I'm Exhausted

We've spent the last few days watching two of our grandkids and making sure they had as much fun as their mom and dad were having in Florida. Jacob and Gracie were on Fall Break Thursday and Friday so he headed to Cincinnati. Our first day we hit the Aquarium which is actually across the Ohio River in Kentucky. It was a fun time and they had many individual exhibits. Here I'm looking at a giant octopus.

We stopped for lunch before we got to the Aquarium, so I had no problem with my choice, although I was tempted while others had frostys. No, actually I wasn't ... sweets don't seem to bother me.

After the aquarium we went back to the hotel and had fun in the pool. In the past, I wouldn't have even put on a swimsuit but it was different this time. It did help that we had the pool to ourselves. I actually did a few laps in the pool.

Friday the Children's Museum was on our schedule. The hotel offered breakfast but the choices for me were slim to none. I ended up with a banana. Here I'm sitting in "The Woods" while the kids played.

We had a fun time and I tried to choose wisely, we'll see what happens tonight.

What I Learned

Wow was yesterday ever busy. That's my kind of day. I can stay out of trouble on busy days. My emotions don't have time to creep in and make me question ... well, anything.

I missed lunch yesterday but I didn't have hunger pangs or think it was time to eat because of the clock. My boss said he was leaving at 1:30 and needed something completed for his signature before he left. I was happy to adhere my schedule to get this done especially when I knew I would be out the rest of the week. It was 2:00 when I would have been able to go out and get a quick bite as I forgot to bring anything to eat at my desk from home. I knew we would be eating an early dinner so since I wasn't really hungry thought I just grab some pnut butter crackers from the vending machine to tide me over. I couldn't believe that the package of crackers had more points than what I would have eaten if I had brought my "Smart Ones" from home. I learned vending machines don't contain good lunch options.

I also learned that I treated eating the crackers as a snack as not a meal. Meaning that I continued to work at my desk and didn't pay that much attention to what I was eating. One minute there was a full package and the next, there was only one cracker left and I didn't remember those inbetween. I learned that when I eat a meal I am more conscious of what I'm eating. I can also say I am more satisfied and think I enjoy what I had just consumed more. How many times do you eat something and not even remember how it tasted?

Nothing much happened yesterday but even at that ... there are still things we can learn every day.

No Movement

Yesterday, I carried on like any normal day. The exception is on Monday I always get on the scales when I first get up to see where I am to prepare me for my Monday evening weigh-ins. I have eliminated the every day scale hopping. It was pretty weird when I got on, I immediately saw the number from the week previously but in the blink of an eye, it went up two pounds. What do you do then? You get off and get back on ... right? Well I did that (a couple of times) and the number remained at the higher weight. The most defeating picture that kept replaying in my mind was that I was no longer in the '70's decade. That was the crushing thing ... but like I started this entry, I went along with normalcy. I was going to have acceptance for whatever happened on the scales at my meeting. This time, I chose to look at the big picture. The total pounds that I had taken off ... not just one weeks worth. It's important to make that purse out of a sow's ear, to see the rainbow, and whatever other positive thing that comes to mind. I had already said I wasn't giving up and I meant it. I wasn't going to go out at lunch and eat what I wanted just because I knew I had a gain. I let that mentality go a long time away.

I reread my posts from last week and it was full of struggle and doubt. I tried to stay positive but it was hard. I stumbled too many times but while I was slow getting up, I did get up. I have no idea as to what is going on ... but I know I have to get past it. I do too much comparing myself to others. It's easy when you are reading other blogs to wish you had their confidence, their results, their support, their dedication, etc., but it is not about them, it's about me and I need to take the inspiration in and leave the comparison behind. We are all different, we have different body chemistry, we have different body shapes, we have different family genes. Everyone says to be honest in your blogs. It's hard when you see defects or shortcomings in yourself but maybe it is something you should admit so you can face it and move on or do something to change things. I'll admit jealousy is rearing its ugly head. I'm embarrassed about it and it's hard to acknowledge that I'm that vain. I really don't think of myself as that type of person but why does it bother me that I want to be a couple of sizes smaller just because someone else my same weight is, but here I am wearing the same size that I wore when I started. I just need to realize that perhaps that person carries their weight differently ... I want to get the compliments others are getting, and actually to be truthful, I am, but maybe just not by the group of people I want to hear them from. I want loads and loads of support and again what's wrong with the support I'm getting, my support seem to be on a more personal level and I've made some friends with those I have supporting me. I may also need to ask myself an important question .. am I giving it back? It's so true ... it helps to write it out. Don't abandon your blogs, especially if you are struggling. Write a little something every day even if it's only a sentence or two long, especially about what you're feeling. It may bring to light something you need to realize or something that you really need to work on.

I'm sorry but I cried wolf again and I see that it is a negative thing and I need to get away from the negatives, so I will no longer write about my feelings of anxiety of the scale for my Monday weigh-in. For the most part it proves that I am putting the cart in front of the horse and worrying unnecessarily. I will not make predictions. I will wait to have solid concrete evidence. Last night I didn't lose but I didn't gain and I'm still in the '70's, so I'll take what I learned from that and turn it into something positive.

That's All I've Got

If we could have do-over's, I'd certainly be changing some things from over the weekend. I know that I will pay for them as I look back. A loss isn't guaranteed by Zumba, a charity walk or hitting the gym doing the week. I'm thinking what goes in your mouth dominates.

It absolutely boggles my mind how I can turn away from things that always has been such a strong temptation in the past like hot rolls and butter and desserts but yet collapse over a tub of movie popcorn or because I wanted soup one night and didn't get it ... that I choose it the next two nights along with my meal.

I didn't think I was that far off plan, but like I said, going over things I can see why I will have no excuse for what I am facing. Since there are NO do-overs, all I can do is accept and continue. If I've learned anything ... it's that I've got a long ways to go.

