I'm Exhausted

We've spent the last few days watching two of our grandkids and making sure they had as much fun as their mom and dad were having in Florida. Jacob and Gracie were on Fall Break Thursday and Friday so he headed to Cincinnati. Our first day we hit the Aquarium which is actually across the Ohio River in Kentucky. It was a fun time and they had many individual exhibits. Here I'm looking at a giant octopus.

We stopped for lunch before we got to the Aquarium, so I had no problem with my choice, although I was tempted while others had frostys. No, actually I wasn't ... sweets don't seem to bother me.

After the aquarium we went back to the hotel and had fun in the pool. In the past, I wouldn't have even put on a swimsuit but it was different this time. It did help that we had the pool to ourselves. I actually did a few laps in the pool.

Friday the Children's Museum was on our schedule. The hotel offered breakfast but the choices for me were slim to none. I ended up with a banana. Here I'm sitting in "The Woods" while the kids played.

We had a fun time and I tried to choose wisely, we'll see what happens tonight.

What I Learned

Wow was yesterday ever busy. That's my kind of day. I can stay out of trouble on busy days. My emotions don't have time to creep in and make me question ... well, anything.

I missed lunch yesterday but I didn't have hunger pangs or think it was time to eat because of the clock. My boss said he was leaving at 1:30 and needed something completed for his signature before he left. I was happy to adhere my schedule to get this done especially when I knew I would be out the rest of the week. It was 2:00 when I would have been able to go out and get a quick bite as I forgot to bring anything to eat at my desk from home. I knew we would be eating an early dinner so since I wasn't really hungry thought I just grab some pnut butter crackers from the vending machine to tide me over. I couldn't believe that the package of crackers had more points than what I would have eaten if I had brought my "Smart Ones" from home. I learned vending machines don't contain good lunch options.

I also learned that I treated eating the crackers as a snack as not a meal. Meaning that I continued to work at my desk and didn't pay that much attention to what I was eating. One minute there was a full package and the next, there was only one cracker left and I didn't remember those inbetween. I learned that when I eat a meal I am more conscious of what I'm eating. I can also say I am more satisfied and think I enjoy what I had just consumed more. How many times do you eat something and not even remember how it tasted?

Nothing much happened yesterday but even at that ... there are still things we can learn every day.

No Movement

Yesterday, I carried on like any normal day. The exception is on Monday I always get on the scales when I first get up to see where I am to prepare me for my Monday evening weigh-ins. I have eliminated the every day scale hopping. It was pretty weird when I got on, I immediately saw the number from the week previously but in the blink of an eye, it went up two pounds. What do you do then? You get off and get back on ... right? Well I did that (a couple of times) and the number remained at the higher weight. The most defeating picture that kept replaying in my mind was that I was no longer in the '70's decade. That was the crushing thing ... but like I started this entry, I went along with normalcy. I was going to have acceptance for whatever happened on the scales at my meeting. This time, I chose to look at the big picture. The total pounds that I had taken off ... not just one weeks worth. It's important to make that purse out of a sow's ear, to see the rainbow, and whatever other positive thing that comes to mind. I had already said I wasn't giving up and I meant it. I wasn't going to go out at lunch and eat what I wanted just because I knew I had a gain. I let that mentality go a long time away.

