As a kid I always felt just a little out of place. While I had four siblings I still felt like an only child since my brothers and sister were adults when I was born, the youngest before me being 23 years older than I. I was shy and didn't make friends easy. My parents didn't drive so I was pretty much secluded to home. I had a good and loving family but no social skills. My parent didn't socialize much and I grew up with that adage that children are seen but not heard. For years I just went with the flow and never felt I had an opinion about anything. Nothing that I said or did was of any importance.
After I got married and had children I changed my tune. I wanted to bring my children up with values that everyone is important and everyone has a right to express themselves. But yet, many times I do not put enough confidence in myself. I go with the flow or are just in the moment.
I really don't know where I'm going with this post. I was going to write how I went back to the gym last night after taking off time because of my leg. The title was going to explain that I'm back to a normal routine but when I wrote "the norm" for some reason it brought back memories of childhood and just wanting to be like everyone else. I wanted to be involved and participate but it seemed like I was too shy to join in. I often wished that I had some special talent like the athlete, cheerleader or great student. I never put any value in myself and I feel that I'm still carrying a little of that "little girl" around with me.
There is so much more for me ... fear may be holding me back but I still need to strive for what I want.
3 comments:
I found social pressure , or The Norm, to be a great deterrant on my way to lose weight. Heck, even getting started i was so overwhelmed by people saying to me 'you'd look so pretty if you just got down to a normal weight' that it drove me down into a further cycle of emotional disordered eating. Nevermind the pressure form the media dictating what is 'normal'.
I still feel it these days, i very often wish i could be like other blogging friends and have lost 50, 70, 100lbs in this time (as some have) but i have to get a grip and tell myself that i am doing this for me, and it *is* going the right way for me, even if slower than others. Whether i'm the Norm or they are, i don't know
The Norm. Does it exist? I don't know
What a lovely post. I love it when my mind goes in some random direction and I learn something about myself that I never knew before. And I love that you just went with it. It occurs to me that recognizing and acknowledging the fear is the first step in overcoming it. Here's to striving... ;-)
I don't have many talents either but people usually seem to like me and I bet the same is true for you! I also am a good baker and I was/am a good student. I don't worry much about popularity now or what people think about me- I just want to be a healthy weight to live longer and participate in life and not just observe. Perhaps you can write down a few things that make you happy and what you would like to work on.
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