Anything Is Worth A Try

A couple of years ago right after the decline in the economy, the company I work for was no different than any other company in that they were trimming their budget. They suggested a voluntary hour reduction among the staff to help save jobs. One of the positions that were up for elimination was the person I supervise, so I had a personal interest. I could only afford to reduce my pay by four hours a week and I thought once I went to the trouble of getting up, getting ready and making it to the office, I might as well stay there. In my opinion, only working a half day would be such a waste, but I decided to give it a go. So many times we think things won’t work or we won’t like something, so we don’t even try. I’m glad I tried. I love my Friday afternoons off. I can’t believe what I can accomplish in those four hours if I try and it ends up giving me a little more leisure time for the weekend if I need it. It took a little adjustment but it’s worth it. Just like this change in lifestyle I’m walking through now with my weight.

I did another walk-in class at Zumba yesterday. I’m still lost at some of the steps with the unfamiliar music selections but I’m still moving and still sweating so I know it’s beneficial. It was a bit different yesterday though. About half way through the class, I felt very light headed, and a little dizzy. I didn’t know what to do. My first thought was to quit and I turned around and walked away. Then something in me wouldn’t let me do that. I got a drink of water and went back. I don’t know if that was wise or not. I continued but at times had to stop and take a minute or two until the sensation passed. I was fine after class. I guess I need to ask my Zumba Officiato if I need to eat some protein or carbs or whatever … right before the class. I had a good lunch with protein and veggies but maybe I needed more or maybe I needed more water???

Last night we went to a high school football and since we went there immediately after my class we didn’t eat dinner until very late. Is that really a bad thing or is it an old wives tale. I tried to stay up for a little while before going to bed but all I did was sit in a chair until I made my way upstairs. I just wasn’t into doing jumping jacks or sit-ups at 10:00, but maybe I should have. A guy in the stands next to us had on an interesting T-Shirt. The message was something to think about.

I've Got A Couple of Questions

Earlier in the week when I had my meltdown, Stephanie got me thinking about a lot of things. Some were questions I had to answer to keep myself on this journey and others just bought to mind some things that have happened over the years.

She talked about when she went to TOPS with me when she was in 8th grade and how she wouldn't eat lunch on Mondays because that was weigh-in day. Where did she get that kind of thinking ... from me of course. That was my method and who did I learn that from ... would you believe, my mother, maybe? Right before I joined TOPS when I was first married, my mother was successful with her weight loss, so why not do what she did, huh? I remember with my mom, we would weigh in and since we had about 45 minutes before the meeting started, we would go to a cafeteria that was close-by for dinner, which on more occasions than none, including a piece of pie or some kind of dessert. That as Stephanie put it, seems so "ridiculous" now, but back then it was just the way it was and maybe it even worked. Guess I never really thought about ... if I just ate the same kind of meals and that plural meals on Monday that week after week the end result would be the same if I was consistent with the rest of the week, it really wouldn't have any bearing on the overall picture ... I would only be kidding myself if I fasted because I ate half a pizza the night before. That half a pizza is eventually going to show up. The same with gripping about my weigh-ins being on Monday. Does the day really make any difference? No matter where you start, it's always seven days apart. Yes, I normally eat more on the weekend because of group activities but because of what I choose to do earlier in the week with maybe more exercise on the weekend, it should balance out ... right? Guess I've learned over the years there might be a better way because I now have both breakfast and lunch on Monday. I still eat out after I weigh in at TOPS, but it's after the meeting with some other members and part of the reason is because I come straight from work and our meeting isn't over until 7:30 p.m. and I still have a 30-40 drive from there. I figure I still have to learn to eat in a social setting and I always eat the way I would if it were any other day of the week.

So ... I'm just wondering if anyone reading this gives themselves an "off" day ... perhaps the day after their weekly weigh-in. Be honest? If it works into your plan, it works into your plan. I'm also wondering if you have any consistency in meals during the week like Monday is meatloaf night, Tuesday is Tuna Casserole night, etc. I find myself now taking my lunch and it consisting of a "Smart Ones" frozen dinner. It's easy, convenient and I'm satisfied knowing I only have to wait a few hours until I'll have something delish for dinner. When I find myself wanting to wander out for lunch, though, I know it's time to switch to leftovers, or a sandwich. We always have to be in touch with ourselves, right?

Have a great weekend!

One of Those Days

Yesterday was a normal day and I think we all could use more of those. I got up at the same time and went through the same routine until I got to the office. Things continue to be slow at work which makes for a long day.

I didn't waver from my plans to have the lunch I intended. I did do something a little different after I ate though and that was to head to the mall and do a little walking. I would have taken my walk outdoors but it was a little nippy and I didn't wear a coat to work, thinking I wouldn't need one. The mall is only a block away and I thought I could walk that distance without much discomfort. I hate being cold.

On the drive home from work, I thought about going to the gym but got too comfortable in front of the TV once I got home. Gary had made chili and it smelled wonderful as I walked in the door but it was a little too early for dinner. I think it's good practice for me to not pounce on food just cause it's there. I felt I overindulged with two bowls since I have been keeping my portions to one but it still worked into my plan as I had a "Smart Ones" for lunch keeping the points down. I also had an ice cream bar after dinner. It wasn't my usual one point fudgie as Gary had grabbed the wrong package while he was at the grocery. I guess I felt two more points wasn't awful, so I ate it anyway. I found though after eating it, I really wanted another one. I refrained but did end up picking up three dark chocolate kisses as I passed the candy dish later.

I fell asleep while Survivor was on and woke up a couple of hours later. I really felt like I was drugged. Was is the lack of activity, the extra bowl of chili, the chocolate, just having a lazy evening? I don't know ... I'll just chalk it up one of those days when you win some and you lose some. It wasn't all that bad ... it could have been better and tomorrow is a brand new day.

