Which Way?

I wasn’t able to blog yesterday and now it seems like I’ve been gone for a week or more. I know the importance of keeping this current for my own motivation. It's late but just like so much else in my life has become, it's worth the effort.

I’ve been feeling a little disconnected this week. Monday was a great day with another loss on the scale and I faced the fact that losing it slow was a GOOD thing. My productivity at work or the lack of it has started to bother me. I have this need in me that it's important to go through this life feeling that I have a purpose and lately at work, I feel like I’m just going through the motions and not contributing much. The economy and my boss’ accident and his not being in the office on a full time basis is the majority of the reason. I took a look at my vacation for the year and saw that I have 18 days left to take. That’s quite a bit to take in less than three months, so I thought I should take a look at the calendar and come up with a plan and hand in a time off request for the remainder of my vacation time. I had put this request on my boss’ desk Monday, with the next personal day I was taking to be Thursday (10/7). The time off did me a world of good. It renewed my spirit. We had no sets plans and ended up on the back roads of Kentucky enjoying the fall colors.

(Kentucky's fall folage)








Gary checked and we were able to get a free hotel night at Belterra on Wednesday. When I came home from work Wednesday, I threw some things in a bag and we took off. On the drive we talked about maybe going to a state park and doing some hiking or visiting some wineries. I got up yesterday morning and found that I failed to pack my tennis shoes, and all I had were the heels that I wore to work, so I knew hiking was out of the question.




(dressed for success maybe, but the feet weren't dressed for hiking)


Our route was very impromptu just using our GPS and it added to the excitement and adventure. We went through a lot of small towns and stopped and had lunch in a small Ohio River town at a place called “Big Daddy’s BBQ”. I needed to go to the bathroom but thought I could hold it when I saw a door that said “SOWS” … I’d rather be a “BORE” … there goes me and associating putting labels on people again.

We did end up visiting a couple of wineries and stayed off the interstate to soak up the local flavor. We had dinner at the oldest tavern in Indiana built in the mid 1800’s. It was a wonderful day and put me in a better frame of mind ready to hit it hard again. I may have done some damage earlier in the week but I know at this point nothing is irrepairable.




(Elk Ridge Winery and Vineyards in Kentucky)

Dress the Part

I have worked in an office most of my adult life. I have always dressed in business attire rather than casually. We do have casual day on the first Friday of the month and I also choose wisely on that day. I learned my lesson several years back when I choose to wear a cartoon character denim shirt and I was called in to notarize documents for a closing with our executives, as well as several bankers. I felt really out of place. I believe in the slogan "Dress for Success".

More now than ever, I think I should carry that philosophy into my personal life. They say that when you look good, you feel good. You have confidence and feel positive about yourself. I think sometimes we get too comfortable in our old clothes that we wore when we started out on this journey? Maybe I need to wear something a little more fashionable rather than sloppy sweats when I go grocery shopping , to a movie or out to eat. Would I feel better and hold my head higher? I know clothes are expensive and we go through transition sizes during our journey. What can we do? Perhaps there are clothes in the closet that are too small that I need to try on. I tried a resale shop a couple of weeks ago and the prices weren't too bad. Maybe I can suggest a clothing exchange at my TOPS meeting or is that going a bit too far? I think I need to take more time looking at my options of what I do have and how to make it a little more dressy. Maybe more accessories like jewelry or scarfs that could make an outfit pop? We all should remember that we're worth the time and effort it takes to make ourselves look as good as we can during our transformation. When wearing dark colors, I think it's wise to add a splash of color close to the face. Have you heard the expression “... she has such a pretty face”. All this talk about clothes that fit and are clean and well maintained go for guys too. Yes, there’s a place for those sweats and T-Shirts. One good place is the gym, or when you're spending time at home … but I think it's important to make yourself feel good when you’re out and about and dress the part of a confident person. I know this is just my opinion. Am I in the minority thinking this way?

Good News, Bad News, I Don't Think I Care Anymore

Last night was my TOPS meeting and weigh-in night. Again, I left home for work yesterday morning thinking I had a loss. I weighed myself again before I left the office still thinking I had a loss. Sometimes weighing on three different scales, you get confused (I am only this obsessive on weigh-in day). I have my weight written down for my "official" weights but at home and work I can never remember exactly what they said from the week before when it's so close and all three are different. Anway, at TOPS when the weight didn't move on the scale, as I stepped on, I knew I was home free. I had lost another 1 1/2# ... that oh familiar number that seems to appear the majority of the time .... YEAH for me! 1 1/2# has been the most I have lost in a week with the exception of the weigh-in after I started blogging in June when I lost 3# or when I went two weeks between weigh-ins because of being out of town.

