as well take advantage.  My thought process was truly off trying to convince myself that the slices were so small, surely they didn't have that many calories to I can't just sit here while everyone else is eating to I've eaten this much, might as well have some of the dessert pizza.  Bad move all the way around.

Gary fixed spaghetti and meatballs for dinner in a rush because the boys were being picked up at 5:45.  Rushing around wondering if they were going to be able to eat in time got to me.  I was trying to stay to the schedule and my own pressure I think I can deal with but when it affects others, not so much.  So, I overate at dinner too, an extra meatball and bread.

But as the song goes "but that was yesterday, and yesterday's gone".  I've been given another day.  I'm pretty sure I can do better than yesterday.

LAZY SUNDAY

Not much happened yesterday.  I guess that's why the late post.  I think I was the last one up again ... can't remember.  Guess the kids realize I need my beauty sleep.

We had lunch in ... hot dogs.  I probably should have just had one and skipped the buns but didn't.  I did skip the mac n cheese so that was something.  The kids wanted a snack later in the day and I found oreos on the table.  What do they say about ... I bet you can't eat just one.  Well, I had two out of the package as I was putting them away but Katherine said ... Grammie, can I have an oreo so of course I ended up with just one.  Looking back I should have given them both to her.  I hadn't had an oreo in ages and forgot how addictive they can be.  I kept wanting to pull them out of the cabinet the rest of the afternoon and I didn't forget where they were in the evening either ... but I refrained.

We went to Ruby Tuesday's for dinner where I saw a lot of things I'd like to have on the menu but here in Maryland the calorie count is also on the menu, so I ended up with a BBQ chicken breast and salad bar.  I didn't have that many calories left anyway after my high calorie lunch ... so, in retrospect, I think I did okay.

THE WINNER

We had a challenge going yesterday and I won.  I was the last one up.  My grandson, Evan, said he was going to give me a run for my money but ended up third.  The girls rule ... yeah!   It's a fun time with the grandkids. 

Yesterday was more on target.  In fact, it was under target.  We went to Jersey Mike's for lunch which is a sub place that in my opinion is better than Subway.  Subway was getting to the point where the bread was like carboard with very little meat.  The place was packed but a table opened up just as we got in the door and the kids camped out there while we stood in line.  I had written their orders down and the kid behind the counter was a good jokester.  Brandon wanted a chicken caesar wrap and when I made that order, the clerk asks what name ... I guess I was spacey because I thought he was wanting me to give the wrap a name.  Like cluck, cluck or Chicken Little maybe ... oh, you mean the name on the order to bring it out to the table. HAAAAA HAAAA.

We decided to stay in for dinner and grandpa went to the store with a list.  I thought he was going to fix dinner, like at home ... but I ended up in the kitchen which felt great.  I enjoy cooking for more than two people and cooking for your grandkids is the best.  We had soft tacos which the kids liked, but I'm not a fan, so that kept me in check.

While I'm not getting any formal exercise, going up and down three flights of stairs is doing it for me.  Hope Sunday today goes as well.

WRITE, WRITE, WRITE

Erick and Kim had an early flight to Orlando yesterday and they were gone before we were up.  We got the kids up and off to school with no problem.  I know that I'm not going to be perfect away from home, but as long as I write ... it helps me keep that carrot in front of my face and know what I'm chasing,  I continue to try, even though I strumble.

I did well eating Kashi cereal for breakfast.  It reminded me of something but I couldn't put my finger on it.  Maybe Sugar Crisp without the sugar.  Not something I'd buy but it was worth trying.  We went to Chick Fillet after picking Katherine up from pre-school and I got what I have gotten when I'm working and go to the mall.  So, check, check.  We didn't want to go out for dinner, so we ordered a pizza .... STUMBLE, STUMBLE, STUMBLE.  I don't even remember how many pieces I had which ain't good but the pizza wasn't loaded with toppings so ... maybe looking for the silver lining there.  Because I knew I had too much of a good thing, I didn't log dinner into My Fitness Pal which there will be no more of that kind of behavior. 

Here's some notes that I took from the book I'm reading that I want to keep fresh in my mind.

"People are more likely to make progress on goals that are broken into concrete measurable actions, with some kind of structured accountability and positive reinforecement".  I'm getting that by blogging and MFP.

"Outter order brings inner peace".  I know when I was at home and working with a to do list and seeing things get done, I felt calmer and a little more confident.

"When the student is ready .. the teacher appears".  I have found a good teacher on MFP, but I still feel like the class clown sometimes.  Can I be both a good student and a cut-up?