Something that did put a smile on my face (and we need more of those) was something that a fellow blogger (and now friend) put on her blog. It's 45 lessons you can learn. Check it out at on Bernice's Final Destination Healthy site

Tomorow Can Always Be A Better Day

I can't thank all of you enough for your comments yesterday. It was exactly what I needed to re-evaluate and to ask myself questions that would move me forward. Sometimes you just feel stuck and having someone extend a hand and walk you out of that rut is a true blessing. Very few times in the past have I received that kind of help, mainly because I haven't asked for it. I have always tried to figure things out for myself. That's what makes blogging so beneficial.

I guess I was just a little weary and needed to be propped up. As you probably well know it's usually not one thing but a combination of things that get you off track. I had several disappointments last week with which I didn't deal well and again it all goes back to a frame of mind. Sometimes things turn out okay but just not the way you envisioned and it makes you wonder if you're doing it right ... whatever "right" is? Then, when I thought I could get away from it all and have fun I was constantly bugged that I still had to weigh in and I HAD to have that loss because it was awards night and I had to deserve any award that I might get. If I had done what my heart felt instead of my head, I would have skipped my meeting, not weighed in on the "official" scales just like being away on vacation. I put entirely too much pressure on myself and was acting out of obligation. Stephanie asked me a hard question ... do I benefit from going to TOPS (this is a group like WW that meets weekly. It's non-profit and they don't provide a diet, it's mainly a support group)? I took a hard long look at that and decided that it really hurt me Monday and if I didn't blog and tried to figure it out on my own in the frame of mind I was in, I may have just started a downward spiral. Thankfully, I have additional support someplace other than my TOPS chapter and today is a much better day. I do think I benefit from my weekly meetings but I need to continue to look at it to see if I really do or if I just enjoy the social part of it. I know many of you go to meetings and use that for your "moment of truth" but maybe it would be better to pick a day and time to step on the scale that is better suited for you.

I did well yesterday and did all that I had planned to do. I made the comment to Stephanie that I felt I was slipping, even though all things indicate I'm not, continuous losses, pretty much in control of my eating, exercising more. I'm still fighting the battle in my head and am afraid that I'm obsessing about it, especially after being so pre-occupied on Sunday and Monday. Sean Anderson said something about this subject and I guess I have a ways to go. He said "when someone is constantly consumed with vocalizing their changes and choices, it can be a sign of uncertainty within them---Don't be uncertain---Feel that confidence within you and realize, that this is the time---Different from all the others...This is the last time we lose this weight. Feels incredible doesn't it?"

Today I feel pretty incredible and I'm just living life.

Overwhelmed

Yesterday was very hard for me. Looking back, for the last couple of weeks my head and heart have not been aligned. In past attempts when I have been successful temporarily there was a point where I was in a groove and my momentum carried me on at an acceptable pace. Seven years ago, during my most successful dieting phase ... a point where I was less than ten pounds from goal, I remember saying it wasn't all that tough. In fact, the whole dieting scene was pretty simple if you just followed the plan and I couldn't understand why "anyone" couldn't lose weight. It was a "reformers" mentality. It certainly wasn't ... you can't understand anything until you go through it and each journey is personal.

Why am I at the point where I'm just so tired of it all? Even though I've seen pound by pound drop from my body pretty consistently, it seems like it's a constant battle and it has really worn me down. Yesterday I was totally preoccupied with what was going to happen at the scale. I can honestly say that it ruined not only my day but Gary's. Looking back, I certainly did not think it out when I chose to take Monday (my weigh-in day at TOPS) as a personal day. All I was thinking was that it would extend my weekend. I didn't even consider that something I did several hours before I weighed might have bearing if I lost or I didn't. Even to the point of drinking a diet coke that couldn't be eliminated before I stepped on the scale. I just had to think about too many restrictions and what the outcome would be, instead of enjoying myself. One of the things we had planned to do on our "fun" day was visit some wineries. But I had to be selective and even nix any visits after 2:00. I guess I didn't. I didn't HAVE to taste any wine but that's what we were doing. I couldn't eat the majority of my points at lunch even if I had them available for something special that I couldn't eat anywhere else for the fear the meal would weigh heavy a few hours later.

Did I consider not going to my meeting and weighing in? Couldn't ... last night was our monthly awards and I had a pretty good idea I was the best loser for September. So many times in the past I remember how I felt when I was given some honor and I had slipped between when the accomplishment was achieved and the honor bestowed. Yeah, I earned and deserved what I had done, but I also didn't feel all that deserving that night because I didn't continue what I had started and felt like I fell on my face.

The pressure has just become too much and I know I'm putting it all on myself ... I don't want to give up but it just seems to be getting to me. What am I doing wrong? Am I trying too hard? Is this normal? I did have a loss last night. I lost another pound and I was honored with being September's best loser. I couldn't even celebrate either of those and I don't know why.







Best Loser in August
with 7.5 #'s lost

Uncomfortable Feeling

I took today as another personal day. We left yesterday after church for Southern Indiana. I will be weighing tonight but I will be going in blind as I'll have no scales available to step on before my meeting.. I usually have an idea where I am and for weeks it seems like it has been too close to call but at least I had some idea and would hope for the best or gripe about the Joker. Why does tonight make any difference. Maybe it has something to do with preparing myself for somthing I don't want to see. Maybe it has to do with how much or how little effort I put forth to push through to see the scale read in my favor. I wasn't going to eat breakfast to help me from packing any extra ounces and what will I do about lunch? This is suppose to be a fun and relaxing day not a day of second guessing and stress. There is always tomorrow to start off and play catch up. I've done it before and was right back on course. Things come up and you still have to live your life and be happy. I'm still hoping to see anything but a gain tonight but for now it's time to enjoy and not make life more complicated.

