As a kid I always felt just a little out of place. While I had four siblings I still felt like an only child since my brothers and sister were adults when I was born, the youngest before me being 23 years older than I. I was shy and didn't make friends easy. My parents didn't drive so I was pretty much secluded to home. I had a good and loving family but no social skills. My parent didn't socialize much and I grew up with that adage that children are seen but not heard. For years I just went with the flow and never felt I had an opinion about anything. Nothing that I said or did was of any importance.
After I got married and had children I changed my tune. I wanted to bring my children up with values that everyone is important and everyone has a right to express themselves. But yet, many times I do not put enough confidence in myself. I go with the flow or are just in the moment.
I really don't know where I'm going with this post. I was going to write how I went back to the gym last night after taking off time because of my leg. The title was going to explain that I'm back to a normal routine but when I wrote "the norm" for some reason it brought back memories of childhood and just wanting to be like everyone else. I wanted to be involved and participate but it seemed like I was too shy to join in. I often wished that I had some special talent like the athlete, cheerleader or great student. I never put any value in myself and I feel that I'm still carrying a little of that "little girl" around with me.
There is so much more for me ... fear may be holding me back but I still need to strive for what I want.