Paying the Price

After my weigh-in last week, I tried to be careful and make wise choices. Gary made homemade spaghetti and meatballs one night last week and I limited my portions. It was really, really good and I wanted to go back for seconds but I resisted, thinking I'd have my seconds for lunch the next day.

I made it up to running 8 minutes on the treadmill but then the mind started its dialogue and I wasn't able to get the second eight minutes in, so I spent 10 minutes on the bicycle trying to build up some endurance.

I was in check all week and when we had dinner after the gym on Thursday, we started talking about nothing on our calendar for the weekend and maybe this was a good time to make one of our county trips. Three years ago when Gary retired we decided to go on the adventure of visiting all 92 counties in Indiana and learning a little about its history. We knew it would take a decade or more to do this ... but it was to be an adventure. We ended up going to Porter County and stayed in a B&B and had a great time exploring. Some of the things we discovered was really good food. Again, I tried to be vigilant but fell short at times like when a gourmet breakfast was set in front of me or going to a great Italian restaurant the innkeeper recommended.

It could have been worse as it could have been better if I would have resisted but when I stepped on the scale last night I was relieved to see the weight to be the same as last week. I would have been happier to see a loss but I feel I really didn't deserve anything but what I saw.

NEXT . . .

I weighed in on Monday and my prediction wasn't that far off. I had gained
4 3/4# since my absence for vacation. I don't know why I felt the need but I started looking back over some numbers and stats going back to my heaviest weight of 206 in November of 2009. Maybe I wanted to remind myself that I haven't been the victim of gaining it ALL back, although I did hate not being able to say that I lost 30# or even 25# like I once boasted proudly. Both of those sound like a truly great accomplishment but so does 23 1/4# .... that's what I'm down and I'm not ready to give it back. It's not that far off from 25 or 30 and I will attain that again and more.

The numbers can serve as whatever you want to make of them ... good results, slow progress, troubled months, I'm pushing all the negatives aside and starting the next chapter or next phase. I believe that this is only going to be a 2-act play and now that I'm back from intermission the real story will unfold along with a happily ever after ending.

In the last couple of days, I feel I'm already forming good habits of taking my lunch, drinking my water and eating good and healthy snacks. I also plan to hit the gym on a regular basis and last night I pushed through my mental block of not being able to complete three five-minute intervals of running. I knew all along it was something I could do and something I needed to prove to myself. Tomorrow is 2 eight-minute intervals. Sounds tough but doable. I'll also take a peak at the scales tomorrow morning and hope to be back in the '70's which will give me a boost and perhaps bring me back to that quarter century loss.

Call FEMA, There's Been a Diaster

I knew it had been awhile but didn't think it had been over a month since I last blogged. I thought a few times about starting it back up but just had no motivation to write. It was just like the lack of motivation I had to get serious about this weight loss journey I was on. I am only half way to my destination, but it seemed like I settled into a dark dreary ghost town and I didn't know or my attitude didn't care which way to move on out. It was like I was content to be where I was ... that was ... that was, until this morning when I got on the scale.

Since my last day of blogging, I have been on two trips. I got through the first one in pretty good shape and even exercised. The second trip which was just over two weeks ago came with a different ending, although the night of our first stop I did pay a visit to the hotel gym. However, I gave myself some whimpy excuse saying I can't do this, meaning I won't do this and set some sort of record for the shortest time on a treadmill. I didn't see a treadmill or any other type of exercise equipment until I returned home.

I had this false impression that with all the walking we were doing I was burning calories like a stoked fire .... trouble is that I was drowning out the flames with all the wrong choices or too much of a good thing I was eating. I had fallen back into that false prophecy that hey, I'm on vacation ... well, you know the rest and what the results of that kind of thinking will get you.

We returned from vacation a week ago yesterday but because it was my wedding anniversary last Monday, I didn't go to my weigh-in ... we went out to dinner instead and the feasting and celebrating and literally TOO MUCH breaking of bread continued.

Did I get on the scale when we got home .... no!! I guess I was afraid or maybe I thought I had another week and all that bloat and heaviness I seemed to be feeling would go away. I think it was last Wednesday when I decided to face the music and saw ... well, since I jumped back off quickly, I don't quite remember but I know it was well over a 5# gain. How can anyone gain that much in ten days. To make it worse, my husband informed me that he had lost 2 pounds and I knew I didn't eat as much as he did. It wasn't fair and I tried to push it off that it wasn't entirely my fault .... YEAH, RIGHT! If you believe that, there's a course on denial, available somewhere.

I settled into my routine and had a good eating day but the next morning got up and saw the scale only go down a pound. I guess the results weren't "good enough" and just like when you think you aren't good enough the mind starts this crummy dialogue and the results aren't pretty and the number on the scale this morning wasn't either.

Enough is enough. The damage is done. The lesson is learned .... obviously, the hard way .... AGAIN. Maybe, I need a different approach. There are different ways to teach a subject. A method to make you understand more clearly and actually "get it" this time. All I know staying at home and pretending your sick and not studying isn't going to advance your knowledge any. I've got to listen, I've got to take notes, I've got to study and most of all I've got to care.

I do care. I can clean up after this disaster. Maybe with the help of some friends, after facing the scale tonight, I can push through all the debris and start a new and better way to get back on the right road with a bright future.

I tried to come up with an acronym for FEMA that is in the title of this post but all I could come up with were words for the first two letters ... FRIENDS EVERYWHERE ... can you come up with the last two?