I reread my posts from last week and it was full of struggle and doubt. I tried to stay positive but it was hard. I stumbled too many times but while I was slow getting up, I did get up. I have no idea as to what is going on ... but I know I have to get past it. I do too much comparing myself to others. It's easy when you are reading other blogs to wish you had their confidence, their results, their support, their dedication, etc., but it is not about them, it's about me and I need to take the inspiration in and leave the comparison behind. We are all different, we have different body chemistry, we have different body shapes, we have different family genes. Everyone says to be honest in your blogs. It's hard when you see defects or shortcomings in yourself but maybe it is something you should admit so you can face it and move on or do something to change things. I'll admit jealousy is rearing its ugly head. I'm embarrassed about it and it's hard to acknowledge that I'm that vain. I really don't think of myself as that type of person but why does it bother me that I want to be a couple of sizes smaller just because someone else my same weight is, but here I am wearing the same size that I wore when I started. I just need to realize that perhaps that person carries their weight differently ... I want to get the compliments others are getting, and actually to be truthful, I am, but maybe just not by the group of people I want to hear them from. I want loads and loads of support and again what's wrong with the support I'm getting, my support seem to be on a more personal level and I've made some friends with those I have supporting me. I may also need to ask myself an important question .. am I giving it back? It's so true ... it helps to write it out. Don't abandon your blogs, especially if you are struggling. Write a little something every day even if it's only a sentence or two long, especially about what you're feeling. It may bring to light something you need to realize or something that you really need to work on.

I'm sorry but I cried wolf again and I see that it is a negative thing and I need to get away from the negatives, so I will no longer write about my feelings of anxiety of the scale for my Monday weigh-in. For the most part it proves that I am putting the cart in front of the horse and worrying unnecessarily. I will not make predictions. I will wait to have solid concrete evidence. Last night I didn't lose but I didn't gain and I'm still in the '70's, so I'll take what I learned from that and turn it into something positive.

That's All I've Got

If we could have do-over's, I'd certainly be changing some things from over the weekend. I know that I will pay for them as I look back. A loss isn't guaranteed by Zumba, a charity walk or hitting the gym doing the week. I'm thinking what goes in your mouth dominates.

It absolutely boggles my mind how I can turn away from things that always has been such a strong temptation in the past like hot rolls and butter and desserts but yet collapse over a tub of movie popcorn or because I wanted soup one night and didn't get it ... that I choose it the next two nights along with my meal.

I didn't think I was that far off plan, but like I said, going over things I can see why I will have no excuse for what I am facing. Since there are NO do-overs, all I can do is accept and continue. If I've learned anything ... it's that I've got a long ways to go.

Anything Is Worth A Try

A couple of years ago right after the decline in the economy, the company I work for was no different than any other company in that they were trimming their budget. They suggested a voluntary hour reduction among the staff to help save jobs. One of the positions that were up for elimination was the person I supervise, so I had a personal interest. I could only afford to reduce my pay by four hours a week and I thought once I went to the trouble of getting up, getting ready and making it to the office, I might as well stay there. In my opinion, only working a half day would be such a waste, but I decided to give it a go. So many times we think things won’t work or we won’t like something, so we don’t even try. I’m glad I tried. I love my Friday afternoons off. I can’t believe what I can accomplish in those four hours if I try and it ends up giving me a little more leisure time for the weekend if I need it. It took a little adjustment but it’s worth it. Just like this change in lifestyle I’m walking through now with my weight.

I did another walk-in class at Zumba yesterday. I’m still lost at some of the steps with the unfamiliar music selections but I’m still moving and still sweating so I know it’s beneficial. It was a bit different yesterday though. About half way through the class, I felt very light headed, and a little dizzy. I didn’t know what to do. My first thought was to quit and I turned around and walked away. Then something in me wouldn’t let me do that. I got a drink of water and went back. I don’t know if that was wise or not. I continued but at times had to stop and take a minute or two until the sensation passed. I was fine after class. I guess I need to ask my Zumba Officiato if I need to eat some protein or carbs or whatever … right before the class. I had a good lunch with protein and veggies but maybe I needed more or maybe I needed more water???

Last night we went to a high school football and since we went there immediately after my class we didn’t eat dinner until very late. Is that really a bad thing or is it an old wives tale. I tried to stay up for a little while before going to bed but all I did was sit in a chair until I made my way upstairs. I just wasn’t into doing jumping jacks or sit-ups at 10:00, but maybe I should have. A guy in the stands next to us had on an interesting T-Shirt. The message was something to think about.

I've Got A Couple of Questions

Earlier in the week when I had my meltdown, Stephanie got me thinking about a lot of things. Some were questions I had to answer to keep myself on this journey and others just bought to mind some things that have happened over the years.

She talked about when she went to TOPS with me when she was in 8th grade and how she wouldn't eat lunch on Mondays because that was weigh-in day. Where did she get that kind of thinking ... from me of course. That was my method and who did I learn that from ... would you believe, my mother, maybe? Right before I joined TOPS when I was first married, my mother was successful with her weight loss, so why not do what she did, huh? I remember with my mom, we would weigh in and since we had about 45 minutes before the meeting started, we would go to a cafeteria that was close-by for dinner, which on more occasions than none, including a piece of pie or some kind of dessert. That as Stephanie put it, seems so "ridiculous" now, but back then it was just the way it was and maybe it even worked. Guess I never really thought about ... if I just ate the same kind of meals and that plural meals on Monday that week after week the end result would be the same if I was consistent with the rest of the week, it really wouldn't have any bearing on the overall picture ... I would only be kidding myself if I fasted because I ate half a pizza the night before. That half a pizza is eventually going to show up. The same with gripping about my weigh-ins being on Monday. Does the day really make any difference? No matter where you start, it's always seven days apart. Yes, I normally eat more on the weekend because of group activities but because of what I choose to do earlier in the week with maybe more exercise on the weekend, it should balance out ... right? Guess I've learned over the years there might be a better way because I now have both breakfast and lunch on Monday. I still eat out after I weigh in at TOPS, but it's after the meeting with some other members and part of the reason is because I come straight from work and our meeting isn't over until 7:30 p.m. and I still have a 30-40 drive from there. I figure I still have to learn to eat in a social setting and I always eat the way I would if it were any other day of the week.

So ... I'm just wondering if anyone reading this gives themselves an "off" day ... perhaps the day after their weekly weigh-in. Be honest? If it works into your plan, it works into your plan. I'm also wondering if you have any consistency in meals during the week like Monday is meatloaf night, Tuesday is Tuna Casserole night, etc. I find myself now taking my lunch and it consisting of a "Smart Ones" frozen dinner. It's easy, convenient and I'm satisfied knowing I only have to wait a few hours until I'll have something delish for dinner. When I find myself wanting to wander out for lunch, though, I know it's time to switch to leftovers, or a sandwich. We always have to be in touch with ourselves, right?

Have a great weekend!

One of Those Days

Yesterday was a normal day and I think we all could use more of those. I got up at the same time and went through the same routine until I got to the office. Things continue to be slow at work which makes for a long day.

I didn't waver from my plans to have the lunch I intended. I did do something a little different after I ate though and that was to head to the mall and do a little walking. I would have taken my walk outdoors but it was a little nippy and I didn't wear a coat to work, thinking I wouldn't need one. The mall is only a block away and I thought I could walk that distance without much discomfort. I hate being cold.

On the drive home from work, I thought about going to the gym but got too comfortable in front of the TV once I got home. Gary had made chili and it smelled wonderful as I walked in the door but it was a little too early for dinner. I think it's good practice for me to not pounce on food just cause it's there. I felt I overindulged with two bowls since I have been keeping my portions to one but it still worked into my plan as I had a "Smart Ones" for lunch keeping the points down. I also had an ice cream bar after dinner. It wasn't my usual one point fudgie as Gary had grabbed the wrong package while he was at the grocery. I guess I felt two more points wasn't awful, so I ate it anyway. I found though after eating it, I really wanted another one. I refrained but did end up picking up three dark chocolate kisses as I passed the candy dish later.

I fell asleep while Survivor was on and woke up a couple of hours later. I really felt like I was drugged. Was is the lack of activity, the extra bowl of chili, the chocolate, just having a lazy evening? I don't know ... I'll just chalk it up one of those days when you win some and you lose some. It wasn't all that bad ... it could have been better and tomorrow is a brand new day.

Something that did put a smile on my face (and we need more of those) was something that a fellow blogger (and now friend) put on her blog. It's 45 lessons you can learn. Check it out at on Bernice's Final Destination Healthy site