Okay ?

Yesterday was an okay day. Maybe even considered a splurge day. I had lunch out and I did have some peanut butter crackers in the afternoon only because I was bored. I really need to bring in a stash for my desk instead of gazing into the vending machine or maybe just use a little willpower. Usually I don't feel a need to snack at work, so I forget about stocking a drawer with 100 calorie goodies or bringing some fruit in with me. We had dinner later than normal when Gary fixed a pork tenderloin and my points rounded out at the high end unlike the previous day.

Since the weather has been so nice the last few days (we set a record yesterday) I had mentioned when we left the gym on Tuesday night that I would like to take an evening stroll the next night. Because of a late dinner and a little laziness on my part that walk never materialized. I've been waiting and waiting for the weather to get nice so we could take some long walks on off-gym days and when I got my wish, I let it pass me by. A plan doesn't work until you put it in action. I think we're finally in the routine of going the gym three days a week, now I've just got to get in the habit of walking on the off days.

On Target

Yesterday was an average day but a good day. I ate according to plan. We had set Tuesday as a gym day and while I was a little bushed when I got home, I still went and was energized. About the only thing to write was that I thought I could have a snack of some popcorn while watching Biggest Loser and when I finally was going to get up to make it after the show, decided that 9:30 was too late for that to sit in my stomach overnight. Guess that might be a victory.

Words

I purposely didn't post yesterday. Alot went on over the weekend that I could have written about. As I think back to Sunday night, I was even composing the details for what I was going to write in my head. However, when I got up yesterday morning, as I do every Monday morning, I got on the scale and that changed everything. Last week was pretty challenging for me. There were emotions out of whack, a birthday to celebrate, issues at work, events surrounded by food but even though I was struggling, I felt I was pushing through and making progress. I even weighed myself to keep my goals in front of me, not everyday but more than I had in the past. On Saturday I was down more than a smidgen which helped me stay focused when we were at friends on Saturday night for a big Italian dinner with all the trimmings and movie night with free reign of movie candy being passed around.

But yesterday when I saw a 2# gain ... well, things changed. That was a swing of four pounds from Saturday. How did that happen? As I walked out the door yesterday morning, I heard the words "don't get depressed". Gary knows me well. I guess living with me for almost 42 years gives him some clues. I had to do what I needed to do to not fall back into the trap of despair that I fought so hard to dig out of last week. I knew if I posted it would be negative which would just feed the blues and turn into something much more demoralizing. If I would not think about my weight ... either good or bad, I might just stay grounded. I'd take my medicine when the time came but for now it was just going to be another day. A day that I'd try to do the best I could.

Of course since I'm writing today, you know how the weigh-in turned out. I had a good loss. I don't know if our scale needs a new battery, or what the deal was but I know I could have set myself up for a self-fulfilling prophecy with words if I had choose to post yesterday. There's an old childhood adiom "Stick and Stones" saying words shouldn't hurt but unfortunately they do, especially if they come out of your own mouth or maybe even more ... are there in black and white. I want to say that I'm done with all the negative talk, negative thoughts, self-bashing, etc., but I'm sure that they're will be moments when I'm tested.

I searched online today for that playground quote and found a site that talked about the energy in your body. It was kinda hokey but maybe something to give a little thought to. It mentioned unlike a scrape or cut caused from "sticks n stones" you don't see physical evidence from words but the feeling of hurt is there ... like being kicked in the stomach or stabbed in the back or your heart is broken. The article said that you should use your hands to caress that part of your body and make it feel better like you would with a visible wound with a band-aid or a mother's kiss. Maybe ? ... Maybe Not? Is it worth a try? Maybe the next time I say I just can't ... I'll grab my head and rub my temples and tell myself anything is possible. Wonder what would happen if I put my hands on my hips?

TGIF

Yay! I'm ready for the weekend but it's going to be a busy one.

Yesterday went well. Quieter than I like and pretty boring come to think about it but okay. I could have made more out of it, I guess ... but again my choice.

Mind VS Body

While at lunch last Monday, one of the ladies asked if anyone had heard of the Paleo Diet. She went on to explain that this diet is a wheat-free, starch-free, gluten-free, dairy-free and legume-free diet. Joyce's daughter's MIL has been on it for a couple of years and has found alot of success. It's also know as the Caveman diet or hunt and gather diet. Lots of protein, vegetables and fruits, along with some nuts but none of the things first mentioned.

You can see how restrictive it is. I'm thinking that if you have enough discipline that you can stick to this diet, why can't you just use that discipline and eat normally but moderately. Many say it's better for the body to eat clean or healthy and the body will crave the "good foods".

I applaud the people that can stick to that type of regimen but I don't think what my body wants is the problem, it's what is in my head.

