HAPPY DANCE

I weighed in at TOPS last night with a 3 1/2# loss.  Didn't quite get under the 200 mark but you always have a have a goal for the next week, right?

I had a salad from Palomino at lunch and was really surprised that when I put it in MyFitnessPal, the nutritional information was there.  A great help.

Our TOPS meeting went well and I felt I was with a group of people that I related too, that understood me and that wasn't negative.  Was that because I led the discussion?  Our program was based on affirmations.  Having your brain programmed to help you lose weight.  It touched on the "garbage in ... garbage out" addage.  I read one person's blog on MFP which I shared with my chapter and I think I'm going to write her mantra on a card and put it on my bathroom mirror.  It says "Progression not Perfection".  As long as I've moved forward each week I'm not going to dwell on that I may have taken two steps forward and one back during the week as long as I've moved forward when Monday rolls around if it's even only a babystep, unlike the giant leap I took this week which has renewed my commitment and helped my motivation.

Last night after the meeting, some of the ladies were going for Mexican food.  I knew that even though I was feeling good about my loss and had the added motivation to keep truckin' along, that it wouldn't be the best choice for me, so I announced I was headed home.  I did stop at MacAlister's and got something that I knew would fit into my plan.

On to Week #2.  

IN A FUNK

As I mentioned, I felt somewhat better yesterday but still not quite myself.  I slept in until 9:00 and tried to get my blog up before we left for an reunion committee outing.  Gary informed me we needed to leave at 10:15 which really rushed me.  I was out the door on time but forgot my sunglasses, some small plates and who knows what else.  I wanted to stop at the store to get some veggies that I could have as snacks on the boat but did I dare say anything as Gary seemed to be on a mission to get going.  I told him we're always the first ones there and his reply was "GOOD".  He said we needed to stop for gas and that was my cue to ask if we could make a quick trip to the grocery too.  I got a small veggie tray and another one with cheese and fruit.  I wanted to avoid the chips, cookies, and other tempting goodies and this would help.  We stopped at Subway on the way to the lake and I only ate half of my sandwich, still not being on top of things.

We got to the lake 10 minutes early and of course the first ones and was told everyone else was running late.  One couple (those bringing chips and dip) wasn't going to be able to make it.  It started to rain.  We're having a drought but of course it would rain when we have something planned.  It didn't last long and when everyone was there we made arrangements to get everything on the boat.  My fruit and veggies trays were a big hit and Gary commented to that account.  We went out to a cove and It was just like high school ... all the girls got in the water and the guys stayed in the boat.  Then I started feeling bad again.  It wasn't so much physically but I just felt out of it, like I didn't fit in.  The conversation wasn't to my liking.  Complaints and badmouthing everybody from daughter-in-laws to spouses of committee members.  Geez, it WAS like high school.  I was really in a mood now and when we took a break and got back on the boat, that's where I stayed when everyone got back in the water.

It turned out to be a beautiful day weather wise and even though I did put on sunblock, I ended up with my back and shoulders burned.  Dave grilled some hamburgers when we brought the boat back and I put mostly salad on my plate with just a large spoonful of some of the other sides people brought.  I felt good that I was in control of my eating.

I was still feeling the effects of my weirdness when I went to bed last night and started to doze off when I guess I  started to make my not quite but sorta like snoring noises.  Gary was getting up and I broke down saying I felt so alone and for him to please stay.  We talked about the "girl talk" and he tried to talk me out of my funk.  I still feel like I'm going through withdrawals of some sort both physically and emotionally.  It's not making any sense but tomorrow is a brand new day.

IT STARTED OUT ...

Yesterday started out to be a perfect day.  I was able to sleep in, I had the joy of having children noises in the house and I just felt Right with the World.  I fixed a breakfast of pancakes and smokey links for the kids and had the proper portion for myself. 

Jim picked the kids up about 11:00 a.m.  I got dressed and started in on laundry, a bank run, tidying up.  Above are pictures of my favorite pajamas.  They have now bit the dust.  I wore them with small rips in them but today when the bottoms ended up with a trap drawer, I knew it was time to give 'em up.  I now have something in mind to replace them.  When I hit my first 10# gone, I'm going out shopping for a new pair of silk PJ's.

I was working on our household budget when I started feeling a little lightheaded.  I had a decent lunch of grilled cheese and some grapes but as I continued to number crunch I felt worse.  I didn't feel well and started getting dizzy.  I wasn't up to doing any of the things I had planned to do and spent most of the afternoon just lying on the couch.  At 7:00 Gary asked about dinner and gave the choice of take out pizza or going to Egg Roll.  I didn't know if I wanted to go out or not but when I looked at what would be the best choice for me for dinner, I picked Egg Roll.  I thought maybe eating would help but still didn't feel well and didn't eat very much because my stomach was also getting a little upset.  Walking was in my plans but never materialized as I pretty much went to bed once we got home.  I thought my blood pressure might be low and took it and that wasn't the problem, I just felt really wierd.  Almost what I would think withdrawal would be like.  I got up this morning feeling a little better with no dizziness so I was happy about that.

