He clarified the goal

This will be a short post. I'm doing this on my Kindle in the car and it's painfully slow ... just like seeing results when you're dieting ... but I'll get there. I had my physical this morning and the doc did say he was very pleased with my weight loss and congratulated me and said he knew it wasn't an easy thing to accomplish. He asked how much I weighed when I got married. I said there was no way I could get to that weight. I think I was at 128. He said 150 to 155 would be good. I guess I now have a goal. Before seeinng him I thought I would continue losing until I really struggled and I would take that as my cue that was my ideal weight. Maybe that'd be too easy or turn out to be a copout. So whatever .. it's still one pound at a time.

Try, Try Again

My weigh-in last night showed me with a gain of one pound. My last gain was in August. I'm over it and ready to move forward. Lots of activities in the weeks ahead. In about 1/2 hour my department at work will be celebrating my birthday. I tried to get out of this by not being here on Friday but they moved it until today. I told the gal who has my name that I didn't want a dessert, she said something about fruit, so we'll see. I would have been happy with only my office decorated, but they didn't even do that ... that's okay, it nothing special anyway ... YES, it is. Just because I'm 61 doesn't mean that I'm not still like a kid excited about her birthday.

I have my annual physical tomorrow and I know the doc will probably say something. He's not one of those that only lectures you when you need to lose and doesn't say anything when you do. I'm sure he'll be happy about my weight and hopefully it will reflect in my bloodwork.

After the doctor, we will be on the road. Going to get away for a few days to celebrate my birthday. Like I did before, I plan on hitting the gym everyday while we're there and choose wisely at the buffet. I did it before. I'm getting in the right mindset to do it again.

The big problem that faces me is that I will not be weighing in for the next three to four weeks as we will be traveling every weekend, including Mondays between now and then and I won't be making my TOPS meetings. I will be using my home scales to be accountable and hopefully go back to TOPS with a loss.

The Fire's Out

I struggled all weekend and that's about it. I'm very emotional like it used to be with PMS. There's always tomorrow but I seem to be walking such a fine line with so much ahead of me. Faking it until I make it seemed to backfire this time but we'll see what happens.

I Feel Better Now

I have this thing for a good hot dog. I especially like the ones that snap when you bite into them, but can't seem to find any here in Indy. On my way to work this week, I notice a place called "American Hot Dog Company" was now open. I talked to Gary about it and we decided to go there for lunch yesterday since I get off at noon on Fridays. I knew I could work it into my plan. When we got there, we found out that it was just a drive thru place and not what I envisioned and we decided not to have lunch there. There was a place close by that we had never eaten before and I suggested it. It was just a mom and pop type restaurant with the typical fare of sandwiches, salads, fries, etc., I immediately gravitated to the grilled pork tenderloin. I had one a couple of weeks ago and it was pretty good. What did I order? Breaded Tenderloin, fries and cole slaw. I couldn't believe that came out of my mouth ... but it didn't stop me from eating it. What was going on? Was I disappointed I didn't get the hot dog I had been thinking about all week, so I was out to ... I don't know ... get some kind of satisfaction? Was I binging? I had been reading so many blogs about that lately. I came home and did a couple of things around the house. I really needed to pick up some things at Target but I was really procrastinating. Hmmmm, I thought maybe if I went shopping and tried some things on to see the new me, I might perk up. I mentioned it to Gary. He said give me 30 minutes, I'm going to lie down for a while. What did that mean, was he going to go with me? Did he want me to wait until I went by myself. We actually do enjoy spending time together and my mood wasn't that great ... so I just sat. It was getting closer and closer to 5:45. That's the time the Zumba class starts at the rec center. Was I going ??? naw, I wasn't ... but I've been going when we didn't have anything to do ... I'd better go ... but I said something about going shopping. Gary had been downstairs now for awhile but I was just sitting. In tears, I finally said did you want to go shopping with me .... my emotions let go. I should have gone to Zumba, why am I in this destructive zone? I wasn't in the mood to shop, but maybe if I went ... my mood would improve. We headed out and I roamed around a couple of department stores in a fog. Maybe I was waiting for Stacey and Clinton to jump out and say "Try This On". Finally I said something to Gary and he said I'm Not Saying Anything ... but then did start looking at things on the racks and picked out something for me to try on. It was a pant suit that had a jacket that was belted. It would show a defined waist. Something that I was looking for to show there was a change in my body. The thing is there wasn't anything smaller than a 16 (the size I have been wearing since I started this journey). Surely after 30 pounds I am a smaller size. I tried it on. It fit ... all this effort and I'm still wearing the same size. Yes, the waist, hips and thighs were loose, but a smaller size and it would have been too tight. It looked nice and Gary bought it for me for the birthday which is next week. Is that's what's bothering me or is it just a combination of crummy attitude.