Love the Weekends

I'm like so many others that I live for the weekend, but they always seem to be busy. But I do better when I have planned activities. This weekend is one of the active times. Yesterday morning we were off and running early straightening up the house and a run to the store getting things for a class gathering we had last night. Then early afternoon we were off to the zoo for their "Zoo-Boo" event. Here's a pic of me with Jacob and Gracie in their costumes. The zoo had cool things for the kids to do including pumpkin bowling and getting treats at various sections of the zoo.



On the way home from the zoo, we stopped at a great pizza place that has an awesome spinach salad for an early dinner. I hadn't planned on having any pizza but couldn't resist and cut one of the slices in half and was able to stopped at that. We only had about 90 minutes before our guests were to arrive when we got home and started last minute prep and changing clothles.

I'm very involved with my high school class and always trying to find opportunities of bringing our class together. We usually have a summer picnic but this year we opted just to have a gathering at our house. The turnout wasn't that great but it was a fun time anyway reminiscing about the "Good Ole' Days". I didn't go overboard with food like I normally do with loads of stuff left over that we end up eating. Some people brought dessert and I made sure that those slices of pumpkin pie and apple crisp went home with someone else. My only indulgence during the evening was 1/2 glass of wine and a handful of nuts. I considered myself successful in a party atmosphere.

I might note that I am wearing the brown slacks that I pulled out a few weeks ago and were able to get over my thighs and hips but weren't quite there buttoning. Last night, they were tight around the waist but comfortable enough to wear all evening and the button didn't pop.

Movin' On

Things are better. Got my act together and my head back in the game. Because of it being the weekend, and I'm taking Monday off and we have made some plans, helps too. Thinking back about my wandering off the path with my high calorie lunch on Thursday, I should admit that I had been thinking for a couple of weeks about visiting that particular place. I should have planned for it, gotten it out of the way ... over and done with and I may not have been so frustrated and started the litany of questions and the seed of fear. But it's now history and maybe it was a blessing in disguise. I worked out more this week than I have since I started blogging. The scale this morning? Nope, it didn't move ... so since it never moved up, I'm happy.

Looks like Zumba is back on again at work ... but I'm taking a pass. It may cost an additional five bucks for the session because of the low turnout and the new instructor they found is a guy. Neither of those is a reason I'm not participating. I took a class at our community center last night and will continue to do that. I actually liked it better. I don't know why. Maybe because the class was bigger. Maybe there was more and faster footwork. Maybe because I was drenched with sweat at the end. I was really surrpised that absolutely NONE of the music was familiar. My only mistake last night was that I didn't stand right behind the instructor to watch the moves. Lesson learned. The cost is also about half of the cost of what I was paying. There is only one more class in the session, so maybe I'll sign up for one class that always fills up and also drop into the Friday class that has less participation. I can do both for about the same cost I was paying for one class at work.

All's well in my world. I hope it is in yours too!

The Reins Are In My Hands

Back in July Gary and I vacationed in Door County, Wisconsin. One of the activities we participated in was horseback riding. I hadn't been on a horse in probably 30 years but I enjoyed it and I think it was good exercise. Goldilocks was my horse. She was an older sturdy horse and we had no problems together but a young girl behind me was on a horse that kept wanting to wander off the path and into the woods to graze on grass. There wasn't any on the path. The teenager was getting frustrated and yelled at the guide for help to get the horse back on the path.

I don't know what brought it on but my morning wasn't the best. I had the same kind of day last week. Just before I went to lunch, I even went to the blogs to see if the ones I followed had any updates to get me past "my mood". No updates since those that I read before I left for work this morning. I even went back and read mine. The sentence that said "I didn't cave". I read it over and over and over but still ended up at ... Stephanie can guess. A place where I consumed at least 22 points. Am I upset, you bet ... what can I do about it? I started by going to the gym and exercising off 400 calories. Gary was planning on fixing another great dinner but knew I wouldn't eat much of it, so after the gym he ordered a small pizza. I had the smallest piece and started writing. I'm not faced with the emotions of beating myself up or giving up or anything like that. I know what's done is done and it's always one step at a time but I'm bothered about this once a week test and why I didn't get a passing grade this time.

Back to the horse. The guide and even some of the other riders told the young girl to pull on the reins. they called out ... make the horse head back by tugging on the reins on the side closest to the path. The rider was getting scared because the horse wasn't cooperating but the guide just kept saying pull on the reins and talk to the horse with a stern voice and finally she got back on the trail. The guide never got off her horse to bring the teen and her horse back, she knew the rider could do it herself. She needed to do it herself. I don't think the young rider had as much fun as the rest of us and I sure hope it doesn't prevent her from riding again.

So, what's my point. I don't know. I know I just had to write something and I thought it would help expressing my frustration not with myself but the situation I put myself in ... or maybe that is the same thing as being frustrated with myself. A little confusion going on here. I'm very emotional and while listening to my IPOD while exercising "I am Woman" came on and hit me in the face, especially the lines ...

"You can bend but never break me
'cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul.

The body plateaus sometimes where it doesn't listen no matter what you do, does the brain do the same thing? A good night's sleep will help. Tomorrow being Friday will help.

Trying to Figure It Out

Yesterday went pretty well. I conveniently forgot to bring anything for lunch and I had already used my back-up plan earlier in the week and hadn't replaced it, so I headed to the mall and Subway for lunch. I thought that would be my best option. It seems like here lately that I have been eating lunch out on the average of once a week and still doing okay.

Gary tried a new recipe for dinner and it was really, really, REAlLY good. It was a salsbury steak, and the sauce was wonderful. He made it with lean ground beef. It could have fewer calories if made with ground turkey or ground sirloin. As always, I kept my portion small and ate off a salad plate to trick my brain because my plate looked pretty covered. I was fine with my portion and satisfied. HOWEVER, while watching TV, I kept thinking how good dinner was and my head was filled with thoughts of what else is there to eat. Could it be time for a snack? I wondered why? When you have something satisfying is there some brain mechanism or chemical that makes you want to continue to eat that is different when you eat something that's not all that great but filling? As time passed, the sensation wasn't as strong and I didn't cave.

