Things are getting to me. But that's life and things happen ... good things and NOT so good things. Kids are so much more resiliant. They hurt but they usually have some run to and they hear it's going to be okay and believe that.
Maybe that's the roadblock I've hit. I don't believe enough and I'm tired. Maybe there's too many obstacles and the strength to fight more than one thing seems defeating. I see evidence that I haven't thrown in the towel completely so I do have hope. I'm just tried of being knocked down but I know I have to continue to get up, even when I don't know how long I'll remain on my feet.
My pride has been deminished, the leadership I thought I uncovered and especially the all or nothing thinking has all been thrown in my face. I hurt both mentally and physically and all I want to do is feel better.
I keep reminding myself how fortunate I am, how far I've come and how others facing much more challenging things than I am are taking advantage of their inner strength. Is that because they have others pushing them ... I need to push myself out this funk.
I don't need my legs ... I don't need to run a 5k ... and maybe I don't need to succeed, maybe I just need to believe that I can maintain until I get through this rough period. Better things are coming. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. I don't need chocolate or ice cream or extra helping. My body needs substance and it can wait a few hour until the next healthy meal.
The weather doesn't help, the loss of a police officer doesn't help, the economy doesn't help, the lack of mobility doesn't help .... what helps ... knowing it's a temporary situation and things change and accept that.
Okay I'm done ... I was told I need to write and get it out. I think it helped ... I'm not heading out to the kitchen now and I WILL wait for dinner before I put another thing in my mouth.