I got up this morning and did a stupid thing. I got on the scale and it was up 2#'s. I don't usually weigh on a Saturday because we have rice on Friday and I know that tends to make me hold water but there was something in me that made me think damage had been done and I wanted to see how much ... that's really crazy because I had been doing great all week but you know how the mind works. Maybe it was a good thing after all as I decided I was going to head to the rec center. There was a Zumba class at 9:00. I hoped it wouldn't be full and they told me it wasn't, so I paid my $5 walk in fee. The class was packed. The class had many people my age and while I sweated and felt I had a good workout, I think this must have been a beginner's class because it wasn't as intense. I'm glad I went and the clouds are lifting. I have two parties today and we have our first Thanksgiving dinner to celebrate tomorrow and I am not going to throw in the towel. I can't ... I just can't.

TGIF

Here it is Friday again and I'm tired. It was a late night last night and from 7:00 a.m. until 9:30 p.m. in heels wore me out -- but my calves look good. Yep, I walked at the mall on my lunch hour like I had planned, doing a little window shopping and people watching as I went along. We had an event to go to last night and it was rush home, pick up Gary and we were off. A new Performing Arts Building in the area is opening in January and they had a "Tuning Of the Hall" last night. Several music jaundras are playing between now and then to help adjust and tweak the sound and acoustics. Our nephew plays in a Billy Joel tribute band and they were fortunate to be the first group to play inside this building prior to opening to the public in January. As the evening went on, they sounded really good.

Yesterday I failed to eat breakfast. Did you hear there's a new study out where they're questioning eating breakfast if you're not hungry. I still think you need it, but no cereal in the cupboard and no time for much else and my usually rush, rush, rush in the morning made me do without. I just had a "Smart Ones" at lunch and 1/2 sandwich and soup for dinner before the show, so I believe my points were on the low side yesterday or would have been if I hadn't got into the nuts when I got home. Nuts are one of those things that I play over in my head as a good nutritious snack full of protein. It gives me the false feeling of security. I need to remember you can get too much of a good thing. But, they're gone now and there won't be any in the house until our next party which is our annual Reunion Committee Christmas party on December 11.

This weekend is packed with activities. That being said I know there will be food temptations but I feel I'm far enough into my program that I am confident that I know how to handle them. I will continue to fill up on water and use portion control, if I feel myself wavering.

It's Just Not Me

Okay trying to get back on schedule here but since I wrote last night, this will be a short post.

I think I mentioned I'm not a morning person and I also tend to lose things. Personalities can't be changed but what we do can. It's called discipline and I need some. This morning I made two extra trips upstairs because I had planned to work out on my lunchhour and had my bag with my workout clothes ready but I needed socks. After I rushed upstairs to get them and back down to put them in my bag, I remembered I took my shoes off upstairs and had to retrace my steps back upstairs to get them. Don't shoes and socks always go together ... why two trips? I rushed out the door which is par for the course and got about half way to work and at a stoplight got this strange feeling. I looked over my shoulder into the back seat and guess what WASN'T there. Yep, you guessed it ... my bag with my workout clothes. Well guess what I'm not doing on my lunchhour? REALLY, you think forgetting my clothes will keep me from a little exercise? I will be mall walking ... yep, in heels. At least it will tone my calves. What I'm not doing is overeating. Have a good day everyone.

Out of Sorts

My blog timing is all out of whack. I usually blog in the morning and report on my previous day. Sometimes I'd do this before I leave for work in the morning, at morning break or the latest on my lunch hour. Since the weekend my schedule is all screwed up. Does it make any difference ... surely not but I don't like getting out of the habit of doing something because when you get out of the habit things start to slide. How many time have you started a exercise regimen and took a day off for no good reason, saying I'll do it tomorrow. Same thing with falling off the wagon and saying I'll start again tomorrow and for some reason tomorrow never comes. It seems like it takes a lot longer to get back to a habit than it does creating that habit. Gary is gone this evening so I'm alone and now is a good time for me to write a little until I get back on schedule tomorrow.

There is really nothing different going on in my life to write about but I think it's important to check in at least five times a week ... I would like to check in on all seven days but weekends can some times be challenging.

I came home from work tonight, changed clothes and headed to the gym. I was hoping to exercise at work but my day didn't start on the right foot. I overslept (first time I've done that in years) and rushed out of the house, leaving some important bills that needed to be put in the mail today so I had Gary meet me for lunch and there went my workout time. I had a good workout at the gym tonight though and the machines said that I burned 500 calories. Mmmmm, 500 huh? There's still a bowl of halloween candy on the table in the entryway. Are you kidding me ... I'd rather have a glass of milk with my chili or some crackers in it.

Okay, that it ... oh, maybe not. I'm busy at work with Christmas party prep. We're going to play a family feud game and I need some questions answered to get a consensus. You know where they say "100 people were surveyed". Well I need 100 people. If you're interested email me at the email address in the sidebar. You and 20 of your closest friends :) Thanks.