My only disappointment yesterday wasn't that I didn't walk. I intended to when I got home but got distracted and before I knew it the window of opportunity was gone because it was getting dark. That's one downside of this beautiful autumn season. I'm having second thoughts about that goal ranging I wrote about. It's too easy to go for the low side. It's almost as bad as giving up when you don't reach the ultimate goal.

Until the next time, choose wisely and go for the gold.

Much Ado About Nothng

I got out of bed yesterday morning tired and noticed the sheets were pulled away from the mattress. I guess I had a fitful night of sleeping. No matter, it was going to be a good day because I said it was going to be. No outside factors rule ... I rule. Pulling out of the driveway on the way to work I recalled that my tank was empty and I needed to stop for gas. Gas seems to be all over the board as far as prices go and I choose to stop at the station closest to the house. As I got closer to downtown I found I made the right decision. Of course, I did ... it was going to be a good day.

I got to work and discovered an email from a friend that I hadn't seen in awhile. Usually I'm the one that initiates getting together but this time she suggested it. What a nice surprise. Of course! It was going to be a good day.

The next email I read was about our Zumba class, offered at work. I wrote last week that because of low turnout, they didn't start the next session last week and there was a chance it may be eliminated. But then on Friday, I was told we did have enough participants and we'd be having a class. I was ready. I needed it. It was going to be a good day right ... maybe, but Zumba was canceled. I believe the instructor has another gig. The company is not giving up, they're looking for another Zumba leader. I thought I'll just go to the gym when I get home from work and ride the bike and walk the treadmill. Maybe I'll even get on the elliptical after reading Stephanie's post. It's going to be a good day ... right?

Moving on. Yesterday we had a health fair at work. The company paid for flu shots that were being given as part of the event. There were also vendors from different agencies. One of the stations was a Wii Fit. They were doing the basic assessment, using the balance board showing your BMI, point of center, balance and Wii Fit Age. The gal in front of me is two months older than I and was determined to be 20 years younger, so I was excited to see MY final number. I knew that I was going to show overweight, so that didn't bother me. I was really surprised that my point of center (guess it's your posture and that you don't lean one way or the other) was almost right on. I was feeling pretty good. Of course, I was, it was a good day. Then I was suppose to stand on one leg to rate my balance and I guess I stepped off and the assessment was over and my WiiFit age was 74 ... SEVENTY FOUR. My birthday is next month and I'll be 61 and I have always felt I never looked or acted my age. SEVENTY FOUR ... is it still a good day???? As I was leaving, they had a station where you could spin the wheel for a prize if you did what it landed on. My challenge was to hula hoop for 30 seconds. Of course I could do that ... I'm just a youngin'

But, I was still reeling over the WII. I need to go out and buy one of those to show it a thing or two. Instead I went out and walked on my lunch hour. I think it helped. The day started to look a little brighter. Important things hadn't changed. I had my "Smart One" for lunch and I did end up at the gym. While there I found out that there is a Zumba class Friday afternoon I can get into. All's well in my world except for some number I don't care to discuss.

Lost Souls

I had some time to kill between the end of work and my TOPS meeting. I caught up on the blogs I read and then checked into some of the blogs those people follow. Some of these blogs hadn't been updated for weeks or even months. I wondered what happened to these people. Did they just give up? Did they not find the support they needed? Did someone say something to make them fade into the sunset? Did they ever reach their goal? Have you ever befriended a blogger and continued to check on them when they didn't post to see how they were doing? I think it's all so sad but it's a personal choice. I just know how important it is for me to be doing this now, but wonder when I do reach my goal if it will be as important a tool to continue during the maintenance period.

Well that ole Joker had the tables turned on him ... kinda. I did have a loss last night. I lost 1/2#. I'm happy with it. Looking back it wasn't the normal week. No Zumba on Tuesday, a crummy attitude on Wednesday (wonder if that was because of no Zumba on Tuesday) and not enough drinking ... of water that is. One half of a pound is good. I will never again say it should have been more, why wasn't it more, I wish it was more, because it WILL be more ... it'll just have to wait until my next weigh-in. That half pound was important. It put me in the next decade of numbers. A milestone? Sure, I take it as that. I am now in the decade of the 70's. The Seventies were the decade that I started a new life with many happy and joyous events. We were married in 1970. We had a son in 1971 and a daughter in 1975. We also bought our first home in the 70's. I'm looking forward to the weight decade of the 70's to be a beginning too but I just will have to see what it'll bring.

I said it was going to be a good week and it will be.

Happy Columbus Day

Good Monday morning. I hope you've started the week off well. Did you have a good breakfast? Did you have any kind of breakfast? Mine was on the light side this morning but I did eat something. I am usually not so chipper in the morning ... yet this being a MONDAY morning but they say attitude is everything, so I'm going to try it and see how it works. The "Joker" was still bouncing around this morning but I plan to quiet him down tonight. I've already started in on my water ritual to flush out some of his tricks.

Three things that I've already worked out this morning and they are 1) I forgot my lunch but I have a can of soup and some crackers that I have in the office as a backup 2) I thought today was our health fair at work and I was all ready to get my flu shot by wearing something with short sleeves but it'll be more comfortable to walk in at lunch and 3) we are celebrating another birthday in my department. That's the third in about 10 days. I think my co-workers know by now that I'm there to celebrate with everyone but it doesn't have to be with the dessert.

So, it's weigh in tonight and I'll take what I can get and use it to propel me to better places throughout the week. More ... tomorrow.

