BREAKING ALL THE RULES

Well, I haven't posted in a couple of days.  That means I have nothing good to say about my progress.  It really sucks that I can't hold it together.  Things seemed to have changed overnight, although looking back, I've been slipping for several weeks.  That being said, I get up everyday thinking I'm back on track, I'm turning things around and I will eventually get where I'm headed.

Today I have motivation to make that happen.  This morning I got on the scale for my LAST weigh in of the Holiday Challenge I'm in.  Maybe I should backtrack a bit ... I weighed in Monday at TOPS with a 2 1/2# gain.  I knew it was going to be a gain but didn't know how much and in a way was somewhat relieved.  I felt it could actually have been a 5# gain or more.  I felt huge.  I did count my blessings.  This was my first gain since the middle of October and only the second gain since I really got serious back at the end of July.  I've also lost 15# which is nothing to sneeze at.  I should have written all of this down on Tuesday but I wallowed in my defeat.  I need to be constant about blogging no matter what.  Tuesday, I told myself I'm back to the basics but holiday stress and holiday treats were too much for my weakened state of confidence and I had trouble saying no.

Yesterday, I was going to give it another shot.  I did well at the office until lunchtime.  I had pretty  much wrapped up all the prep work for our Office Christmas party tomorrow.  Even though I wanted something off the grid for lunch, I calmed myself and choose 1/2 sandwich and soup from Paradise Cafe.  When I got back to the office, I went back into party mode double checking my list and worrying that I had forgotten something.  I tried to reassure myself that it doesn't have to be perfect, just fun and only I would know every little detail.  I walked down the hallway to the supply room and saw a bucket of gourmet dipped pretzels on the counter.  I couldn't help myself ... maybe just one.  That did it, it was several trips back since I knew where the stash was and then I remembered I had a chocolate chip cookie in my purse that I was going to take home to Gary from lunch but I had started something and ate that too.  When I got home, it didn't stop.  I decided to do something worthwhile for a change ... ya know, keep active instead of vegging on the sofa in front of the TV.  I had gifts to wrap, so why not do that.  I needed to wrap the gift for the gal I supervise which was a candy dispenser.  I had Gary look at it and put batteries in, but it wouldn't work.  That meant I had to run out and find something else while Gary fixed dinner.  I ended up picking up a candy dish and of course I needed to stop at the drug store and get some candy to put in it. 

Dinner was good (Parmesean Chicken) and I stuck to my small plate and one serving unlike having seconds of chili the night before.  However, wrapping the gifts with leftover candy that didn't fit in the jar proved to be too tempting and I got into that.  Another day of mindless, can't turn it off eating.  Who is this person?

Okay, all caught up ... I got on the scale this morning for the challenge and the scale was down 3# from what I weighed on Monday.  It doesn't make any sense.  I'm a person that wants reasons.  I analyze and over analyze.  I've been snacking like a maniac and the scale is down?  This time I just need to know things aren't always as they seem and just accept it.  God is giving me another chance to pull myself together.  I'm not getting on the scales again until the morning of my next TOPS weigh-in which is January 7 but I do feel more in control.  I don't need the sickening sweet stuff, in fact just mentioning it really send negative waves through my brain this morning.  I'd rather have something more substantial. 

THERE IS STILL HOPE!