CHANGES

I haven't blogged for awhile and that usually means trouble ... but not so in this case.  I am content, motivated and doing well.  In fact we just got back from vacation last Friday and I'm pretty sure that I will have a loss tonight.  That's right ... going on vacation with free food that included buffets and I'm losing weight.

How did the turn around occur?  I finally found a niche.  As I mentioned before, I belong to TOPS and over ten years ago a group of people from TOPS groups around the country got together online.  The founder of the group would even have a picnic every summer and we always had a fun weekend with fun activities about weight loss, including exercising and nutritional information.  As the years passed, I got involved in other things, including chairing my high school reunion committee and interest in what we called "The Picnic Loop" seem to fade.  I would run back when I was having trouble staying motivated and ask for help but it just wasn't the exciting new craze like it was at the beginning.

Then came MySpace, FaceBook, Twitter and all the new communicating sites people were using, including SparkPeople, and MFP.  Although I had a few friends that I communicated with through these mediums, I still felt ... out of the loop, so to speak.  People were doing well and I wasn't and felt like a fifth wheel or is it third wheel?

The Picnic Loop also had less and less activity.  There was only six posts for the whole month of December.  Anyway,  a former member has recently tried to rekindle this group and between her and I ... we've got some good chatter going on with some other former members.  It felt like going home again.  I have become really involved posting a lot and have even started a challenge for the month of March called "March Gladness" (play on words) with quite a few people participating.  I finally feel that I'm a player and part of something. You know ... that I belong.  With that, my attitude has changed and I feel like I've come to life again.

I'm not giving up on these other ways to remain accountable, I'm just putting a little more focus on what motivates me the most.  I sure hope it lasts.

BUSY IS GOOD

I'm late posting and for once it doesn't mean I've lost my way again.  It just means I'm busy with others things and that's good.  I need that for I think alot of my problem arise from boredom.  Yesterday is in the books as another successful day.  Not much exercise but the eating side of things is what I'm working on.  I was actually under target yesterday which pleased me.  Even when I'm over only by 20 or 30 calories I tend to think too much.  As long as I'm not mindlessly eating I should be happy.  

So Day 2 with more to do.

MAKING MY WAY BACK

Perhaps my lousy February was a turning point.  I guess I realized if I don't turn things around, even if only just a little, that slowly but slowly those pounds I lost over the last six months will be back.  I gave it another shot yesterday and I did okay.  I pulled back the reigns a little at lunch by eliminating a side dish and there was no candy nibbling when I got home from work.

I did get a wee bit of exercise in too.  When I got to the mall yesterday at lunchtime, the line for Chick-fil-A was pretty long, so I decided to take a couple laps around the mall.  When I got home from work, I was going to do a little Zumba from a U-Tube video I downloaded but it kept stopping mid-stream, so I gave up on it ... but I did put the effort forth.

Day one down and moving on. 

I'M SO TIRED OF FIGHTING IT

Yes, I am ... I want to find that drive again ... the fun of the challenge ... the feeling I'm part of a team but when you fall behind, the stamina slips and you start feeling defeated.  It's all attitude and for me I need to swing over to the see the light and want it bad enough again ... it'll happen but patience has never been my friend.  Is it better to start every day and fail or wait until the timing is right to get some consistency or is there even a right answer?

~Sheilah

NO BIGGIE

Yesterday was just an ordinary day.  Nothing really to write home about.  Being Ash Wednesday, I had my food limited to meatless meals.  I tried to think what I would sacrifice for the next six weeks and nothing came to mind.  Correction, some things came to mind, but did I really want to or think I could refrain from those things.  Maybe chocolate, maybe candy ... but not bread like I did last year, although I ought to.

I backslid into my habit of vegging out on the couch when I got home from work.  Yes, it's still winter and winter has this side effect for me.  I need a different prescription and I hope I can hang on for a few weeks until it arrives.  I know talk is cheap but I'm sure that pill of spring will help me turn things around by at least being a little more active.

WHAT'S WRONG

I've had this shadow over me this week that I can't seem to shake.  Nothing major just this little gnawing at me that all the planets aren't aligned.  I've acknowledged it and will just continue to push it out of the way when I start using it as an excuse.  I'm sure it will eventually go away.  It's difficult because I don't know what "IT" is.  I know I was annoyed with myself Sunday night when I discovered that I didn't put one of my co-workers down for girl scout cookies from Gracie that I was delivering on Monday so they didn't get ordered; but my wonderful daughter fixed that by giving me two of her boxes, but still the annoyance hung on.  Then we're dealing with our computer issues at home and I called an IT guy I know and he came over last night and stayed until 11:00 and still the problems remains, but it too will be fixed eventually.  I guess I'm still holding onto that annoyance.  Why is it so hard to let go sometimes?

I did well yesterday ... eating only what I had planned on eating, and being able to sway myself away from some temptations.  I was asked yesterday by a dieting buddy what my biggest obstacle was and I gave it some thought after my initial impulsive answer of attitude.  What causes my attitude to get out of whack.  Right now I think it's lack of involvement.  I need to stay busy.

I KNOW ... I KNOW

For a Monday, I felt pretty good when I got up.  I showered and got dressed in a pant suit that felt really loose around the waist and in the thighs.  I was feeling good about the weekend and cutting things out that I usually have.  I really felt that it was worth it.

I headed downstairs and was ready to face the scales.  I had been keeping a log on the notepad on the refrigerator so there wouldn't be any guessing.  When I got on the scale Friday, I thought ... darn, I've gained a little but immediately thought ... I can turn that around over the weekend and at least stay the same on the scales Monday.  But, when I went to the notepad, it showed I had lost because I forgot where I was the time before.  Good move on writing it down.

I really did paying attention over the weekend and I even worked out.  A little bit of zumba from UTube in the room on Friday night and a whole 30 minutes on the bike in the workout room on Saturday PLUS all the walking we did while shopping.  I was pretty confident.

SHOT DOWN.  The scales were back up and now I didn't even know if I'd have a turtle at TOPS because there were a several numbers on my pad but I didn't know which one was from last Monday.  I knew it'd be close.

My last gain was the week before Christmas and my streak ran out a lot sooner than I hoped.  I gained 3/4# last night.  It's not huge and I'm sure if I work really hard or maybe even just a little harder I'll have a good loss next week.  I could analyze it this way and that ... last Tuesday was when I had a CODE RED day with snacking.  I was completely out of control and felt helpless.  I don't feel that way now and a small gain will not make me go back to that dark place.  I'm pulling my boot straps up and DOING what I need to do.