The amusement park of life is still open and I'm riding the roller coaster. Yesterday I was on top of one of the mammoth hills, but by late morning I find myself going down a steep grade. I'm equipped this time just to close my eyes and take deep breaths until it's time to exit the ride. My plan this week was to take extended lunch hours and meet up with everyone to give me a little more family time since I'm stuck in this current work environment. I need to rework the last part of that sentence because a change of attitude about work is needed for me to truly get in touch with my emotions.
This blog is mainly about dealing with emotions to help with weight loss goals. I had to use what I'd learned about getting in touch with my feelings and questioning them. As I stated above, I thought we were going to meet up for lunch but with a misinterpreted email, I found No Lunch and had the feeling of abandonment. The one emotion I find that I struggle most with and one that goes back to childhood. It was almost 11:30 when Gary called and said "I guess you're not meeting us for lunch". With a lump in my throat, I said I didn't think you were going to lunch. I felt that emptiness but knew I had to question what I was feeling and contradict the voices in my head with what I knew was true. I hadn't even brought anything from home for lunch because I thought I would be eating out. Fortunately George had ask me to go to Palomino and get him and I a salad. However, they always stick that wonderful yummy warm bread and relish in there too and oh was I tempted. Didn't I need something to help me feel better ... the so called "comfort food", but no, this time it had to be different. No question, I need to improve how I feel, but I also want to be in a good mood not just now but tonight and tomorrow and next week and I knew what that bread and relish would lead to. I told myself that it was all a misunderstanding and that my family loves me and I was going to have some wonderful, special time together at dinner after I left my TOPS weigh-in. I'm okay. I didn't need food to make me feel better, I had my family.