That's where the "I don't think I care anymore" comes in. I used to get upset that my numbers weren't huge, especially following others that were losing much more, on a weekly basis. It also bothered me when I'd go to my TOPS meeting (where the person losing the most gets recognized) and thinking I did good ... but there was always someone that did better. It was the "Always the Bridesmaid, never the Bride" syndrome. Last night after coming in third, it hit me ... so what, I'm still doing this. I'm still losing. I've hit two goals that I really hadn't even mapped out. I've lost 10% of my highest bodyweight which I've read is very important to you body's wellbeing and future health and I also have lost that first 25#. Just like being individuals on different plans because no one plan works for everyone, losing week by week is pretty much a personal thing too. They say that goals are important and you should set specific goals not just vague ones like ... I want to lose weight. However, you've got to do what's best for you so my only goal is to lose a pound. Not a pound a week but to lose a pound ... the next pound. Right now, because of 1 1/2#'s being a consistent number, it may seem like it is a pound a week, but I'm just fighting for the next pound off and if that happens in one week with a half pound tagged on, that's great; but if it takes two weeks it shouldn't make a difference, it's eventually going to be another pound gone. One day I'm going to have my big day just like the "Bride" and I'll walk proudly in a stunning dress and there WILL be eyes on me, if only my own looking in a mirror.

Oh, you ask what the "Bad News" is ... looks like they may not be offering Zumba at my office anymore. This last session ended up with three people. In the past it's only been open to employees and now they're going to let friends and family participate but if the employee isn't going why would friends and family show up without them. I'll check out our community center ... but in the past only the early Saturday morning class has had room, but we'll see what happens.

Chilling

Yesterday was a pretty much an uneventful day. I slept late even though Gary woke me up when he got up at 7:30. I was able to go back to sleep, dreams some dreams and woke up at 9:00. They say getting enough sleep is good for those trying to lose weight so you do what you gotta do.

After church we fixed lunch. Gary said we had some hot dogs in the fridge and I thought well I could have a couple without bread and some fruit. I discovered they were fat free so that allowed me to have one on a bun with a side of fruit and I watch a little football before heading out for a walk. I decided to take my camera along with me and shoot some fall pictures.

It was a beautiful day for a walk with a chill in the air, although I found out that I wouldn't feel that crispness as I kept walking.

I noticed quite a few people were out decorating their yards but the leaves really hadn't really started to fall yet here in our part of the Midwest. So I 'll continue to take my camera with me on walks as that change progresses. Sometimes it just takes a while just like with our bodies. I enjoyed my walk taking notice of my surroundings and charted my route when I got home and it was another three miles plus.

(Here's a picture of our backyard -- I guess the leaves that have made it to the ground have landed in our yard ... I guess Gary will be getting some exercise this coming week)

The other event of the day was to do something that makes me feel younger and better about myself ... that being, it was time to get rid of the grey. I take after my mother in that my first grey hairs came in my 20's. It just seems to be at my roots though. Like I said previously you do what ya gotta do. I hope I did enough to see the scale give me good news at my meeting tonight.

Why Does It Bother Me

I love the weekends and being able to sleep in. I often think I should be living on the West Coast as my body seems to be in that time zone. Yesterday I got up early for the weekend at 7:30. I had heard there was rain in the forecast for the morning and hoped to get out to walk before it started. I spent too much time completing updates for my high school class blog. Each month, I send out emails to my fellow classmates, asking a series of questions for them to respond to and I put this up on a blog. It helps us get to know each other a little better and become better connected for our next reunion which will be in 2012. I started doing this after our reunion in 2002. I was afraid we weren’t going to have a reunion that year and got a committee together and those of us on the committee have been very close since then and we’re trying to keep the class together too. Anyway, I send individual emails and that takes awhile.

So anyway, time got away from me but I said I was going to walk, so I was going to walk. I headed out the door and guess what ….? I waited too long, it was raining. Mmm, I figured I could still walk, I had an umbrella so I dug it out of the car and headed out. It wasn’t a major thunderstorm, it was just one of those going to be one of those long, steady rains that hang around all day. I didn’t go quite as far as I had planned which was to a resale shop. I stopped at the major highway as the traffic was pretty busy and it was raining and I didn’t want to maneuver thru all the vehicles. But, I still walked 3 ½ miles round trip which I thought was pretty good. The broken umbrella didn’t do its job but I did mine and I was a little wet when I got home. But that was okay with me, I just changed clothes.