LIVE AND LEARN

Sleeping in a strange bed the first night makes for unsettling sleep and it doesn't help when you husband doesn't sleep well either.  In the book I'm reading .... "The Happiness Project",  one of January's goals is getting enough sleep ... which in turn gives you more energy.  A high level of energy would help keep your other resolution easier.  A fitfull night's sleep ... is that why I had 1200 calories for lunch?  I'm still working on where I need to be ... some days I've got it, some days I don't, but it doesn't mean I'm not getting there.

We checked out of the hotel around 9:00 and stopped at a McDonald's drive-thru.  I kinda gave up on my fruit parfait ... I don't know why because it's good and filling but over the holidays I got settled in some bad habits and I'm still putting off the time to turn things around ... and then lunch was "find something now" we can't eat too much later because dinner will probably be early.  I let Gary make the choice from the interstate markers, which was a bad choice, but the worse thing was I didn't check the calories until AFTER I ate.   Long John Silver's ... fried, fried, fried. 

I discovered something the other night when I was working on my class blog.  Blogger had changed their format and it was giving me fits trying to add pictures and getting the format where all my entries were on one page.  I finally had it and gave in to what was there, was what was going to be seen.  What I discovered is that I don't like change because it slows me down.  I had put something off long enough ... I hadn't updated our class blog for months and now that I finally decided to do it, they changed things on me.  I just wanted to get it done but with the changes it was going to take me longer than I had planned and I had all these other things to do.  Something wasn't going to happen the way that I had envisioned it ... and it frustrated me and I just finally gave in to mediocrity.  I need to change my holiday ways.   Change, I need to approach it differently.

WELL ... DARN!

I didn't post yesterday.  Not my plan, but things happen.  Yesterday wasn't a good day from the beginning.  I felt rushed and the mood must have been set from the time my feet hit the floor and I couldn't shake it.  I had planned on working yesterday and then we were going to leave for Maryland when I got off work.  Then, it was that I was going to work until noon, Gary would pick me up and then we'd head to ... to, I took any extra day of vacation and we could leave whenever we got ready.  Well Gary had another night where he didn't sleep well and was up early which meant he was ready to go before I even got up.  I can't do things well when I'm rushed. 

I had worked on my class blog Tuesday night trying to get it updated before we left which meant no packing got done until yesterday morning.  I'm glad that my goal of getting organized this year paid off that clothes were washed and ironed and hanging in the closet just waiting to be thrown into a suitcase.  I did well with my meals on Tuesday ... only having soup and salad for dinner when I was eyeing Gary's choice of Country Fried Steak on the menu but went with my first choice.  Yesterday, how'd I do ... not so well with eating on the road and my mood being ... well, moody.  Without a computer, I also didn't getting anything logged in because of lack of effort or a difficult factor in maniputing data in my new phone.  Whatever the excuse, things didn't happen according to plan.

We're now here and I'm hoping I can turn things around and act like it's just any other day.

*POOF*

Got up yesterday not ready to start off a new work week after having four days at home ... and what seemed to be four productive days. But to do the things we want to do, a paycheck helps. The two people that I support are both gone this week, so that makes it even tougher but it'll be a short week for me ... so deal with it ... Sheilah. 

I've been on a somewhat high because of getting organized and just the ability to have a "do over" in the new year and being able to get back on track. The mood started to falter after finding out that an airline reservation for my boss was booked on the wrong day. I don't know if it was my mistake, the travel agency's mistake or my boss gave me the wrong date ... but it was a screw up at anyone's hands and my emotions took the responsibility. Sometimes things can be rectified but the bad thing here was that on the day he needed to travel, there weren't any seats available in the class he wanted to be in. When I informed him, he was upset but a lot less than I thought and he didn't put blame on anyone, he just wanted to get it fixed. I stewed about it most of the day. When talking to Gary, he said don't sweat the small things ... but it seems like nothing is small to me, especially if it affects someone else. 

BUT ... good news, I weighed in last night with a two pound loss. That did increase my spirits while still wondering how I pulled that off. I was so out of it over the holidays. Not to the point of giving up but I did lose focus and didn't blog like I intended and was pretty frazzled and in a weaken state when tempted. But, no need to look back ... I lost and it's time to move forward.

GOING WELL

I stepped on the scales when I finally got up and going yesterday and liked what I saw.  I don't know if I'll have a loss tonight at TOPS tonight because our last weigh-in was 12/17 and I have no idea what I weighed then but I was down from what I weighed January 1st at home, so that shows progress.  But, it doesn't matter because tonight is a brand new start.