A Good Weekend Overall

I’ve been trying to catch up on the blogs I missed when I was away from the computer but it hasn’t been easy. The short posts I can get through pretty easy but the longer ones I’m just scanning to pick up a specific mention of weight-related items or tips here and there.

Yesterday I got on the scale and didn’t see what I was hoping for. I just for ONCE wish I would get on the scale earlier in the week, go down a couple of pounds and then just stay there. I’m giving that fluctuation part of the scale the name “The Joker”.

I knew that Friday I had salad at lunch and rice at dinner and both have the tendency to make me hold water so I thought this morning’s number on the scale was more accurate and one that I hope stays there for tomorrow’s weigh-in. It’s tough weighing on Monday because of the fluid retention that may be a factor. I really have to watch it over the weekend (which could be a good thing). I would love to have a salad with dinner if we would happen to go out on Sunday night, but I know I can’t chance it.

I was surprised how warm it was yesterday when I went out for my walk. I wore warm-ups and a long sleeve shirt and I was a little sweaty when I got home after an hour, so I felt I got a good work-out. I think I’ll wait until evening tonight to walk today as we’re suppose to set another high record in the high 80’s.

We were subs at some friend’s Euchre Club last night and I was concerned about how I would handle all the food I knew would be available. No problem … no one was pushing food, it was just there in the kitchen to help yourself and I managed to just enjoy playing cards and drinking my water, even though the cards in my hand were horrible. I thought for sure I’d have the low score but hubby beat me having 6 less points. Our hostess goes all out for the Halloween season, she and her husband were married on Halloween. Here’s how she greeted us. I used my phone camera and it didn’t turn out all that well, but you can still get the idea.

Home, home on the "Range"

Every week I can’t wait until the weekend arrives because I have a lot I want to accomplish with regard to household stuff. This weekend was no different. It’s now 4:30 and the only two things that are done are laundry and my walk. I don’t know where I get sidetracked. Maybe I would do better if I managed my time with a “to do” list. A “to do” list is kind of like goal setting but I feel I make that way too complicated, so I don’t know if that would be helpful or not.

I mentioned last week about Walktober. In this program you set a goal on how many days you’re going to walk in the month. I went with the preset goal of 20 days. I have been doing pretty well. After walking in the rain last Saturday, I even thought there was no excuse not to walk EVERY day. Although I didn’t change anything on the webpage where the tracking is done, I was determined I would have 31 leaves meaning I walked every single day. Thursday when we were on our little adventure and because of the shoe debacle that goal was busted. Has that stopped me from walking … no, but it has got me thinking about goals.

Although I’m trying to steer away from the all or nothing type of thinking, if you don’t reach a goal, you don’t reach a goal. Maybe I would do better if I have a plan that has a range. A high side and a low side. Like with the walk. The low side is 20 days and the high side would be 31 (the entire month). If I reach anything in between I should feel I have succeeded. If I reach the ultimate, I can consider myself SUPERWOMAN. Same with those weight goals. A minimum and a maximum amount to lose in a certain period of time, a range of 10 - 45 days, instead of something every week, even if you weighing every week. It could even be done with a range of. 32 oz of water or 64 oz. in setting the amount of water you strive to drink in a day. What cha think? Am I overcomplicating things again? Should I just go out and "DO IT" the best I can with no goal in mind?

Which Way?

I wasn’t able to blog yesterday and now it seems like I’ve been gone for a week or more. I know the importance of keeping this current for my own motivation. It's late but just like so much else in my life has become, it's worth the effort.

I’ve been feeling a little disconnected this week. Monday was a great day with another loss on the scale and I faced the fact that losing it slow was a GOOD thing. My productivity at work or the lack of it has started to bother me. I have this need in me that it's important to go through this life feeling that I have a purpose and lately at work, I feel like I’m just going through the motions and not contributing much. The economy and my boss’ accident and his not being in the office on a full time basis is the majority of the reason. I took a look at my vacation for the year and saw that I have 18 days left to take. That’s quite a bit to take in less than three months, so I thought I should take a look at the calendar and come up with a plan and hand in a time off request for the remainder of my vacation time. I had put this request on my boss’ desk Monday, with the next personal day I was taking to be Thursday (10/7). The time off did me a world of good. It renewed my spirit. We had no sets plans and ended up on the back roads of Kentucky enjoying the fall colors.

(Kentucky's fall folage)








Gary checked and we were able to get a free hotel night at Belterra on Wednesday. When I came home from work Wednesday, I threw some things in a bag and we took off. On the drive we talked about maybe going to a state park and doing some hiking or visiting some wineries. I got up yesterday morning and found that I failed to pack my tennis shoes, and all I had were the heels that I wore to work, so I knew hiking was out of the question.




(dressed for success maybe, but the feet weren't dressed for hiking)


Our route was very impromptu just using our GPS and it added to the excitement and adventure. We went through a lot of small towns and stopped and had lunch in a small Ohio River town at a place called “Big Daddy’s BBQ”. I needed to go to the bathroom but thought I could hold it when I saw a door that said “SOWS” … I’d rather be a “BORE” … there goes me and associating putting labels on people again.

We did end up visiting a couple of wineries and stayed off the interstate to soak up the local flavor. We had dinner at the oldest tavern in Indiana built in the mid 1800’s. It was a wonderful day and put me in a better frame of mind ready to hit it hard again. I may have done some damage earlier in the week but I know at this point nothing is irrepairable.




(Elk Ridge Winery and Vineyards in Kentucky)

Dress the Part

I have worked in an office most of my adult life. I have always dressed in business attire rather than casually. We do have casual day on the first Friday of the month and I also choose wisely on that day. I learned my lesson several years back when I choose to wear a cartoon character denim shirt and I was called in to notarize documents for a closing with our executives, as well as several bankers. I felt really out of place. I believe in the slogan "Dress for Success".