There are some things that I haven't had in eight days. Candy, hot bread or rolls (the only bread I have is in a sandwich), potato chips, donuts. Why ... because they are items I gave up for lent. It's been tough, especially the potato chips because on two occasions over the weekend, I've had them sitting in front of me when I've ordered a sandwich. I stood in front of the vending machine yesterday in a moment of weakness but was avoiding the candy and chips at all costs. The breadsticks Gary ordered the other night were calling to me but there was no way I was going to touch them. I don't know why but I didn't just give up just one thing for Lent, I gave up several but I'm okay with that. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for Jesus who make such a huge sacrifice for me. If I give in, it would definitely sadden my heart.

So if I can do that for six weeks, why can't my brain cooperate with an occasional restriction to put me in a better position on weigh-in day? I'm beginning to think it's all in the way it's perceived. Am I thinking it's a permanent deprivation concept instead of a temporary one? Never having something is permanent but doing without something occasionally cannot be considered being deprived. We've got to change the message, at least I do.

Happy Birthday Gary

Yesterday was Gary's birthday. No big celebration was planned. Just a quiet evening. The last few years I haven't know what to get him. I picked up a "Tall Ships" book at an antique store over the weekend and he seemed to think it was a perfect gift.

We had planned on going to the gym and then to Jockomo's for dinner but only half of that happened. We will be going to the gym tonight.

I can't seem to get away from the daily annoyances but that's life. It does appear that I am handling them better though. At least I didn't have strangers yelling at me. I know it was intimidation but knowing doesn't always make it easier.

I've stayed off the scale purposely but think I need to start weighing daily to avoid the uncertainties that are rumbling around in my head. New motto ... face it and move on.

Synopsis

Weigh In -- Gained 2 1/2 pounds

Emotion -- Disappointment

Attitude -- Let it Go and Move On

Quote -- Life is what happens when you're busy making plans.

Solution -- I may be trying too hard with too much focus on the wrong goal which means when things don't go the way I want them to go, I fall ... I fall very hard. I need to look for a different way to play the game. Not sure what kind of results I'll get, but I hope I can deal with it better than I have.

Out of Sorts

It's Monday and I have a cloud hanging over my head. I had hoped when I got on the scale this morning to see at the very worse no movement. Honestly, I have been aware of what I have eaten over the past two weeks and I truly thought that I could fulfill my mission to not have gained while traveling. I said "NO" many times and avoided many pitfalls that I have experienced in the past. I even tried to keep to my exercise schedule working out in hotel workout rooms. I did allow myself some things I could have probably avoided but thought this would just be the times I ate normally and would maintain ... guess I was wrong. The scale reported a two pound gain. I know that some of that can be voided out before I actually step on the TOPS scale tonight but am afraid not enough. I have already had two disappointments at work this morning where it's apparent that I screwed up due to not understanding what was conveyed ... my fault/their fault ... who knows, so Monday is not starting off to be a good day. I am also faced with a company celebration luncheon at Fogo. Today is just not looking good. It's going to take all I have in me not to give up ... or even stop until the next time. I'm not sure I have it 100% in me to persevere. I know each day I have a new chance to start over and I want to say that'll be tomorrow. However, I have let too many tomorrows slip by. I keep asking myself, what am I going to do, what am I going to be faced with? So unsure ... so down. But what choice do I have. I'll face the music and rewrite what I need to make this work.

Smooth Skating ? ? ?

Last night we went to our grandchildren's school skating party. Before we got there, I kept having flashbacks of the times we took Stephanie and Erick to their skating parties and even attending my own when I was in grade school. I wondered if it would be as much fun as it was then and if I would skate around the rink with the breeze in my hair or end up sitting on the floor. I was surprised that after awhile I had my balance with the occasional wobble. I did end up on the floor a couple of times but it was due to avoiding some little ones falling in front of me. All in all it was a fun evening and I think a little bit of exercise too. I'm a little sore but I think it's from my bruises and not overworked muscles

I haven't been on the scales for over a week and am curious where I am. However, I'm totally fearful to get on them in the fragile mood I've been in this week. I'm thinking that if I stay off of them, even though I feel like I've gained, I'll be more vigilant to turn things around thinking that there's hope, rather than getting on the scales, seeing a gain and not knowing if I can reduce the number before weighing in on Monday. Also I guess there's a chance that just because I've felt bloated, bigger and blah all week maybe I haven't gained at all and if I weigh myself and see a loss, I'll loosen the reins and that can be dangerous if I'm away this weekend. Guess I just need to hold steady.

Status

I'm still here. I'm doing okay.

My schedule is a little screwy with the traveling. Since I exercised at the hotel we were staying at on Monday, I went to the gym last night. I had no trouble on the bike, but it was all I could do to do a mile on the treadmill.

I'm hoping I can get to the gym tomorrow before I head off on a Girl's Get Away weekend, so that I can get my three session in this week. That's important to me. I wasn't counting on working tomorrow but my boss is coming back early.

Going to get some exercise tonight by going to Jacob and Gracie's school skating party. It's been years since I was on roller skates, but I remember it being fun.