Yesterday was kind of a lazy day ... nothing specific on the calendar.  I knew we'd settle in to watch the COLTS game but that was about it.  Writing down items on my "to do" list, however, proved to be helpful and I did get some things done so I felt a sense of accomplishment.  I am calmer, a little less frazzeled, and happier. In the past there would be fleeting thoughts about doing this or that but when it's there in black and white, it's getting done instead of putting it off.

Gary wasn't feeling well, so I fixed lunch and picked up dinner after going to 6:00 p.m. mass.  Since I was in charge, I fixed and picked things that I knew would fit into my plan.

TOO BUSY?

I knew I was going to be busy yesterday.  I wanted to keep it that way not to be bored.  Gary had a knot meeting at the house and I do not have the same fascination with his hobby as he does, so I had planned to stay busy with running errands, shopping and checking things off my "to do" list.  I should have put update my blog on the list.

I was able to knock several things off the list that took some time and actually did forget about this blog, although I spent a couple of hours on our class blog since I hadn't updated it since a month after our class reunion last June.  I guess I was setting priorities.

I have leaned to a favorite place for lunch when eating out because of a certain salad they have but I was no where close to this restaurant when out doing my errands yesterday so I opted for McAllister's where I got their "pick two" of a bowl of tortilla soup and a 1/2 cheese and bacon baked pototato.  It's on my plan and worked with the bowl of chili and sandwich I had from Gary's lunch leftovers which I had for dinner.

I'm still having a little trouble with the tools I know that will help me on MFP.  I can't seem to get my food logged in on the same day I eat it and now I'm off a day with my blog but I DO feel like I in a better place than I was last month.  The best thing is that I will have my first weigh in of the year at TOPS tomorrow which will really be a starting point.

MUDDLING ALONG

Yesterday wasn't any big whoop ... or ooops, either.  I guess that makes it a good day.  I did opt to go out to lunch due to having to make a bank run.  Paradise Cafe is right across the street so I had my half of a turkey cranberry sandwich and onion soup.  The soup sure tasted good with it so cold outside.  I had to walk a several blocks both ways, so maybe I burned off some extra calories shivering.  This is the place that always gives a free cookie with your meal.  It remained on my tray as I left.

I'm leaving things unchecked on my "to do" list which isn't exactly what I envisioned in this getting organized plan, but I do check off at least one or two a day and sometimes things from the day before ... so things are getting done.  Like I said yesterday, it just going to take time in getting into the groove.

Small Steps

It was hard going back to work yesterday after being off for four days.  Those four days consisted of staying at home with no travel involved which was a nice change.  It's strange that my retirement goal is to do lots of traveling and I do like to stay on the go ... but I guess you CAN get too much of a good thing.  I was able to get some things accomplished and realized there is always something to be done in the house.

As I mentioned it's my goal in 2013 to get a little more organized, so that I won't feel so overwhelmed and feel like I'm spinning my wheels or going in circles and end up stopping like I'm in a rut.  I wanted to start using a "to do" list, so that I can not only see that things are being accomplished but to know the things that need action and not forget about them until I'm in a crunch.  I did well on New Year's day accomplishing three tasks that I set for myself.  Yesterday didn't go that well but still there was still some success.  I now find I can't just keep them in my head, I have to actually write them down to check them off.  I got a cute little notebook from my Secret Santa at work that I can use. 

I stuck to planned meals yesterday so no mindless snacking.  I was tempted to ditch the frozen dinner I brought for lunch and go out and get something, but knew how important it was to stick to the original plan, just to get in the groove.  So all in all, I'm moving along in the right direction.

MINIMAL DAMAGE

The New Year is here and I'm setting out to work a plan that will help me find success.  Yesterday was a good day.  I believe I ate well, even though my calorie intake was a little over my goal ... but things happen.  I still feel more in control that I have been in weeks and that's a good thing.  I passed up breadsticks when we went to lunch.  Something my willpower has been lacking lately and I also walked passed our new candy dispenser with M&M's yesterday without much trouble ... although one time, I did get a little too close but backed off immediately.

My goal, which is not necessarily a resolution, is to get a little more organized in 2013.  Most of the time I feel my life is going way too fast and is pretty chaotic.  I need more balance and serenity.  I also want to be a happy person and stress and hurriedness (I guess that's not a word, I got squiggly marks under it)  can take away from that.  I'm starting to reread the Happiness Project and see if that helps.

Onward to success.