More now than ever, I think I should carry that philosophy into my personal life. They say that when you look good, you feel good. You have confidence and feel positive about yourself. I think sometimes we get too comfortable in our old clothes that we wore when we started out on this journey? Maybe I need to wear something a little more fashionable rather than sloppy sweats when I go grocery shopping , to a movie or out to eat. Would I feel better and hold my head higher? I know clothes are expensive and we go through transition sizes during our journey. What can we do? Perhaps there are clothes in the closet that are too small that I need to try on. I tried a resale shop a couple of weeks ago and the prices weren't too bad. Maybe I can suggest a clothing exchange at my TOPS meeting or is that going a bit too far? I think I need to take more time looking at my options of what I do have and how to make it a little more dressy. Maybe more accessories like jewelry or scarfs that could make an outfit pop? We all should remember that we're worth the time and effort it takes to make ourselves look as good as we can during our transformation. When wearing dark colors, I think it's wise to add a splash of color close to the face. Have you heard the expression “... she has such a pretty face”. All this talk about clothes that fit and are clean and well maintained go for guys too. Yes, there’s a place for those sweats and T-Shirts. One good place is the gym, or when you're spending time at home … but I think it's important to make yourself feel good when you’re out and about and dress the part of a confident person. I know this is just my opinion. Am I in the minority thinking this way?

Good News, Bad News, I Don't Think I Care Anymore

Last night was my TOPS meeting and weigh-in night. Again, I left home for work yesterday morning thinking I had a loss. I weighed myself again before I left the office still thinking I had a loss. Sometimes weighing on three different scales, you get confused (I am only this obsessive on weigh-in day). I have my weight written down for my "official" weights but at home and work I can never remember exactly what they said from the week before when it's so close and all three are different. Anway, at TOPS when the weight didn't move on the scale, as I stepped on, I knew I was home free. I had lost another 1 1/2# ... that oh familiar number that seems to appear the majority of the time .... YEAH for me! 1 1/2# has been the most I have lost in a week with the exception of the weigh-in after I started blogging in June when I lost 3# or when I went two weeks between weigh-ins because of being out of town.

That's where the "I don't think I care anymore" comes in. I used to get upset that my numbers weren't huge, especially following others that were losing much more, on a weekly basis. It also bothered me when I'd go to my TOPS meeting (where the person losing the most gets recognized) and thinking I did good ... but there was always someone that did better. It was the "Always the Bridesmaid, never the Bride" syndrome. Last night after coming in third, it hit me ... so what, I'm still doing this. I'm still losing. I've hit two goals that I really hadn't even mapped out. I've lost 10% of my highest bodyweight which I've read is very important to you body's wellbeing and future health and I also have lost that first 25#. Just like being individuals on different plans because no one plan works for everyone, losing week by week is pretty much a personal thing too. They say that goals are important and you should set specific goals not just vague ones like ... I want to lose weight. However, you've got to do what's best for you so my only goal is to lose a pound. Not a pound a week but to lose a pound ... the next pound. Right now, because of 1 1/2#'s being a consistent number, it may seem like it is a pound a week, but I'm just fighting for the next pound off and if that happens in one week with a half pound tagged on, that's great; but if it takes two weeks it shouldn't make a difference, it's eventually going to be another pound gone. One day I'm going to have my big day just like the "Bride" and I'll walk proudly in a stunning dress and there WILL be eyes on me, if only my own looking in a mirror.

Oh, you ask what the "Bad News" is ... looks like they may not be offering Zumba at my office anymore. This last session ended up with three people. In the past it's only been open to employees and now they're going to let friends and family participate but if the employee isn't going why would friends and family show up without them. I'll check out our community center ... but in the past only the early Saturday morning class has had room, but we'll see what happens.

Chilling

Yesterday was a pretty much an uneventful day. I slept late even though Gary woke me up when he got up at 7:30. I was able to go back to sleep, dreams some dreams and woke up at 9:00. They say getting enough sleep is good for those trying to lose weight so you do what you gotta do.

After church we fixed lunch. Gary said we had some hot dogs in the fridge and I thought well I could have a couple without bread and some fruit. I discovered they were fat free so that allowed me to have one on a bun with a side of fruit and I watch a little football before heading out for a walk. I decided to take my camera along with me and shoot some fall pictures.

It was a beautiful day for a walk with a chill in the air, although I found out that I wouldn't feel that crispness as I kept walking.

I noticed quite a few people were out decorating their yards but the leaves really hadn't really started to fall yet here in our part of the Midwest. So I 'll continue to take my camera with me on walks as that change progresses. Sometimes it just takes a while just like with our bodies. I enjoyed my walk taking notice of my surroundings and charted my route when I got home and it was another three miles plus.

(Here's a picture of our backyard -- I guess the leaves that have made it to the ground have landed in our yard ... I guess Gary will be getting some exercise this coming week)

The other event of the day was to do something that makes me feel younger and better about myself ... that being, it was time to get rid of the grey. I take after my mother in that my first grey hairs came in my 20's. It just seems to be at my roots though. Like I said previously you do what ya gotta do. I hope I did enough to see the scale give me good news at my meeting tonight.

Why Does It Bother Me

I love the weekends and being able to sleep in. I often think I should be living on the West Coast as my body seems to be in that time zone. Yesterday I got up early for the weekend at 7:30. I had heard there was rain in the forecast for the morning and hoped to get out to walk before it started. I spent too much time completing updates for my high school class blog. Each month, I send out emails to my fellow classmates, asking a series of questions for them to respond to and I put this up on a blog. It helps us get to know each other a little better and become better connected for our next reunion which will be in 2012. I started doing this after our reunion in 2002. I was afraid we weren’t going to have a reunion that year and got a committee together and those of us on the committee have been very close since then and we’re trying to keep the class together too. Anyway, I send individual emails and that takes awhile.