ALL IN (Almost)

Yesterday I got up 10 minutes before I normally do, but still only grabbed a banana for breakfast.  I got up earlier because I was meeting a friend for lunch for a belated birthday celebration and  I had fallen asleep on the courch after we got back from our walk the night before, and didn't take the time to get her gift wrapped and hunt from a card.  When you know you've got to do something, you do what you need to get it done.  That's an eye opener for me right now. 

Terrie picked MCL for where we were meeting.  She has gone back to Weight Watchers and she said she planned on getting their veggie plate.  I'm not a vegetable eater and that sure didn't sound like something I want for my birthday lunch but this was HER choice and actually a good one for me too.  We went to Cheesecake Factory on my birthday and look where that got me.  Anyway I checked out what I could find for MCL as far as nutritional information.  I was thinking the tilapia would probably be my best pick.  I wasn't a fish eater but I heard that this type of fish didn't taste fishy.  I then saw that amazingly the chicken and noodles was less than 100 calories more and knew that I would enjoy that more.  I accompanied it with squash and green beans and felt I had a lunch that I would pick if I wasn't dieting.  We had a good visit and it was an enjoyable afternoon.

We were watching Jacob and Gracie in the evening.  When I got home I asked Gary if he planned on fixing something for dinner and he said he didn't have anything to prepare.  We talked about where to take the kiddos for dinner and it sounded like he wanted to go to Fazoli's.  Immediately, I checked out how many points I had left for the day and what I could get for the remainder when we went for dinner.  It was like a kid getting their allowance and seeing what they could buy at the candy store.  Okay, maybe that's a bad analogy.  I ended up with a child's portion but was also able to have 1 1/2 breadstick and that was important to me.  I was satisfied and happy with my choice.

After watching a little TV when we got home, it was time to try out a Pinterest recipe for Healthy Breakfast cookies that we planned on taking to a friend's outting on Sunday.  Gracie was excited about helping and Jacob joined in too.  I've got to say they looked a lot better than they tasted but were okay (although my pictures don't show as much yummyness as the recipe picture).  One thing that happened though was that Gary brought in some cookies after they cooled and I immediately grabbed one without thinking.  So maybe I'm not quite there yet.  The cookies were small and supposedly less than 100 calories and that brought me in right ON target for points for the day.

I would have felt better if I would have walked yesterday but my day was pretty packed and I had walked three days in a row (a couple of times each day) where before I was exercising every other day, so I shouldn't have negative feelings.  I feel I'm off to a good start and feel committed.

MESSAGES FROM WHO KNOWS WHERE

Yesterday when I got up I was still out of sorts because of the car deal.  I don't understand why I can't just accept thing and move on.  I mean I eventually do, so why do I allow myself to hold on to such a non productive frame of mind.  Maybe it just takes me longer to grasp the obvious.

As I mentioned earlier I started using MyFitnessPal on Tuesday.  I don't quite understand it yet but think I'll try it for awhile just to use as a diary for my food.  I need to be aware of what and how much I'm eating and I can convert it into points.  It's just another form of journaling.  When I first entered my info, it said that I could be at 196 by sometime in September.  I thought mmmm, that's okay.  I'd like to be lower, but that's okay.  Then I pondered further ... geez 196 that's barely under 200 ... I have so far to go.  Why did I let myself get back to this point.  Then more confusion.  When I entered my first full day of food on Tuesday night, it said if I continued to eat like that I'd weigh 191.7 in 5 weeks.  Wow, that would almost be in the 80's ... definitely feeling good about that.  On Wednesday night after dinner and entering my food for the day, it said if I continued to eat like that I'd weigh 196.5 in 5 weeks.  Wow, I gained 5 pounds in one night.  Confusing, huh ... heart wrenching ... it could be if that's what I'd fool myself into thinking.  I know that is all averages and speculation with the data that was entered but with stinkin' thinkin' I could go off the deep end. 

After having all this rattling around in my brain, when I came downstairs yesterday morning, I decided to get on the scale.  I had two good days under my belt, and I knew I'd see a big loss because some of it would be water, bloat from vacation, air, blood sweat and tears ... you know all of that computes to a big number when you're first getting it back together.  WOW, 1.8# lost.  Are you kidding me?  No, that's good, I'm okay.  I don't weigh in until Monday and maybe then I'll see my big number.  Nothing to panic about.  Stay on the plan ... check my attitude and move on.

I had a Smart Ones for lunch and took a 30 minute walk.  I didn't play any games along the way, I just tried to walk and clear my mind.  I'm one that thinks too much.  This is just an off day emotionally and I reminded myself I'm taking one day at a time.  Nothing happened that was earth shattering.  I know I'm on target and I keep reminding myself it's going to be a long process without overnight results, no matter how nice that would be.  I've decided to stay away from the scales until Monday morning.

While walking, I went past the Government Center and saw that a Farmer's Market was in progress.  I heard they do this once a week.  But amongst the fresh produce, honey and flowers were food trucks selling pizza, tacos, BBQ.  There must have been 8 or 10 of them ... talk about a mixed message ... and I didn't think that one up.

 

GOING SLOW

This was breakfast yesterday.  Well it's an improvement over nothing.  I'm just too out of it in the morning.  I'm not a morning person and stay in bed until very last possible moment and then rush around like a maniac until I'm out the door.  Maybe there's a possibility for change here too, but I'm taking things slow.  Maybe so it'll sink in, maybe so I don't get overwhelmed, maybe .... who knows.

All in all yesterday went pretty well.  At lunch I had 1/2 sandwich and soup at Paradise Cafe and walked about 20 minutes on the remainder of my lunch hour.  When I set out the temperature didn't seem to be too bad for walking but after about 15 minutes, I was ready to get back in the cool air conditioning.

Speaking of air conditioning ... my mood was downsized in the afternoon when Gary called and said he had my car back from the dealership at a tune of $1300.  Going in, we were told around a grand.  It failed on us while we were on vacation and we took it into a Ford dealership for a temporary fix for about $300 when we were in New York.  I thought ... hey, it seems to be working okay but knew that it eventually was going to go out again because the compressor was bad.  I thought the band aid would work for awhile but Gary wanted it taken care of right away.  I guess it's a good thing because they told him there was metal in the area and it was ready to blow and it would cost even more if it did and they had to clean it out.  But that much money ... it just puts me in a mood and that's not a good thing when you're trying to stay positive about dieting.

Dinner was great.  One of my favorites.  Parmesan crusted chicken and Julienne Potatoes.  I watched my portions and even allowed myself a glass of wine but that meant no snack later in the evening but that was okay.  I was satisfied with my dinner .... no compromises (well maybe the portions) and that meant no feeling of deprivation.  

We took a walk about 8:45 using a different route which I think is important.  I discovered MyFitnessPal and logged in everything and seemed to be right on target.

GOOD START

Off and Running ... Positive and Determined ... Keep it Rolling

Tuesdays are probably my worse days for feeling wiped out. It's hard to drag myself out of bed. Mondays are bad ... but because of TOPS and being on the go until 9:30 or 10:00 p.m. and trying to slow down from the weekend, Tuesday is usually a downer when it comes to energy.

No time for breakfast or maybe I've just got into that habit lately. Is that part of my energy problem? My stomach isn't growling or rumbling, so why not wait until lunch and save the calories. I know that's not the best way to think and I need to start planning better. Around 10:30, I decided I did need something before lunch to keep me from overeating once I got started. I dug a buck out of my billfold and headed to the vending machine. I must have been somewhere in la-la land, because when I got there, I put my money in the soft drink machine. It spit out my change, so I had no opportunity to get my money back. I pushed the diet coke button and headed back upstairs to scrounge out some change to cover the peanut butter crackers that I originally went down to get. Back downstairs ... at least I was getting some exercise from getting up and down from my desk chair. Low and behold no crackers. What I would normally do, would be to get something else ... anything to make the trip worth it. It would probably be the 99% sugary candy bar but this time I just walked away empty handed with lunch less than two hours away. At lunch I chose Subway. I knew I'd be able to track the points and decided to go with double meat (turkey). For some reason I thought that would make the sandwich taste better. I really didn't want Subway but I knew it was a wiser choice, so I guess I felt I needed to work some magic to keep me from being bummed out the first day back to the program.

Normally I would spend the rest of my lunch hour either reading or people watching but today decided a walk was in order with my extra 30 minutes. At TOPS on Monday the other article that I read was about exercising being fun. We went over several sporting activities we may have done as a kid that may work into a routine now. There were a few that I only tried once like tennis, ice skating and riding a bike. I really don't mind riding a stationery bike so maybe getting an old used bike might be worth a try but right now walking is simple and can be enjoyable. At the meeting I talked about how distractions while you are doing an exercise gets your mind off of .... counting repetitions or watching the clock. Like the alphabet game you played as a kid when traveling. So, that's what I did as I set off on my noontime walk. I looked for something that that started with an "A" ... automobile, no problem. I moved right along until I came to "K" ... where's a knight in shining armor when you need one. After walking a block I saw Key Bank and their logo a key. Sometimes it was hard just thinking of words with that particular letter to look for. I should have looked for a knot but didn't even think of that. "Q" was the next stumbling block as I turned to walk on Monument Circle. I could say that Christ Cathedral is a quaint church or the people in front of the Symphony building were quirky or that bicyclist that just past me was quick but those were adjectives and that would be bending the rules. As I turned the corner ... Qudoba's. I finished the alphabet using "X" and "Z" in signs that had those letters but I needed to get back to the office so I guess I did bend the rules but I also exercised without really thinking about it and the time went by so fast.

Gary fixed smoked sausage, green beans and potatoes for dinner. I would have much rather had the fried version but I'm adjusting and now writing down what I eat and the point count and this way gave me more volume. We had talked earlier about going for a walk after dinner when it cooled off. I want to work exercise into my program but I'm just not in the gym mode yet. It got to be 8:45 and I finally said I'm going for a walk. We headed out for a 45 minute walk and I felt good about my day.