I purposely didn't post yesterday. Alot went on over the weekend that I could have written about. As I think back to Sunday night, I was even composing the details for what I was going to write in my head. However, when I got up yesterday morning, as I do every Monday morning, I got on the scale and that changed everything. Last week was pretty challenging for me. There were emotions out of whack, a birthday to celebrate, issues at work, events surrounded by food but even though I was struggling, I felt I was pushing through and making progress. I even weighed myself to keep my goals in front of me, not everyday but more than I had in the past. On Saturday I was down more than a smidgen which helped me stay focused when we were at friends on Saturday night for a big Italian dinner with all the trimmings and movie night with free reign of movie candy being passed around.
But yesterday when I saw a 2# gain ... well, things changed. That was a swing of four pounds from Saturday. How did that happen? As I walked out the door yesterday morning, I heard the words "don't get depressed". Gary knows me well. I guess living with me for almost 42 years gives him some clues. I had to do what I needed to do to not fall back into the trap of despair that I fought so hard to dig out of last week. I knew if I posted it would be negative which would just feed the blues and turn into something much more demoralizing. If I would not think about my weight ... either good or bad, I might just stay grounded. I'd take my medicine when the time came but for now it was just going to be another day. A day that I'd try to do the best I could.
Of course since I'm writing today, you know how the weigh-in turned out. I had a good loss. I don't know if our scale needs a new battery, or what the deal was but I know I could have set myself up for a self-fulfilling prophecy with words if I had choose to post yesterday. There's an old childhood adiom "Stick and Stones" saying words shouldn't hurt but unfortunately they do, especially if they come out of your own mouth or maybe even more ... are there in black and white. I want to say that I'm done with all the negative talk, negative thoughts, self-bashing, etc., but I'm sure that they're will be moments when I'm tested.
I searched online today for that playground quote and found a site that talked about the energy in your body. It was kinda hokey but maybe something to give a little thought to. It mentioned unlike a scrape or cut caused from "sticks n stones" you don't see physical evidence from words but the feeling of hurt is there ... like being kicked in the stomach or stabbed in the back or your heart is broken. The article said that you should use your hands to caress that part of your body and make it feel better like you would with a visible wound with a band-aid or a mother's kiss. Maybe ? ... Maybe Not? Is it worth a try? Maybe the next time I say I just can't ... I'll grab my head and rub my temples and tell myself anything is possible. Wonder what would happen if I put my hands on my hips?