So anyway, time got away from me but I said I was going to walk, so I was going to walk. I headed out the door and guess what ….? I waited too long, it was raining. Mmm, I figured I could still walk, I had an umbrella so I dug it out of the car and headed out. It wasn’t a major thunderstorm, it was just one of those going to be one of those long, steady rains that hang around all day. I didn’t go quite as far as I had planned which was to a resale shop. I stopped at the major highway as the traffic was pretty busy and it was raining and I didn’t want to maneuver thru all the vehicles. But, I still walked 3 ½ miles round trip which I thought was pretty good. The broken umbrella didn’t do its job but I did mine and I was a little wet when I got home. But that was okay with me, I just changed clothes.

In yesterday’s post, I mentioned I was going to continue writing about the football game and here’s “the rest of the story”. The Lancers were playing the Indiana Deaf School. When the announcer was doing the play by play, she kept saying “Deaf Hoosiers”. It was the Lancers score, the Lancers have a first down but it was the “Deaf Hoosiers” fumble, the “Deaf Hoosiers” are penalized for delay of game. It was never just the "Hoosiers" or even "Deaf School Hoosiers". I thought it sounded horrible. It sounded like a label was put on them … and labels reminded me of being overweight and how we are described. There is one word that I cannot use without being uncomfortable and that is …. “FAT”. I cannot describe myself that way. I can say I’m overweight, I’m chubby, I’m pudgy but I can’t say I’m __________. I wonder why? There are so many blogs that use the word in their title. As I mentioned I’m a TOPS member and it is a support group but if I had to stand up at the meeting like they do at AA and say … Hi, my name is Sheilah and I’m …………, well I guess I’d be looking for another place for support. This bothers me ... maybe enough to get down to a normal weight? Or am I just kidding myself by not admitting it? I choose to think it’s just one of those words like understandable or browsing I just don’t like hearing or using … weird, huh?

Put Me In Coach

We needed something to do last night, other than our Friday night ritual of fried rice at our favorite “hole in the wall” Asian restaurant, so we decided to go to a high school football game.

We have a friend that coaches football. Throughout his career it has been mostly at the college level and he even has a few of his college players that are now playing in the NFL. He retired two years ago. Last spring a small rural high school contacted him to see if he would consider being the head football coach. I should add that this team has only won two games in the last TEN years and one of those games was a forfeit. Bill loves the game and he thought this would be a way to give back to the community no matter what the odds. The first game they were defeated something like 64 – 0 and the games that followed also ended in defeat. Bill is competitive and he wasn’t there to lose but he also is a realist. He does not have a “give it up” mentality. He treats his players like winners and makes them work hard. When they do something wrong he tells them and they may even have to pay for that mistake with extra drills. It’s no different than where many of us are now. We are worth the effort to make us winners. We have to find ways to get better and more focused and to even do things we don’t want to do to make up for our shortcomings. Last night the Lancers were victorious and if you think Bill is going to let up on the discipline and work ethics he shows at his practices … well, you know the answer to that question.

I’ve seen this before but for every point the team scored, the cheerleaders had to drop to the ground and do pushups. The Lancers scored a touchdown and extra point, so it was 7 pushups. It wasn’t too long before they scored another touchdown … 14 pushups and the another TD for 21 pushups. These girls were NOT used to doing this and you could see them struggling. The next score they changed to jumping jacks which made me think when you no longer can do a type of exercise without it coming to a point where you don’t want to do it, so you don’t that ... you shouldn't give up on it totally, just try something else.

I hope everyone has a good weekend. I want to share something else about the game, but I’ll wait until tomorrow

I Caved

Wednesday when I got back from the gym I mentioned to Gary that I needed a new pair of shoes. I noticed when we were on vacation that the balls of my feet felt like I was walking on rocks. I made sure I wore nice cushey socks on Wednesday because socks are just as important as shoes but that didn't help.

I think my first mistake was that as I was leaving for work yesterday morning Gary asked what I wanted for dinner. I'm not a morning person and I mumbled something like I don't care whatever you want to do. When he called to let me know what had come in the mail (a daily ritual) he said how about going out and getting your shoes tonight and I'll go to the gym with you and we can have a "dollar menu" for dinner. I said sure. So, what's wrong with this picture. First, I hadn't planned to go to the gym, I was going to walk in the neighborhood. Second ... fast food wasn't in my plan for the evening either. I immediately looked up Wendy's nutritional information. I like their site because you can "personalize it" which means leave off certain components and it will recalculate the calories, etc.

On the way home, because of all this blogging and reading, I thought just because Gary suggested something, I could always say "no, that's not what I want". But I know he hasn't been feeling well and he spends all day alone at home and how boring that can get. When I got home, I came in and sat down and he asked when I wanted to go. I asked if there was any chili left over from the night before and he said ... yes, so I then asked if there was enough for both of us. He said he didn't want chili but he would just fix himself breakfast. I settled in on the couch while he tuned in to NCIS that was DVR'd while we were away last week. I mentioned to him while he was fast forwarding thru the commercials that I still want to go get shoes. When the show was over, I said I was going to nuke the chili but then said ... OR do you still want to go out. I thought again about him needing to get out. Sometimes when you feel puney, if you just get up and do something you feel better, so I caved when he said that he was looking forward to going out.

We went to Wendy's and I ordered a Ultimate Grilled Chicken with no bun plain and a plain baked potato. I asked if they had BBQ sauce and because the main ingredient was sugar on the label smeared just a little on top of the chicken to give it a little more flavor. I figured there was room for compromise and I could still be okay.

I got my new shoes and on the way home, I said that I now did need to go to the gym, because it was getting too dark to walk the streets. We headed home, I changed clothes quickley and off we went to gym. I did 1 3/4 miles on the treadmill, burning almost 200 calories so ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL.