After my weigh-in last week, I tried to be careful and make wise choices. Gary made homemade spaghetti and meatballs one night last week and I limited my portions. It was really, really good and I wanted to go back for seconds but I resisted, thinking I'd have my seconds for lunch the next day.
I made it up to running 8 minutes on the treadmill but then the mind started its dialogue and I wasn't able to get the second eight minutes in, so I spent 10 minutes on the bicycle trying to build up some endurance.
I was in check all week and when we had dinner after the gym on Thursday, we started talking about nothing on our calendar for the weekend and maybe this was a good time to make one of our county trips. Three years ago when Gary retired we decided to go on the adventure of visiting all 92 counties in Indiana and learning a little about its history. We knew it would take a decade or more to do this ... but it was to be an adventure. We ended up going to Porter County and stayed in a B&B and had a great time exploring. Some of the things we discovered was really good food. Again, I tried to be vigilant but fell short at times like when a gourmet breakfast was set in front of me or going to a great Italian restaurant the innkeeper recommended.
It could have been worse as it could have been better if I would have resisted but when I stepped on the scale last night I was relieved to see the weight to be the same as last week. I would have been happier to see a loss but I feel I really didn't deserve anything but what I saw.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
NEXT . . .
I weighed in on Monday and my prediction wasn't that far off. I had gained
4 3/4# since my absence for vacation. I don't know why I felt the need but I started looking back over some numbers and stats going back to my heaviest weight of 206 in November of 2009. Maybe I wanted to remind myself that I haven't b
een the victim of gaining it ALL back, although I did hate not being able to say that I lost 30# or even 25# like I once boasted proudly. Both of those sound like a truly great accomplishment but so does 23 1/4# .... that's what I'm down and I'm not ready to give it back. It's not that far off from 25 or 30 and I will attain that again and more.
4 3/4# since my absence for vacation. I don't know why I felt the need but I started looking back over some numbers and stats going back to my heaviest weight of 206 in November of 2009. Maybe I wanted to remind myself that I haven't b
een the victim of gaining it ALL back, although I did hate not being able to say that I lost 30# or even 25# like I once boasted proudly. Both of those sound like a truly great accomplishment but so does 23 1/4# .... that's what I'm down and I'm not ready to give it back. It's not that far off from 25 or 30 and I will attain that again and more.The numbers can serve as whatever you want to make of them ... good results, slow progress, troubled months, I'm pushing all the negatives aside and starting the next chapter or next phase. I believe that this is only going to be a 2-act play and now that I'm back from intermission the real story will unfold along with a happily ever after ending.
In the last couple of days, I feel I'm already forming good habits of taking my
lunch, drinking my water and eating good and healthy snacks. I also plan to hit the gym on a regular basis and last night I pushed through my mental block of not being able to complete three five-minute intervals of running. I knew all along it was something I could do and something I needed to prove to myself. Tomorrow is 2 eight-minute intervals. Sounds tough but doable. I'll also take a peak at the scales tomorrow morning and hope to be back in the '70's wh
ich will give me a boost and perhaps bring me back to that quarter century loss.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Call FEMA, There's Been a Diaster
I knew it had been awhile but didn't think it had been over a month since I last blogged. I thought a few times about starting it back up but just had no motivation to write. It was just like the lack of motivation I had to get serious about this weight loss journey I was on. I am only half way to my destination, but it seemed like I settled into a dark dreary ghost town and I didn't know or my attitude didn't care which way to move on out. It was like I was content to be where I was ... that was ... that was, until this morning when I got on the scale.
Since my last day of blogging, I have been on two trips. I got through the first one in pretty good shape and even exercised. The second trip which was just over two weeks ago came with a different ending, although the night of our first stop I did pay a visit to the hotel gym. However, I gave myself some whimpy excuse saying I can't do this, meaning I won't do this and set some sort of record for the shortest time on a treadmill. I didn't see a treadmill or any other type of exercise equipment until I returned home.
I had this false impression that with all the walking we were doing I was burning calories like a stoked fire .... trouble is that I was drowning out the flames with all the wrong choices or too much of a good thing I was eating. I had fallen back into that false prophecy that hey, I'm on vacation ... well, you know the rest and what the results of that kind of thinking will get you.
We returned from vacation a week ago yesterday but because it was my wedding anniversary last Monday, I didn't go to my weigh-in ... we went out to dinner instead and the feasting and celebrating and literally TOO MUCH breaking of bread continued.
Did I get on the scale when we got home .... no!! I guess I was afraid or maybe I thought I had another week and all that bloat and heaviness I seemed to be feeling would go away. I think it was last Wednesday when I decided to face the music and saw ... well, since I jumped back off quickly, I don't quite remember but I know it was well over a 5# gain. How can anyone gain that much in ten days. To make it worse, my husband informed me that he had lost 2 pounds and I knew I didn't eat as much as he did. It wasn't fair and I tried to push it off that it wasn't entirely my fault .... YEAH, RIGHT! If you believe that, there's a course on denial, available somewhere.
I settled into my routine and had a good eating day but the next morning got up and saw the scale only go down a pound. I guess the results weren't "good enough" and just like when you think you aren't good enough the mind starts this crummy dialogue and the results aren't pretty and the number on the scale this morning wasn't either.
Enough is enough. The damage is done. The lesson is learned .... obviously, the hard way .... AGAIN. Maybe, I need a different approach. There are different ways to teach a subject. A method to make you understand more clearly and actually "get it" this time. All I know staying at home and pretending your sick and not studying isn't going to advance your knowledge any. I've got to listen, I've got to take notes, I've got to study and most of all I've got to care.
I do care. I can clean up after this disaster. Maybe with the help of some friends, after facing the scale tonight, I can push through all the debris and start a new and better way to get back on the right road with a bright future.
I tried to come up with an acronym for FEMA that is in the title of this post but all I could come up with were words for the first two letters ... FRIENDS EVERYWHERE ... can you come up with the last two?
Since my last day of blogging, I have been on two trips. I got through the first one in pretty good shape and even exercised. The second trip which was just over two weeks ago came with a different ending, although the night of our first stop I did pay a visit to the hotel gym. However, I gave myself some whimpy excuse saying I can't do this, meaning I won't do this and set some sort of record for the shortest time on a treadmill. I didn't see a treadmill or any other type of exercise equipment until I returned home.
I had this false impression that with all the walking we were doing I was burning calories like a stoked fire .... trouble is that I was drowning out the flames with all the wrong choices or too much of a good thing I was eating. I had fallen back into that false prophecy that hey, I'm on vacation ... well, you know the rest and what the results of that kind of thinking will get you.
We returned from vacation a week ago yesterday but because it was my wedding anniversary last Monday, I didn't go to my weigh-in ... we went out to dinner instead and the feasting and celebrating and literally TOO MUCH breaking of bread continued.
Did I get on the scale when we got home .... no!! I guess I was afraid or maybe I thought I had another week and all that bloat and heaviness I seemed to be feeling would go away. I think it was last Wednesday when I decided to face the music and saw ... well, since I jumped back off quickly, I don't quite remember but I know it was well over a 5# gain. How can anyone gain that much in ten days. To make it worse, my husband informed me that he had lost 2 pounds and I knew I didn't eat as much as he did. It wasn't fair and I tried to push it off that it wasn't entirely my fault .... YEAH, RIGHT! If you believe that, there's a course on denial, available somewhere.
I settled into my routine and had a good eating day but the next morning got up and saw the scale only go down a pound. I guess the results weren't "good enough" and just like when you think you aren't good enough the mind starts this crummy dialogue and the results aren't pretty and the number on the scale this morning wasn't either.
Enough is enough. The damage is done. The lesson is learned .... obviously, the hard way .... AGAIN. Maybe, I need a different approach. There are different ways to teach a subject. A method to make you understand more clearly and actually "get it" this time. All I know staying at home and pretending your sick and not studying isn't going to advance your knowledge any. I've got to listen, I've got to take notes, I've got to study and most of all I've got to care.
I do care. I can clean up after this disaster. Maybe with the help of some friends, after facing the scale tonight, I can push through all the debris and start a new and better way to get back on the right road with a bright future.
I tried to come up with an acronym for FEMA that is in the title of this post but all I could come up with were words for the first two letters ... FRIENDS EVERYWHERE ... can you come up with the last two?
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Mid Week
This week ... how would I describe it so far. Good news with a little "stinkin thinkin". I'm not a big fan of Mondays. It's genuinely hard getting back into the work routine. I've got to push myself a little harder on Mondays. I had a voice mail when I to the office. It was a reminder. I wrote it down but quickly forgot about it until very late in the afternoon. By then, it was too late to do anything about it. I screwed up and disappointed someone. It broke my spirit and it takes me about twice as long to recover from a broken spirit. Things were resolved by Tuesday and it was "no harm ... no foul", but I still screwed up and let someone down for a moment. I kept thinking what else have I done wrong or not done. My confidence was crushed. I'm coming out of it now but why do I do this? It doesn't help any to dwell and rehash but it has become a tendency of mine. One good thing that did happen Monday evening was that I lost 3 pounds. I worked hard last week and I saw the results. Could I have tried harder ... you betcha!
Friday, February 25, 2011
HAVE I ARRIVED?
One step at a time, one day at a time, one victory at a time. I think I just might be there. Yesterday started off like most other days. Got up, showered, got dressed, headed downstairs for my usual Honey Bunches of Oats breakfast, checked Facebook, grabbed my Smart Ones dinner out of the freezer and I was out the door still half asleep. Did I mentioned I'm not a morning person..
Mid-morning my boss brought me a document that needed to be delivered to our attorney's office at noon and said I'll buy lunch at Paradise Cafe while you're out. My typical lunch there is 1/2 sandwich and cup of soup. It fits into my plan well. However, Paradise always includes a cookie (at no charge) in with their orders. I know this and the last few times I've been there, I've succumbed to this freebie. I knew I was going to the gym last night and I knew that I have been better with my eating. The voices started again with reasoning as well as misguided information. As I was sitting at my desk eating lunch, I thought I'd check some blogs. This seems to be a tough time of year for a lot of people. I read how others are fighting off the demons and so many bloggers pulled in so many directions. There are snacking temptations, schedule issues, just the old winter weather blues syndrome. Motivation, dedication, commitment, do I or don't I, you name it.
Somehow, some way ... it made me think and I ended up taking the two cookies to the breakroom. After I did that and returned to my desk, I really questioned my sanity ... how could I do that. Those cookies are sooooo good. I then realized that maybe I'm over the hump and that I've got a chance for success, for something to build on.
As I mentioned, Thursday is one of my scheduled training days for the gym for my C25K training. I was moving into week 3 and I thought that I'd run on the track instead of the treadmill. Well, that didn't work. I don't know if I started out too quick and burned myself out or what but I just couldn't do the second run. Did I quit ... give it all up? No, I just went back to the treadmill and did the program on it. I got in a little more exercise and didn't feel defeated. I'll try to build up my endurance a little more and try the track again later .... starting out slower.
The chili was on the stove when we got home from the gym. It smelled heavenly and I was hungry. For some reason, after I had taken several bites, I was already thinking about the second bowl ... what's up with that? I didn't care if I would be full or not, there was a second bowl of chili in my future. Then I did some more thinking. That's not how I lost weight. I lost almost 30 pounds last year by limiting myself to one serving. Yes, the food was good but I decided one bowl was enough. I'd get to eat again at my next meal. Another victory.
I can't tell you how great I feel this morning. I even got on the scale in the midst of my normal morning routine and although I was half asleep, I saw what I needed to see and I was happy.Thursday, February 24, 2011
WHO'S TALKING HERE
Yesterday started out pretty good and didn't end of too bad. Another old thing I was doing but had to start again was drinking more water. I'm still having a problem with it but trying to incorporate it into a daily routine by having a glass on my desk at work.
I'm still fighting through the dialogue in my head. The voices that say I want a snack and I want it now or why not just this one time? What sounds good to eat vs. what is good to eat. I know I want to lose and I know how to do it but just how badly or how urgent is that desire is what I need to clarify.
It's still early in this chapter after picking up this book again after it's been sitting on the shelf and I've got to be patient. I know it will come, it always does if I give myself enough time. I've just got to work through the boredom, the doubt and the reality of it all.
I'm still fighting through the dialogue in my head. The voices that say I want a snack and I want it now or why not just this one time? What sounds good to eat vs. what is good to eat. I know I want to lose and I know how to do it but just how badly or how urgent is that desire is what I need to clarify.
It's still early in this chapter after picking up this book again after it's been sitting on the shelf and I've got to be patient. I know it will come, it always does if I give myself enough time. I've just got to work through the boredom, the doubt and the reality of it all.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
WORKING ON IT
Yesterday was a pretty good day and today seems to be going even better. The difference between yesterday and today is that I'm more prepared.
I was my normal draggy self yesterday morning. I am truly one of those "NOT a morning person". At this point, I can't even tell you if I had breakfast or not ... I don't think so, because we didn't have much in the house as we hadn't been to the store for awhile. That meant I was also eating out at lunch or have no lunch and that wasn't going to happen. I did have a couple of gift certificates for Pita Pit and I had checked previously that their Turkey Pita fit into my plan.
I did get the munchies in the afternoon but had some pretzels and an apple available ... both a good healthy snack instead of a visit to the vending machine. These were left over from a lunch last week and I need to remember to have things like this on hand when the munchies strike.
Tuesday is on the schedule to hit the gym after work and I did my 15 minutes on the bike and then W2D3 of my C25K training. It moved along quite well as I alternated the running and walking. My big thing is keeping my eyes off the time. I'm sure it's a boredom thing. There is a small running track at the community center where I go to work out, so when I was finished on the treadmill, I wanted to see what real running was like. It was like ..... geez, I'm so tired. To do a mile you have to run 24 laps ... like I said, it's small. Well, I did run 2 laps as I was just trying out the sensation of regular running and maybe I'll add a lap every once in awhile. At least I tried and wasn't procrastinating because of fear or excuses.
Gary went to the grocery yesterday so I had my normal breakfast of my favorite cereal and a Smart Ones to bring for lunch so that's why I am better prepared today. It will be chicken for dinner tonight and my day is completely laid out for me. I will think when the munchies hit, if they do, and I will try to stay busy. There's always more to do than I realize ... so I need to start focusing.
IT WILL BE A GOOD DAY
I was my normal draggy self yesterday morning. I am truly one of those "NOT a morning person". At this point, I can't even tell you if I had breakfast or not ... I don't think so, because we didn't have much in the house as we hadn't been to the store for awhile. That meant I was also eating out at lunch or have no lunch and that wasn't going to happen. I did have a couple of gift certificates for Pita Pit and I had checked previously that their Turkey Pita fit into my plan.
I did get the munchies in the afternoon but had some pretzels and an apple available ... both a good healthy snack instead of a visit to the vending machine. These were left over from a lunch last week and I need to remember to have things like this on hand when the munchies strike.
Tuesday is on the schedule to hit the gym after work and I did my 15 minutes on the bike and then W2D3 of my C25K training. It moved along quite well as I alternated the running and walking. My big thing is keeping my eyes off the time. I'm sure it's a boredom thing. There is a small running track at the community center where I go to work out, so when I was finished on the treadmill, I wanted to see what real running was like. It was like ..... geez, I'm so tired. To do a mile you have to run 24 laps ... like I said, it's small. Well, I did run 2 laps as I was just trying out the sensation of regular running and maybe I'll add a lap every once in awhile. At least I tried and wasn't procrastinating because of fear or excuses.
Gary went to the grocery yesterday so I had my normal breakfast of my favorite cereal and a Smart Ones to bring for lunch so that's why I am better prepared today. It will be chicken for dinner tonight and my day is completely laid out for me. I will think when the munchies hit, if they do, and I will try to stay busy. There's always more to do than I realize ... so I need to start focusing.
IT WILL BE A GOOD DAY
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