In yesterday’s post, I mentioned I was going to continue writing about the football game and here’s “the rest of the story”. The Lancers were playing the Indiana Deaf School. When the announcer was doing the play by play, she kept saying “Deaf Hoosiers”. It was the Lancers score, the Lancers have a first down but it was the “Deaf Hoosiers” fumble, the “Deaf Hoosiers” are penalized for delay of game. It was never just the "Hoosiers" or even "Deaf School Hoosiers". I thought it sounded horrible. It sounded like a label was put on them … and labels reminded me of being overweight and how we are described. There is one word that I cannot use without being uncomfortable and that is …. “FAT”. I cannot describe myself that way. I can say I’m overweight, I’m chubby, I’m pudgy but I can’t say I’m __________. I wonder why? There are so many blogs that use the word in their title. As I mentioned I’m a TOPS member and it is a support group but if I had to stand up at the meeting like they do at AA and say … Hi, my name is Sheilah and I’m …………, well I guess I’d be looking for another place for support. This bothers me ... maybe enough to get down to a normal weight? Or am I just kidding myself by not admitting it? I choose to think it’s just one of those words like understandable or browsing I just don’t like hearing or using … weird, huh?

Put Me In Coach

We needed something to do last night, other than our Friday night ritual of fried rice at our favorite “hole in the wall” Asian restaurant, so we decided to go to a high school football game.

We have a friend that coaches football. Throughout his career it has been mostly at the college level and he even has a few of his college players that are now playing in the NFL. He retired two years ago. Last spring a small rural high school contacted him to see if he would consider being the head football coach. I should add that this team has only won two games in the last TEN years and one of those games was a forfeit. Bill loves the game and he thought this would be a way to give back to the community no matter what the odds. The first game they were defeated something like 64 – 0 and the games that followed also ended in defeat. Bill is competitive and he wasn’t there to lose but he also is a realist. He does not have a “give it up” mentality. He treats his players like winners and makes them work hard. When they do something wrong he tells them and they may even have to pay for that mistake with extra drills. It’s no different than where many of us are now. We are worth the effort to make us winners. We have to find ways to get better and more focused and to even do things we don’t want to do to make up for our shortcomings. Last night the Lancers were victorious and if you think Bill is going to let up on the discipline and work ethics he shows at his practices … well, you know the answer to that question.

I’ve seen this before but for every point the team scored, the cheerleaders had to drop to the ground and do pushups. The Lancers scored a touchdown and extra point, so it was 7 pushups. It wasn’t too long before they scored another touchdown … 14 pushups and the another TD for 21 pushups. These girls were NOT used to doing this and you could see them struggling. The next score they changed to jumping jacks which made me think when you no longer can do a type of exercise without it coming to a point where you don’t want to do it, so you don’t that ... you shouldn't give up on it totally, just try something else.

I hope everyone has a good weekend. I want to share something else about the game, but I’ll wait until tomorrow

I Caved

Wednesday when I got back from the gym I mentioned to Gary that I needed a new pair of shoes. I noticed when we were on vacation that the balls of my feet felt like I was walking on rocks. I made sure I wore nice cushey socks on Wednesday because socks are just as important as shoes but that didn't help.

I think my first mistake was that as I was leaving for work yesterday morning Gary asked what I wanted for dinner. I'm not a morning person and I mumbled something like I don't care whatever you want to do. When he called to let me know what had come in the mail (a daily ritual) he said how about going out and getting your shoes tonight and I'll go to the gym with you and we can have a "dollar menu" for dinner. I said sure. So, what's wrong with this picture. First, I hadn't planned to go to the gym, I was going to walk in the neighborhood. Second ... fast food wasn't in my plan for the evening either. I immediately looked up Wendy's nutritional information. I like their site because you can "personalize it" which means leave off certain components and it will recalculate the calories, etc.

On the way home, because of all this blogging and reading, I thought just because Gary suggested something, I could always say "no, that's not what I want". But I know he hasn't been feeling well and he spends all day alone at home and how boring that can get. When I got home, I came in and sat down and he asked when I wanted to go. I asked if there was any chili left over from the night before and he said ... yes, so I then asked if there was enough for both of us. He said he didn't want chili but he would just fix himself breakfast. I settled in on the couch while he tuned in to NCIS that was DVR'd while we were away last week. I mentioned to him while he was fast forwarding thru the commercials that I still want to go get shoes. When the show was over, I said I was going to nuke the chili but then said ... OR do you still want to go out. I thought again about him needing to get out. Sometimes when you feel puney, if you just get up and do something you feel better, so I caved when he said that he was looking forward to going out.

We went to Wendy's and I ordered a Ultimate Grilled Chicken with no bun plain and a plain baked potato. I asked if they had BBQ sauce and because the main ingredient was sugar on the label smeared just a little on top of the chicken to give it a little more flavor. I figured there was room for compromise and I could still be okay.

I got my new shoes and on the way home, I said that I now did need to go to the gym, because it was getting too dark to walk the streets. We headed home, I changed clothes quickley and off we went to gym. I did 1 3/4 miles on the treadmill, burning almost 200 calories so ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL.